Writers' Workshop

[fred]

You blowing smoke up my ass Montgomery?

[paper]

Ewww.

[fred]

It was "are you" rather than "will you" or "please do".

[paper]

I was not blowing smoke up your ass, no.

[fred]

will you then? :)

[kahunablair]

Last night, I actually did a 25 minute story to the Bachelor prompt from the other day. Maybe I'll post it later on.

[fred]

very cool.

[valoharth]

Read your flash fiction Fred and you wrote all of that in 20? Thats cool! I enjoyed it, liked how it felt like a man in a rocking chair telling a story.

[fred]

Thanks. It was more like 40 than 20 however. I'm not big on rules.

[dave-accampo]

Thanks. It was more like 40 than 20 however. I'm not big on rules.

yeah, I think the 20 minutes is just a motivation to get your writing and get you out of that mindset where you second-guess yourself. I've had a few good 20-minute stories, but I can honestly say most of them were around 25 minutes or more...but the point is that the deadline MADE me work for it. Once I was in the zone...fuck the deadline...

[dave-accampo]

Last night, I actually did a 25 minute story to the Bachelor prompt from the other day. Maybe I'll post it later on.

Post it! Post it!

[fred]

yeah, I think the 20 minutes is just a motivation to get your writing and get you out of that mindset where you second-guess yourself. I've had a few good 20-minute stories, but I can honestly say most of them were around 25 minutes or more...but the point is that the deadline MADE me work for it. Once I was in the zone...fuck the deadline...

Yeah. For me, it's like I get an ending in mind and I go for it. I don't want to speed through the story to get to it or go through the story at the proper pace but only write half of it.

[valoharth]

Should we try another prompt? Do one once a week? Make some kind of challenge or rules to it?

[kahunablair]

Post it! Post it!

Fine, Here it is...

Tim found a dead hawk in his backyard. He wondered how it got there. He never found out.

That took me 24 minutes. I'm a slow typer.

Seriously though, I'll post it up tonight.

[fred]

Should we try another prompt? Do one once a week? Make some kind of challenge or rules to it?

I picked up a book of them last night. I was going to try another tonight. I've got my eye on:

Write about an appliance, a vehicle, or a weapon being put to a use for which it wasn’t designed.

[fred]

Fine, Here it is...

Tim found a dead hawk in his backyard. He wondered how it got there. He never found out.

That took me 24 minutes. I'm a slow typer.

Seriously though, I'll post it up tonight.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

EDIT: tempted to actually use that as a prompt. Afraid to though.

[dave-accampo]

is anyone else gonna give the visual prompt that I sent a shot? Curious to see what others come up with...

I think I'll probably give it a shot during my lunch hour today...

[fred]

I have such a fucking hard-on for the baby shoes story. I might try it. I don't know that I'll be able to do it and feel like it doesn't suck.

edit: I have 2 solid angles already.

[paper]

What book of prompts did you get, Fred?

I have these (http://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Muse-Ideas-Inspirations-Writing/dp/1582973229/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207851029&sr=8-2) two (http://www.amazon.com/Writers-Book-Matches-Prompts-literary/dp/158297411X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207851066&sr=1-1):

[fred]

What book of prompts did you get, Fred?

I have these (http://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Muse-Ideas-Inspirations-Writing/dp/1582973229/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207851029&sr=8-2) two (http://www.amazon.com/Writers-Book-Matches-Prompts-literary/dp/158297411X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207851066&sr=1-1):

I have the first one: The Pocket Muse.

[valoharth]

is anyone else gonna give the visual prompt that I sent a shot Curious to see what others come up with...

I think I'll probably give it a shot during my lunch hour today...

I didn't see this but I'm game.

[paper]

Pocket Muse is good. Especially for visual prompts, which the other one doesn't really have.

[fred]

I'd prefer more written ones. It was the best one that I found at Barnes and Noble last night though.

[paper]

Brackets optional.

"A [man] [and his wife] stop to investigate a disabled car on the side of the road."

[esophagus]

Write about an appliance, a vehicle, or a weapon being put to a use for which it wasn’t designed.I like this one. Might try it at some point during my four nights of work, if it isn't too busy. Might pick up a book of prompts while I'm at it.

[paper]

My response to the visual prompt is here (http://fuzzytypewriter.wordpress.com/2008/04/11/flash-fiction-the-man-in-the-photo/).

It took me a while to figure out the proper angle for this story, but then I started studying the objects. Give the photo a good look before you read.

I struggled with this one, but I hope to flesh it out more. Any feedback would be really helpful. I've found that I like to borrow older stories from the public domain and ask what happens next. This is one of those cases, and I hope I provide enough clues in a timely fashion to make it understandable. So anything on that would be really appreciated.

[fred]

very cool. worth pursuing.

[dave-accampo]

Excellent stuff, Paper. Love the style.

I, um, so I did a little something (http://davidaccampo.com/?p=170) with that visual cue, too. It's very much in a similar vein as the last story (I seem to be on something of a Lovecraft kick), but...well, I just wanted to try it. I have no idea if it's any good. It was truly a test to myself to see if I could write in a different style.

I think I wanted to try a couple of 'Weird Tales', with a possible eye towards submitting them to something. But after this, I'm looking forward to doing something completely different with the next prompt. Maybe even a comedy. :)

[fred]

very cool. Jin joins the Knights of Malta.

[valoharth]

My response to the visual prompt is here (http://fuzzytypewriter.wordpress.com/2008/04/11/flash-fiction-the-man-in-the-photo/).

It took me a while to figure out the proper angle for this story, but then I started studying the objects. Give the photo a good look before you read.

I struggled with this one, but I hope to flesh it out more. Any feedback would be really helpful. I've found that I like to borrow older stories from the public domain and ask what happens next. This is one of those cases, and I hope I provide enough clues in a timely fashion to make it understandable. So anything on that would be really appreciated.



very cool. worth pursuing.

I'm with fred on this, I think you should come back to this one I see a lot of potential in this story.

[dave-accampo]

very cool. Jin joins the Knights of Malta. Haha...thanks. I hadn't thought about the tie to LOST. This is one where when I started, I only knew it would be a series of letters from this guy. That's it. Everything after that was just...whatever popped into my head.

[paper]

Good stuff, Dave. Reminds me of that Joyce Carol Oates story about the lighthouse keeper from the Chamber of Astonishing Stories. The letter writing format really lends itself to the Weird Tale style. The whole episodic nature of it.

[dave-accampo]

Good stuff, Dave. Reminds me of that Joyce Carol Oates story about the lighthouse keeper from the Chamber of Astonishing Stories. The letter writing format really lends itself to the Weird Tale style. The whole episodic nature of it.

thanks, man. You know, in the middle of writing that piece, I did pull out the Astonishing Stories volume and was flipping through it. I had forgotten about that lighthouse story -- I did enjoy that.

The letter writing concept was something I wanted to try. Bit of a different voice more me. I'm only disappointed that I reverted back to tentacles and things again...

I'm ready for a comedy now...although I should box myself in like that. I'm ready for something a little lighter -- let's put it that way.

[valoharth]

I attempted to write a short story for Dave's prompt but I didn't feel like doing something new, so I went back and revised a old prompt that Pol or Dave had posted up on the board a while back ago about telling the story behind a song.

I chose Iron and Wine's song Free Until They Cut Me Down and here is the story I wrote about it, At the Devil Tree (http://makepunkrock.livejournal.com/14206.html?mode=reply) This is the third revision of it, I don't think it's finished but I feel it's getting close.

Well now I'm off to play catch up I've got an idea to explore on the visual prompt, might be a day or two until I get it done but it will be done.

(I say we should do a song biased Prompt again, but this time be more specific like She & Him, Black Hole or The Hush Sound, Red Wine)

[kahunablair]

I love that Song idea. Is that something you "Writers" employ a lot?

I know I personally have a sketchbook full of something along the same lines. I would hit shuffle on my iPod, grab my pencil and start drawing. I would do a sketch for each song. Some would involve the Title, other's the lyrics. The only thing I restricted myself with was it had to be drawn during the song. Once the last note played, I had to move on to the next.

[valoharth]

I've only done the song thing a couple of times, with the piece I linked and I wrote a scene around Black Hole by She & Him, sort of. It doesn't so much follow the song as much as it follows the title and the song basicly says whats going on in the scene with out the characters coming out and saying what is going on. I'd link it up if anyone was interested in it.

[fred]

I've finally finished and posted the first draft of "Tom Finds and Loses His Way" (http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/04/13/flash-fiction-%e2%80%9ctom-finds-and-loses-his-way%e2%80%9d/)

It's from the "For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn." prompt that I've been threatening to write for nearly a week now.

Also, I posted it and some other things on my new blog: Rough Drafts (http://fred1979.wordpress.com).

[paper]

Anybody want a new visual prompt?

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3068/2410970347_2a135e6029.jpg

[fred]

I'm actually 40 or 50% of the way through "The only thing that I ever wanted was ____________." at the moment.

[fred]

It's tenatively titled "Pie and Mortal Kombat" and it has very little to do with either.

[fred]

"Pie and Mortal Kombat" (http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/flash-fiction-pie-and-mortal-kombat/) has been posted.

[fred]

I absolutely love when my wife reads something that I wrote and applies situation A to story B and assumes that she now knows how I really felt about situation A. It's so great. It makes it so easy to write. You know ... because having to figure out what her interpretation of everything that I do will be is so inspiring. I think it's probably easy to understand why I reject writing prompts like "Write about the elephant in the room."

[valoharth]

Anybody want a new visual prompt?

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3068/2410970347_2a135e6029.jpg

This is just the start of a story in response of this visual prompt

The tentacle wrapped around my neck, I reach for something anything. I wish I had a gun, knife, hell I’d go for a good old fashion cudgel but my hands just cultivate the earth as I dig into it. The blood flow to my head is lessening; I can feel the presser build up in my neck. My life flashes, it’s filled with research. It’s sad, most of my life has been my face buried in one book or another. My life whirls, making me dizzy (or the blood loss is) and the series of event’s that lead me here appear.

A dream, it all began with a single haunting dream. A dream of an old house and a tree. In the dream I knew things, like the year 1692 and the place, Principle Township, somewhere in the area we call Pennsylvania. It was the same year of the Salem witch trials. This was important and that’s all I knew. The house, the tree, and the township were the only things I remembered when I woke from the dream.

I was never one to believe in visions, even tough I made my living researching the occult. Even though I was a researcher in such a field, I never found anything truly occult. Every thing could be explained, disproved. Science was always right, magic was for lunatics and moon worshipers. It’s weird for a man who doesn’t believe in the occult to study it, I always found a satisfaction in disproving people. I liked crushing their beliefs. This makes me a bad man? I didn’t think so, I was doing them a service. I was giving them the truth. Unfortunately not all of them could handle it.

I decided to search the internet for Principle Township, Pennsylvania. I got nothing. As I figured, it didn’t exist. Something at the back of my mind told me to dig deeper. I felt a hunch build, I knew the witch trials had something to do with this town. I had a colleague, one who knew quite a bit about witch lore. I phoned him.

He said he heard about it, only in whispers and rumors. It gave me something to go upon. I searched my library for anything I could find about witches in the seventieth century. Not much information, but enough to give me a idea. The Principle Township founded in 1671 in the woods of Pennsylvania, far west of any Puritan civilization was willing to go. Principle was founded by witches, not these friendly Wicca of today, no by real witches. I had my doubts.

In one of the books I saw a map, poorly drawn but gave me a good idea of where the town was. I knew the area. I had been there before. It was a section of land that the Susquehannock called cursed. Just outside of Lancaster.

[dave-accampo]

Damn, I've gotta get back into this thread. Fred, you're a machine!

Today and tomorrow are gonna be busy, but I'm hoping I can get back to the writing and the commenting on writing later in the week. Can't wait to read everything...

Paper, did you ever finish your piece for the very first prompt? The "backyard" prompt?

[fred]

I have been pretty productive lately. I've been pushing myself though. I wrote two stories on Sunday. I'm going to try for at least one more today after I finish ... well, look at the calendar and consider who I am ... you know what I'm doing.

[paper]

Paper, did you ever finish your piece for the very first prompt? The "backyard" prompt?

The problem with that story is that I tried to use a story I had rattling around in my head for a while. And it's a longer story. And I want to do it as poetry at this point. So it's on the back-burner at this point.

[fred]

Working on this at the moment:

Prompt: Write a scene in which the dramatic tension revolves around a misspelling: a road sign, the name on a birthday cake, the directions to a doctor’s office, a word in a spelling bee…

[fred]

New story posted

"Steve Gets To Be The Hero" (http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/04/15/steve-gets-to-be-the-hero/)

[valoharth]

So I've got "Writers Block" right now, I'm trying to work through it but I can't. Anyway I decided maybe if I go back and edit some of my old work it might help. It isn't, but I did get this short scene (http://gonzopunk.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/she-him/)to where I like it.

[valoharth]

Well I finally just sat down and pumped something out. I decided to just write what was fun for me and this came out (http://tinyurl.com/62uo2w). I used Dave's visual prompt. You can probably guess what it is somewhat inspired by, I was going for a gonzo feel to it so some of the sentince structure is clunky (some what intentional).

[esophagus]

Started the "creative non-fiction" memoirs I've been wanting to write about my childhood. I'm a couple of pages in. Here's a bit of the intro, which still needs a huge amount of editting.The boundaries of the world are entirely up to the individual, who molds and shapes the way things will look with their own mind. No man knows everything, and there is no man who doesn’t know anything. It is the place we stand in between that makes the world what it is. We decide our own boundaries when we decide the things we want to explore, and the things we want to know nothing about.

Driving past my old neighborhood yesterday I was in awe at the beautiful things I saw. Gorgeous landscapes, brilliant hills to roll down, huge parks. Things I would have loved. As I child I had chose to ignore the outside world, content to live and explore nothing outside of the tiny crescent I lived in. That was my world. That was my knowledge. Had you asked me, I would have told you I knew everyone in town, because to me that was the ten or so families in the houses that surrounded me. Nothing else mattered.

This is the story of my life in my own world, and the way I have chosen to shape it. The story of the monsters that lived in my basement, the wonders of a school at night time, and everything else I have itched to discover through my life. This is the story of my life with my imagination taking the reigns.

[valoharth]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2308/2091687913_6ff7beb5b1.jpg
I'd like to offer this up as a visual prompt for anyone interested.

[fred]

I've got an issue. I need opinions. I have a story to tell. It's from my own life. It takes place in high school. Basically, I'm hesitant to write it because I don't really want to offend any of the people involved. It's kind of touchy. I could see some people being pissed or conflicted about it. I know that common sense says: 'just change it', but honestly I can't tell it the right way if I change it too much. It's a great fucking story and some of the things that happen in it make it distinctly identifiable. I can't even imagine not using the guy's name. Even his (nick)name is funny and somewhat essential to the story.

How do I do this? I don't want to not write it. I don't want to water it down. I don't want to piss people off, but I could live with it if I had to. What say you all?

EDIT: It is a really crazy story. The legal issues are mostly cleared up because the main character died, but that also makes it more complicated from a friends being ok with it perspective.

[valoharth]

Have you talked to the people who are involved and ask them if it would be ok to write about it? You could write the story and show it to them, if its done well they might not have a problem.

[fred]

I'd rather not if I can avoid it. I don't really have much contact with them anymore. It would be weird to call them out of the blue for that.

[gungadin]

I have this same sort of problem right now... My philosophy? Just write it. Take your time, chances are the people involved won't see it for a while, if ever, but don't show it to anyone until you're done or it's all... finished to your satisfaction...

.... I kinda feel like a bad human being now...

[fred]

I'm inclined to agree with you. I think I'm just looking for people to say that though. ;)

[gungadin]

I'm inclined to agree with you. I think I'm just looking for people to say that though. ;)

I'm of the opinion that no one should stop you from writing whatever you want... Screw it and screw them... I'm just as bad as the people I write about are, I'm sure...

[valoharth]

I agree with what Gungadin said.

I have a tendency to pull some characters from my friends, I generally show them the work afterwards mostly because I don't write anything embarrassing about them unless I know they will go with it.

There was one story that I did write that drew from a dream I had that revolved around something very messy in my life. It was a situation that is touchy with a good friend of mine, but I felt that it had to be said. Luckily I was able to change it around enough to avoid any direct hint at the parties involved but stayed close enough to what had happen that I was able to release it and get over it.


It's here (http://gonzopunk.wordpress.com/2008/04/21/short-story-dream-rough-draft/) if you want to take a look for an example. It's still in rough draft, I wrote it during the two weeks of story thing Eso and I did.

[fred]

cool. thanks.

[dave-accampo]

I'm with the others, Fred.

Look, if you're telling the TRUTH, and not spinning something to deliberately hurt someone, then that will be clear.

The only time I see it being a problem is when you have the people you're writing about in your daily life. That's can make it complicated. However, in this case they're people you don't see often.

The art of the memoir was a huge literary trend that gained a lot of acceptance in the 90's. Most often people change the names, but...it's not like you have to. You just treat it as your memories of your life and call it non-fiction. Call it memoir.

I say write it.

Incidentally, I was blogging a few years back, and I recalled an old writers group I had been a part of. I described the various poets I hung out with, but there was one person who didn't fit in, and who I described disparagingly. Now, I put it into context, saying that we were being kind of elitist, but...

...well...of all the people i used to hang with, who do you think found this entry and wrote to me?

That was...awkward...

[fred]

I had this awesome lengthy reply that I just accidentally deleted like a douche. Let's see if I can remember it all.

I'm pretty determined to write it. I think, in the end, that I'm not so concerned about what people think. I think I just needed to hear you guys confirm that I was right.

It's not non-fiction or memoir, it's life-inspired fiction. I intend to diverge from the actual events when I can. I can't change some of the things and tell the same story. The problem comes in that 'these things' are so odd and distinctive that there's no way that anyone that knew me then wouldn't know where I started off from. I was just worried that they would think I was trying to say that it was all true (or whatever). I need to do things to the real events to make them flow better and focus them.

I'm going to do it. I don't know if I'll post it right away. I've got a larger plan in the works and I may hold it back. But more on that later.

[dave-accampo]

If it deviates from reality too much, you MAY want to consider changing the name. I don't think you HAVE to (for reasons mentioned in your previous post), but you may want to consider it. I dunno. I still say write it and then see how you feel. Maybe someone else can help you come up with a fictitious name that works (seems that the real name is really important to the story, right?).

Or, fuck it. Just write it and be done.

[fred]

The 'real' name isn't important per se, but it's funny. The real name is actually a nickname.

[fred]

I posted an essay entitled The All-Important 'Fred Endorsement' (http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/04/22/the-all-important-fred-endorsement/) in light of today's Pennsylvania primary. It is a political essay. Don't say that I didn't warn you. ;)

http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/04/22/the-all-important-fred-endorsement/

It's probably best that any direct comments to the political content of it be made after the entry on my blog so that we don't get into any trouble. You can also pm me or send me an email at fred@thisweekincomics.com if you like.

General comments like 'I like it' or 'You suck' are probably ok here.

I'm just trying to cover myself and avoid the firestorm.

[flakbait]

My short story "Shades of Red" just went live over at A Thousand Faces (http://www.thousand-faces.com/)!

It's a big fun story with a bit of Lovecraft inspiration. It seems like a few of you guys like superhero stories, so maybe you'll like it. :)

[fred]

"Lost In Thought" (http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/lost-in-thought/)

[gungadin]

I don't know if you guys write poetry... But I'm in a poetry class right now and I had to write this poem... I wrote this last week... And I'm freakin proud of it... It works good if you say it aloud and stuff... But... eh... Judge...

Hand Washing

Swishing swashing swooshing out
of faucet, cold and chilling
like an image in the mirror
foreign and unrecognizable, swollen--
and beaten with a too long day

Shining and glinting stray drops
and lukewarm liquid crystal encasing
cocoons of comfort and resilience--
a layer of mucus to protect from
air, too much gone to revitalize

Clear scalding sensation
hands turning from white confections,
marshmallowy goodness into new
and toasty brown burning, not yet
charred from the warm sensation

An addiction of heat, pain, and
suffering encapsulated in the feelings
of more feeling and tingles once
there now returned, back and gone again
From sink to towel to rubbing and friction


Dry hands
Pain gone
Cold now
LatherRinseRepeat

[fred]

"The Scale Of Awesome" (http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/05/04/the-scale-of-awesome/)

[valoharth]

The Crimson Army: Recruitment Story (http://gonzopunk.wordpress.com/2008/05/05/the-crimson-army-recruitment-story/), Trying something new don't know if I will stick with it though.

[fred]

"A Scale Of Awesome Review - The Nintendo Wii And Sundry (To This Point)"
(http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/05/04/a-scale-of-awesome-review-the-nintendo-wii-and-sundry-to-this-point/)

[esophagus]

I mentioned an incident with a donkey bite in passing to Blair over the weekend, and he joked about how perfect a title it would make for a memoir. I wrote up the story and posted it on SR (and subsequently pushed it in the GD thread) and have to say I really enjoyed it. I think I'm going to start writing a lot more of these little anecdotes. Fun stuff.

Anyways, I was just looking for some comments/criticisms on it.

(Edit: Link is in my signature)

[paper]

Good stuff. My only gripe is a subjective thing. In your memoir entries you write a lot of internal stuff, a lot of commentary. I think it would be a worthwhile experiment if you tried to limit that. Show, don't tell. That kind of thing.

[esophagus]

Good stuff. My only gripe is a subjective thing. In your memoir entries you write a lot of internal stuff, a lot of commentary. I think it would be a worthwhile experiment if you tried to limit that. Show, don't tell. That kind of thing.

Thanks! I felt like if I avoided the internal stuff, the story would feel incredibly plain. I'll definitely try for that next time, though.

[fred]

"The Search Terms Part Deux" (http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/05/05/the-search-terms-part-deux/)

[flakbait]

My story "Shades of Red (http://www.thousand-faces.com/red.htm)" has been reviewed! Happily, it's a very nice review (http://thefix-online.com/reviews/thousand-faces-4/).

I'm blushing!

[fred]

I've posted a new blog entry that I need your help with. "The Pseudonym" - http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/05/08/the-pseudonym/

[horatio616]

I've posted a new blog entry that I need your help with. "The Pseudonym" - http://fred1979.wordpress.com/2008/05/08/the-pseudonym/

I like George Miska. Exotic but not pretentious or obviously fake.

[fred]

Very cool. Thanks Horatio.

[horatio616]

The Crimson Army: Recruitment Story (http://gonzopunk.wordpress.com/2008/05/05/the-crimson-army-recruitment-story/), Trying something new don't know if I will stick with it though.

Hey just checked it out. Great idea.

The only thing I would say is it's a good idea to limit passive verbs like "was". I know it's hard given the p.o.v. but anytime you can change that around it gives the writing that little extra punch.

Example:

Instead of, "It was 1999 when I was recruited by Crimson Dawn"

Perhaps try, "Crimson Dawn recruited me in 1999."

Or instead of, "It was shortly after her orders when she looked at me and smiled."

Maybe try, "She looked at me and smiled shortly after she gave her orders."

[horatio616]

My story "Shades of Red (http://www.thousand-faces.com/red.htm)" has been reviewed! Happily, it's a very nice review (http://thefix-online.com/reviews/thousand-faces-4/).

I'm blushing!

Wow, that's really impressive. Your prose is great and your action is clearly written and easy to follow as you described it.

[paper]

Or instead of, "It was shortly after her orders when she looked at me and smiled."

Maybe try, "She looked at me and smiled shortly after she gave her orders."

I actually disagree with this one. This comes off as if the writer is intentionally trying to avoid the passive voice. So it's not natural. It's out of sequence. You tell action 2 before action 1. I'd either keep the passive voice version or do something like this:

"She gave the order. She looked at me and smiled."
"She gave her orders, looked at me and smiled."
"Orders given, she looked at me and smiled."

(enjoyed the story, Valo)

[paper]

My story "Shades of Red (http://www.thousand-faces.com/red.htm)" has been reviewed! Happily, it's a very nice review (http://thefix-online.com/reviews/thousand-faces-4/).

I'm blushing!

Congratulations. And completely deserved. Really liked the piece.

[flakbait]

Thanks, guys!

The Crimson Army: Recruitment Story (http://gonzopunk.wordpress.com/2008/05/05/the-crimson-army-recruitment-story/), Trying something new don't know if I will stick with it though.

I like it. The voice is funny and consistent. I think even if you don't feel like sticking with it, it might work as a flash piece if you punch up the snark a little more and add another paragraph or two that brings us back to the present and wraps up the scene hinted at in the first sentence.

[horatio616]

I actually disagree with this one. This comes off as if the writer is intentionally trying to avoid the passive voice. So it's not natural. It's out of sequence. You tell action 2 before action 1. I'd either keep the passive voice version or do something like this:

"She gave the order. She looked at me and smiled."
"She gave her orders, looked at me and smiled."
"Orders given, she looked at me and smiled."

(enjoyed the story, Valo)

Okay, I see what you mean. Actually I'm working on something with a similar voice and if you try too hard to avoid it, things do start to sound weird. I guess it was the phrasing of those two sentences rather than the use of passive voice that seemed a little off to me.

How about, "She gave the orders then looked at me and smiled."

[valoharth]

First off I haven't thanked everyone for giving me the critiques, they are helping me more then you can believe! :D And one of my weaknesses as a writer is tense and over usage of words. I plan on making that weakness a strength

Next off, I'm sure we've asked this before on the boards but I grew up in the 90's and have the attention span of a internet meme but When/where do you write? Have you found that you write better in the mornings as opposed to nights. Do you have a better time writing at a Starbucks then your home?

I would also like to add, do you do something else while you write? Have a TV on and you half watch a movie that you've seen several times before or do you blare the music? If you do use music do you have a particular band or can it be anything? Do you use music to influence the tone of what you're writing?


I tend to do most my writing at work, yes I know bad habit but I'm forced to sit in front of a computer during the work day and I have long periods of down time between trains, on average in a 12 hour work day I maybe actually do 3 hours of actually work. Busy days I can spend all day in a truck and on a slow day it can be about a half hour. Ideally this is a good job for my writing. When I'm not at work I tend to go out to write, if I'm at home I get distracted by TV and comics.

As for music, I find I do most my writing to (in this order) Coheed and Cambria, Bad Astronaut, Lagwagon, Brand New, and just recently She & Him. I can have other bands playing depending on what kind of writing I do, but I've found that if I have a case of "Writer's Block" I put in Coheed and Cambria it just fades away and I'm typing away.

I'm really interested in how music affects everyone else’s writing though, I don't know if I'm just an odd duck or what.

[esophagus]

Just checked out creativewritingprompts.com. It has some alright stuff and a lot of shit. I challenge EVERYONE to this one:

Put Shaggy (Scooby Doo's Partner) and Batgirl in an elevator, what happens? Write a 250 word scene.

Hilarious.

[flakbait]

First off I haven't thanked everyone for giving me the critiques, they are helping me more then you can believe! :D And one of my weaknesses as a writer is tense and over usage of words. I plan on making that weakness a strength

Next off, I'm sure we've asked this before on the boards but I grew up in the 90's and have the attention span of a internet meme but When/where do you write? Have you found that you write better in the mornings as opposed to nights. Do you have a better time writing at a Starbucks then your home?

I would also like to add, do you do something else while you write? Have a TV on and you half watch a movie that you've seen several times before or do you blare the music? If you do use music do you have a particular band or can it be anything? Do you use music to influence the tone of what you're writing?

I write all over the place. I write some at work, especially when it's slow (like now, the summer is usually our slowest period). My work is so damned boring it's sometimes the only way I get through the day (podcasts help, too :) ). A lot of the little flash fiction pieces I've written are done at work. I write some at my writing group write-ins, and the rest at home. There's a little cafe down the street I keep meaning to go to, now that I have a laptop, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Once we hit around September/October, though, work gets crazy and all of my writing will be at write-ins and home. When I'm at home, I prefer to sit on the couch or bed, TV off and away from the internet. Sometimes I can write while my wife watches TV in the same room, as long as its a show I don't care about, like all those cooking/makeover/home design shows she watches.

I can give or take music. Sometimes I like to listen to it while I write, other times I don't bother. When I do, it should be something I can easily ignore, like classical soundtracks or something. I'm not musically oriented as some people, so it's not a huge inspiration for me.

[horatio616]

First off I haven't thanked everyone for giving me the critiques, they are helping me more then you can believe! :D And one of my weaknesses as a writer is tense and over usage of words. I plan on making that weakness a strength

Next off, I'm sure we've asked this before on the boards but I grew up in the 90's and have the attention span of a internet meme but When/where do you write? Have you found that you write better in the mornings as opposed to nights. Do you have a better time writing at a Starbucks then your home?

I would also like to add, do you do something else while you write? Have a TV on and you half watch a movie that you've seen several times before or do you blare the music? If you do use music do you have a particular band or can it be anything? Do you use music to influence the tone of what you're writing?


I tend to do most my writing at work, yes I know bad habit but I'm forced to sit in front of a computer during the work day and I have long periods of down time between trains, on average in a 12 hour work day I maybe actually do 3 hours of actually work. Busy days I can spend all day in a truck and on a slow day it can be about a half hour. Ideally this is a good job for my writing. When I'm not at work I tend to go out to write, if I'm at home I get distracted by TV and comics.

As for music, I find I do most my writing to (in this order) Coheed and Cambria, Bad Astronaut, Lagwagon, Brand New, and just recently She & Him. I can have other bands playing depending on what kind of writing I do, but I've found that if I have a case of "Writer's Block" I put in Coheed and Cambria it just fades away and I'm typing away.

I'm really interested in how music affects everyone else’s writing though, I don't know if I'm just an odd duck or what.

Hey Val I hope I didn't come off wrong in my critique. I figure I'd at least give you something to think about while you're writing. It's good to get a fresh perspective on your writing even if it's wrong! ;)

I'm a dad with a 9-5 and a short-attention span so it's hard for me to get a lot of writing done so when I do get the opportunity I make the most of it.

I corresponded with horror novelist Scott Nicholson a few times and he said four to five pages a day is working at a good clip. There's no way I could ever do that so I cram as much in as I can when I can. Author Steven Carter, who wrote a great novel entitled I Am Howard Hughes was my English teacher in college and I've corresponded with him in the past and I will again when I have some complete stories under my belt. Hopefully he can give me some constructive criticism.

[valoharth]

Hey Val I hope I didn't come off wrong in my critique. I figure I'd at least give you something to think about while you're writing. It's good to get a fresh perspective on your writing even if it's wrong! ;)


Oh, no you didn't. I prefer it if people spoke up and told me if something really didn't click. Sometimes I just don't see things I may have done wrong, or, like I've done a lot more in the past, not get all the detail onto the page. Writing can be difficult because when the author reads his own writing his mind puts in the parts he may have skipped putting on the paper. I agree 100% that fresh perspective is always good.

[oscarmonteforte]

I really fought with this latest piece. It's called "The Doctor Will See You Now" (http://oscarmonteforte.com/2008/05/15/the-doctor-will-see-you-now/).

Please let me know what you think.

[paper]

An old piece:

Spencer of the Apes (http://fuzzytypewriter.wordpress.com/2008/05/17/spencer-of-the-apes/)

[esophagus]

I'm far too busy to do this now, but I had an idea after thinking about the things Dave talked about on the last FT. What if we made like a Mad Lib for the writers of Web 2.0?

I write a basic story on my blog, leaving blanks for each person, place and thing. Then someone will write a story about the person, place, or thing they think should go in the space for their blog, and I change the blank to whatever person/place/thing you wrote about, and link to it.

As I said I'm busy, I just thought I'd mention it before I forgot.

[oscarmonteforte]

"Paul And The Steamroller" (http://oscarmonteforte.com/2008/05/21/paul-and-the-steamroller/)

[flakbait]

Oop, almost forgot to mention it, but my flash mystery story "Aftershocks" was published this morning over at Every Day Fiction. I'm pretty proud of this one. Check it out and feel free to rate and leave comments.

http://www.everydayfiction.com/aftershocks-by-alexander-burns/

[charlie-blix]

I'm a writer and I've been thinking about posting my stuff so you guys can tell me what you think but as of right now I don't have my own blog. I see that all of you pretty much use different blog sites.

So I wanted to know what everyone considers the best place for a writer to post their work.

[oscarmonteforte]

I really like Wordpress. I've used a few of them and it's my favorite.

[paper]

Wordpress.

[oscarmonteforte]

No need to throw in your two cents Pol, the Froscar has spoken.

[oscarmonteforte]

"Viva La Revolucion" (http://oscarmonteforte.com/2008/05/27/viva-la-revolucion/)

[timmywood-]

Just checked out wordpress and I liked it. Just set up a blog on there.
AND I WILL NOT BE LAZY AND I WILL WRITE REGULARY!
That is a spring resolution.

[oscarmonteforte]

"Change" (http://oscarmonteforte.com/2008/06/02/change/)

[valoharth]

Flash Fiction Script-Untitled (http://gonzopunk.wordpress.com/2008/06/06/flash-fiction-script-untitled/)

[timmywood-]

Hey I posted this on my blog. Sorry for the long URL but I don't how to make it shorter. I think it's pretty funny.

http://thetimmywoodblog.wordpress.com/2008/06/10/my-girlfriend-and-i-fight-on-facebook/

read and let me know what you think.

[timmywood-]

Here is something that you guys might fing fun.
It is from a project in which I wrote fake letters to the "greatest Houston playwright ever lived" Reed Gumnnergh.
I was going through them and found them funny and as I clean them up and edit them I will post them on my blog.
I performed them at a reading with my buddy playing the part of Reed Gumnnergh. Check it out and tell me what you think.

Letters to Gumnnergh
http://tinyurl.com/4cvcrm

[six-gun]

so a technical question, dashes or parentheses?

the column I wrote for ifanboy this week (thanks a ton once again!) was done using dashes because I had a lot of ancillary thoughts that I wanted to throw in without cluttering the page, however while reading it on my screen I realize that the dashes don't really separate the content very well

I'm thinking that maybe parentheses are the the way to go for digital writing and that dashes can work better in print when your eyes are closer to the page

[paper]

I actually prefer an 'em dash.' It's essentially the same thing as a parenthetical, but it looks a little more professional.

An em dash is that longer dash, which usually autoformats when you type two regular, or 'en' dashes. Sometimes it doesn't autoformat, so you just get those two dashes. No spaces needed, although some people who don't like how that longer dash looks will often do the space dash space format you went with.

em dash = blah blah--blah blah blah--blah blah blippity blah. (ideally, the two dashes should fuse together as one longer line automatically)
en dash = blah blah blah - blah blah - blippity blah blah.

According to wikipedia, that's how they like it in France.

In closing, I like the way the longer em dash looks and use it for thoughtful asides. I use parenthesis for snarkier, more comical non sequitors. Academic versus comical. Does that make sense?

[six-gun]

In closing, I like the way the longer em dash looks and use it for thoughtful asides. I use parenthesis for snarkier, more comical non sequitors. Academic versus comical. Does that make sense?

So you would mix the two in one piece of writing?

[flakbait]

So you would mix the two in one piece of writing?

Paper's correct. They actually have different functions, they're not just different versions of the same thing. Something in a parenthesis is information that isn't vital, it's just extra stuff the writer wants to throw in. Something emphasized with a dash is vital to whatever the writer is talking about.

[paper]

Hmm...for whatever reason, I feel like a piece that features one of those wouldn't feature the other. I don't know that I've ever mixed them.

[flakbait]

In our books (I work for a big company that produces accounting reference boo...zzzzz-oh, sorry) we use both. Sometimes we even use both in the same sentence.

It's probably more of a technical writing thing.

[darksyns]

Alright, so I'm not really sure what this thread is being used for so I'm just gonna post a short story I wrote over the weekend. Any type of constructive criticism is welcome. I apologize for the crappy wordpress page. I just made it yesterday and still have no clue what I'm gonna do with it. Anyways Enjoy.

http://darksyns.wordpress.com/the-refined/

[flakbait]

Thought I'd blow the dust off this thread. I just posted a little article on my blog about the term "superhero" that might encourage some discussion.

http://afburns.wordpress.com/

[denmmurray]

I'm glad to see this thread is here. Since my leap back into comics since my hiatus I've been inspired to actually write one and I wanted to toss this query out there:

How do you approach a backstory for a hero and make it not hoakey? The character I'm trying to develop has gone through some changes because I read what I had written to myself and said "Dude...this is lame."

[valoharth]

The idea of writing a musical popped into my head while I was listening to the Once more, With Feeling sound track from Buffy. It snowballed from there and the idea to do a musical is starting to take over every thought in my head. Its even messing with the mini comic I'm writing.

Anyway, I think the only way I can get the other thing finished is by outlineing the musical, but first I need something to kind of go off of. I'm going through and trying to deconstruct the musical, this is where I need help.

What are your views on musicals? What are some of the common traits musicals have? Other then song and dance, is there anything that makes them genre?

[flakbait]

What are your views on musicals? What are some of the common traits musicals have? Other then song and dance, is there anything that makes them genre?

I enjoy musicals, though I know virtually nothing about writing music. I don't think I could ever write one myself.

The defining characteristics of a musical:

The story is told through song. Seems obvious, but people who don't like musicals seem to miss the point when they complain that there's "too much singing."

The show must go on! At least in traditional musicals, in which the story was centered on a movie, or some sort of act, nothing is more important than entertaining the paying audience. It's harder to find that in newer, more experimental musicals like Dancer in the Dark. For Buffy I'd say the "show" was the fight against evil, despite her growing emotionally distant from her friends and the interpersonal conflicts she was dealing with.

[timmywood-]

I found a short story from my past. A lot of writers on this board whose opinions I respect. If you guys read it and let me know what you thought I would greatly appreciate it.

http://tinyurl.com/69a6bk

Thanks Yo!

[racemccloud]

The idea of writing a musical popped into my head while I was listening to the Once more, With Feeling sound track from Buffy. It snowballed from there and the idea to do a musical is starting to take over every thought in my head. Its even messing with the mini comic I'm writing.

Anyway, I think the only way I can get the other thing finished is by outlineing the musical, but first I need something to kind of go off of. I'm going through and trying to deconstruct the musical, this is where I need help.

What are your views on musicals? What are some of the common traits musicals have? Other then song and dance, is there anything that makes them genre?

Musicals need song. They don't necessarily need dance. A lot of great musicals have little or no dancing (have you met my friend, Mr. Sondheim? YES I KNOW HE WROTE DANCE MUSICALS! But he wrote many that were not.) That's really all that matters. In fact, only one thing really "matters" when crafting a musical, and that's already been covered:

A significant portion of the story must be told through song! The songs must drive the plot along. If they don't, you don't have a true musical; you have a minstrel/variety show.

Every other decision you make is a decision of style. But that's what defines a musical. Advice? Decide what story you want to tell, and pick out the moments (preferably key ones) that can happen in song rather than in dialogue.

While admittedly this may seem difficult, I actually think it can be rather creatively liberating. There's a great Ewan MacGregor quote from back when he was promoting Moulin Rouge that I often go back to when I'm directing a musical. It goes something like this: "You can get away with saying things through song that would seem incredibly stupid and cheesy if spoken." (I'm paraphrasing.)

Good luck, have fun, and don't let the bastards keep you down!

[racemccloud]

On the subject of writing musicals: currently on Broadway after a loong trip through off-Broadway is a musical called "(title of show)" It's about two guys writing a musical about two guys writing a musical about two guys writing a musical. It's sweet, a little overdone, very foul-mouthed, and funny. Two songs from it I'd recommend on your iTunes:

On the subject of writing musicals" "Original Musical". Think "I'm Just a Bill" or "Amendment to Be" with a buttload of cursing.

As inspiration for any writer/artist: "Die Vampire, Die!" For those times when you want to give up.

Enjoy!

(Seriously. Check them out.)

[paulsharkey]

Thought I'd blow the dust off this thread. I just posted a little article on my blog about the term "superhero" that might encourage some discussion.

http://afburns.wordpress.com/

Realy enjoyed that. The idea of Superhero being a bad word, I see how that can be true but I say we take it back

[racemccloud]

Thought I'd blow the dust off this thread. I just posted a little article on my blog about the term "superhero" that might encourage some discussion.

http://afburns.wordpress.com/

Nice and old-schooly, with clearly defined action throughout. The most important part of writing the action prose scene is being able to describe what the hell's going on, and you do that nicely.

It's a little short and sweet, though. One barely gets a taste for what you're doing before it is done. Also, having the heroine scream out "Fuck!" seems a little out-of-genre and takes me out of the world. Maybe that's just me. Well crafted, though.

[racemccloud]

Alright, so I'm not really sure what this thread is being used for so I'm just gonna post a short story I wrote over the weekend. Any type of constructive criticism is welcome. I apologize for the crappy wordpress page. I just made it yesterday and still have no clue what I'm gonna do with it. Anyways Enjoy.

http://darksyns.wordpress.com/the-refined/

Totally not my taste or chosen genre. But not bad. You write well; it's well written, but a first draft, certainly in need of a polish and probably a rewrite. Some of it is a little over-the-top and hokey, but that fits in these sort of horror/B-movie/gorefest genres (Tidus is one strong dude, BTW). It's well thought out and the action is clear, but it is more of a day-in-the-life of Drake than it is a self-contained story. It feels like we start in the middle of the story (as detailed by that big chunk of expository dialogue that starts it off) and don't really get a clean ending. Biggest concern? I don't like or care about the protagonist. I didn't find myself wrapped up at all in the stakes (no pun intended) for Drake. He could have lived, could have died, I didn't care.

But worth a polish and a rewrite. Again, it's tough for me to be a fair judge because I really don't like the genre, which is certainly not your fault or problem. But you've got some chops. Keep at it!

EDIT: Hey, you know what would really work? Get rid of the exposition, reveal through the course of the story that the protagonist is a vampire, that the human race has died out, and that they're up against zombies. Sometimes exposition is necessary. Most of the time you can trust your audience to pick things up as they are revealed through the course of a story. People are smarter than many writers give them credit for. Also, the end comes a little out of nowhere; somewhere there should probably be mention of the risks of drinking zombie blood.

[racemccloud]

So, hey, remember when Marvel did "Epic"? Yeah. I, like many others, and possibly like many of you, wrote up a submission. It was called "Banned for Life", and it was an X-Men story that dealt with the effect of mutants in professional sports.

Even as the years have passed and I've written other things, I come back to that story, because I think it was pretty good. Well, now YOU can be the judge!

I'd love to hear what some in the community think of it. I've written a lot of other stuff since then, but this one in particular seems like something people on the site here can appreciate. Let me know what you think!

Here it is. "Banned for Life":

http://sites.google.com/site/writerhonk/Home/banned-for-life-an-x-men-story

[cenquist]

Loved the ending to that story man. Good job.

[racemccloud]

Loved the ending to that story man. Good job.

Thanks man, I appreciate it. I really like how that last scene turned out as well.

What ending is he talking about? Why, the ending to this story here!

http://sites.google.com/site/writerhonk/Home/banned-for-life-an-x-men-story

[racemccloud]

I found a short story from my past. A lot of writers on this board whose opinions I respect. If you guys read it and let me know what you thought I would greatly appreciate it.

http://tinyurl.com/69a6bk

Thanks Yo!

Ferdinand is funny. It helps that he and his relationship to the protagonist remind me of a friend of mine from high school, but it works. However, if the ending means what I think it means, then the entire first scene is completely unnecessary. You could have just taken them straight to the BBQ joint where the alibi is born.

Either way, because of the amount of narration-less dialogue here... you do realize that this would probably work better as a short play, don't you?

SPOILER WARNING!
(Ferdinand doesn't exist, right? Like I said, that doesn't work for me, because then we don't need the first half of the story as it has nothing to do with the alibi for not going to the wedding.)

[racemccloud]

Hey! Me again! Talking to myself!

Actually, I wanted to post another link. I know I put my "X-Men" Epic Comics submission up earlier in the thread, but I actually but up a bunch of my writing samples onto my small, very plain webpage. If anyone wants to take a look and give some feedback, please feel free. Bump!

http://sites.google.com/site/writerhonk/

[dave-accampo]

I'm glad to see this thread is here. Since my leap back into comics since my hiatus I've been inspired to actually write one and I wanted to toss this query out there:

How do you approach a backstory for a hero and make it not hoakey? The character I'm trying to develop has gone through some changes because I read what I had written to myself and said "Dude...this is lame."

Saw this post and was curious... what is hokey? I mean, are you referring to the backstory itself being hokey? Like, "I was bitten by a radioactive marmoset." Or is it the actual device you're using to tell the backstory? Like, "It all happened a year ago, while I was at the petting zoo with my girlfriend..."

Tell us a little more about what you're struggling with and maybe we can help.

[valoharth]

I know most of you already follow me on twitter but incase there are some people who don't I've started to do the two weeks of stories thing again. I've already started but its never too later if you want to join in. You can go here to find out more details:

http://dexcheck.wordpress.com/

[racemccloud]

I know most of you already follow me on twitter but incase there are some people who don't I've started to do the two weeks of stories thing again. I've already started but its never too later if you want to join in. You can go here to find out more details:

http://dexcheck.wordpress.com/

At a point in this story, your protagonist is thinking about writing, and he acknowledges (and I'm paraphrasing here) that he doesn't possess the mechanical and grammatical fundamental skills of a writer, but that's okay as 90% of writing is editing, anyway. Although that 90% is a bit of an arbitrary figure, I understand your point. A first draft is never a final draft. I also understand that you are presenting a piece of writing that is in its infancy, something that you just pounded out in a day. Also fine.

However...

Understand that most writers, even those without natural mechanical and functional skills, and who require massive edits to fix their grammatical mistakes, wait until their work is mechanically repaired before presenting it for critique. Otherwise, all they will get are comments on the grammar and mechanics, and not on what they're looking for: story critique.

This story needs massive mechanical repairs.

You've chosen to do this "Two Weeks of Writing". Fine. I would recommend that you follow it up immediately with "Two Weeks of Rewriting", where you take these stories you drag into existence to meet your imaginary deadline and beat the mechanical errors out of them. Because write now, as written, it's painful to read this story. And there is a story in there, but don't waste the one look you're going to get from people on the board on endless comments telling you the mechanics are weak. Fix 'em, and then put the story out there for criticism.

Although I will give one general story critique: Personally, I think it's always a bad idea to write about writing.

Take none of this personally. I'm trying to help. :D

[racemccloud]

Really? Nothing? Nobody? No responses to reviews? No reviews themselves? What kind of a workshop is this, anyway?! :D

Anyway, here's my site again: http://sites.google.com/site/writerhonk/

Bump!

[racemccloud]

Hey, writers, listen up...

I'm the director of a college theatre group in Brooklyn, NY, and in February we're producing an original evening of 15 Minute Plays. Now, the thing is called "Brooklyn Voices", and theoretically we're looking for playwrights with some connection, however vague, to Brooklyn. When that doesn't work, we'll expand it to New York playwrights. And then beyond that, if needed. And since I'm running the damn thing, I can pretty much submit anything I want for consideration.

What I'm saying, if anyone here on the forums wants to submit a play, I'll pass it into the review process, location be damned.

What we're looking for are not One-Act plays, but short plays, no longer than 15 minutes. Our goal is to get six or seven into a two-evening run. This is the "Workshop" production we do in the middle of the year, and the point of it is that we allow the students to run it. So they will do the initial reads of the plays, and then if they choose too many to fit into an evening, I'll have the final say. And I promise you now, they won't care where you live as long as the play is good. (This whole "Brooklyn" thing is something that the college Arts Council kind of put on us. I'm skeptical that I'll get enough good plays from one borough.)

If you're interested in submitting, let me know, either in this thread of through a PM or whatever. Our submissions deadline is Dec. 15th. Hopefully one or two of the fine writers we have here on the site will bite.

That's all for now. Let me know if you're interested in submitting!

[timmywood-]

Ferdinand is funny. It helps that he and his relationship to the protagonist remind me of a friend of mine from high school, but it works. However, if the ending means what I think it means, then the entire first scene is completely unnecessary. You could have just taken them straight to the BBQ joint where the alibi is born.

Either way, because of the amount of narration-less dialogue here... you do realize that this would probably work better as a short play, don't you?

SPOILER WARNING!
(Ferdinand doesn't exist, right? Like I said, that doesn't work for me, because then we don't need the first half of the story as it has nothing to do with the alibi for not going to the wedding.)

Thanks for reading. For some reason I thought I replied to this but maybe I forgot. Yeah Plays are what I am used to writing and are what I am trying to break away from to try new things.

[racemccloud]

Thanks for reading. For some reason I thought I replied to this but maybe I forgot. Yeah Plays are what I am used to writing and are what I am trying to break away from to try new things.

Check your PM's, dude.

[racemccloud]

Hey, writers, this is the college theatre group I direct, and this is what we're looking for. Have any questions? Let me know. Later!

St. Joseph’s College Chapel Players
Call for Submissions:
“Brooklyn Voices”

The Chapel Players of St. Joseph’s College in Brooklyn, NY are looking for short plays to feature in “Brooklyn Voices”, an evening of short-form theater that will be performed in February ’09. “Brooklyn Voices” seeks to feature work by playwrights who have at some point either lived or worked in Brooklyn, NY, OR by playwrights from anywhere who have a short play about Brooklyn to submit. Plays must be no longer than 15 pages, and must run no longer than 15 minutes.

Please include with your submission both a top Cover Page followed by a Title Page; information on each page should be as follows:

Cover Page:
Name of Play
Author(s)
Contact info: E-Mail, Phone, Mailing Address

Title Page:
Title of Play
Characters w/Male-Female Breakdown
Number of Pages
DO NOT include Author(s) name on the Title Page

Submission deadline:
December 15, 2008

Submit by mail:
St. Joseph’s College
245 Clinton Ave.
Brooklyn, NY 11205
Attn: Stacey Temple/”BV Submissions”

Submit by e-mail:
stemple@sjcny.edu
All electronic submission should be sent as .PDF files, and should include the above-mentioned Cover and Title Pages.

[flakbait]

Nice and old-schooly, with clearly defined action throughout. The most important part of writing the action prose scene is being able to describe what the hell's going on, and you do that nicely.

It's a little short and sweet, though. One barely gets a taste for what you're doing before it is done. Also, having the heroine scream out "Fuck!" seems a little out-of-genre and takes me out of the world. Maybe that's just me. Well crafted, though.

Oh, hey thanks. I've been away for a while and just now saw this (and got your PM). I need to start posting here again. For some reason the 'net connection at work makes it a pain to post here. Anyway...

It's short primarily because I only posted a short section of it. There's much more before and after that snippet that I posted. I can understand cringing at Kelly's language, hehe. She's got quite a mouth on her, it's just part of her personality. If you get bored one day you can check out a full story with that character (at a point much later in her career) over at A Thousand Faces. Lots of action there.

http://www.thousand-faces.com/red.htm