He cheated

[ariastar]

I found out he cheated the entire time we were together. At least eight different people. Since his roommates are away for the weekend, there's potential for it to be a lot more than that. We don't use condoms because I'm infertile. He said he only sleeps with girls he trusts because he doesn't like condoms, and he promised me more than once that he was faithful because he didn't want to do anything to hurt me.

So I think you can figure out the position this puts me in.

While I love him, I'll kill him if he gave me an STD.

[deegraww]

I found out he cheated the entire time we were together. At least eight different people. Since his roommates are away for the weekend, there's potential for it to be a lot more than that. We don't use condoms because I'm infertile. He said he only sleeps with girls he trusts because he doesn't like condoms, and he promised me more than once that he was faithful because he didn't want to do anything to hurt me.

So I think you can figure out the position this puts me in.

While I love him, I'll kill him if he gave me an STD.

Wow not using a condom is dumb hopefully you don't learn the hard way.

[rroethel]

i say kill him anyway he cheated on u. thats grounds enough to take away his manhood.

[deegraww]

i say kill him anyway he cheated on u. thats grounds enough to take away his manhood.

Actually it's not. I don't agree with cheating. I think it's stupid but just because you got cheated on doesn't give you the right to do anything but feel bad, learn from your mistake and move on. It sucks but that's the honest truth.

[samureye]

Yeah, just live and let live. Try to take the situation and learn from it. To state the obvious: wrap it up, and try to read people better.

[crumbles]

Guys are programmed to plant their seed in as many chicks as they can before they die. Chicks are programmed to keep someone around to protect them. Hence, you're probably really upset about this while he's continuing to spread his STD's around to other chicks.

However...

I'd like to think that we have evolved a little bit past that and can maintain monogamous relationships. Threfore, him doing that to you is pretty shitty. There's no reason he can't end the monogaminity-ness (best made up word EVER) of the relationship before hurting you and possibly giving you a disease. (I wonder if you could sue someone over something like that....)

Anyway, sorry he did that to you, but your life will move on.

[skyz]

HE IS A JERK

if it were me i would never even speak to him again or if i did he would not like what i had to say

i can use words like a laser when i am pissed ! and i would be so pissed off if anyone risked me in that manner !!!

my bf and i had an agreement that if ever either one of us wanted to be with someone else we would tell the other FIRST

i had a friend that came home early from a visit to her mom and found another woman in her home cooking for her bf wearing her nightgown (can you imagine) :eek:

she left without saying a word came back the next day got her things and NEVER spoke to him again

think of it as a hopeful blessing

now you don't need to go back and forth in your mind or wonder what YOU did wrong

he did wrong

next

you can do better honey

a jerk like him just isn't worth your precious time and your valuable affection

[patch]

I'm gonna try to keep it breif since almost the same situation happened to me awhile back, and I don't wanna get into spilling my story.


Aria, just cut him off. Cut him out of your life. From what you've shared about him here, I can tell he just isn't a good guy, and you need to see that and let go.

Don't see him, don't talk to him. Just quit him cold turkey.

Maybe you need a vacation? Get away from it all for a week or maybe just the weekend. It doesn't have to be anywhere extravigant. Maybe just out of state. Maybe somewhere you haven't been? (I'd suggest Washington, cause we have some pretty awesome stuff here, but we're having some major wind storms, so that may damper the whole peacfulness you'd probably want.) Just some other place where you can let go for awhile.

He's an ass, and I know you know it. You just don't want to accept it. I understand how someone just can't let go of someone they love so much, but you need to. He will destroy you if this keeps going, and I know no one here wants to see that.

You've got my E-mail address if you want to talk.

Be strong, you can make it through this. It'll be hard, but you can.

[balzout]

Wow...Aria, you may not know who this is but I know of you. I am so sorry. We have differed before but I am truly sorry this happened to you. Stay strong girl.

[darksyns]

And yet another chick bangs a bastard and then complains about it when he ****s her over...(sorry just experience this crap all the time tons of personal experience)

Anyway, I don't really know the situation but the guys a bastard and you should just move on. If he did give you an std chop that ****ers dick off and make him choke on it.

By the way stay strong and remember their still are plenty of good guys out there that don't want to hurt you.

[hawkeye216]

Anyway, sorry he did that to you, but your life will move on.Move on with a couple STDs!

[skyz]

Move on with a couple STDs!

see aria it is easy to find another abusive jerk - they are easily repaceable :rolleyes:

[hawkeye216]

see aria it is easy to find another abusive jerk - they are easily repaceable :rolleyes:Oh calm down, cupcake, it was just a joke. Now get back to training for your Spelling Bee.

[skyz]

And yet another chick bangs a bastard and then complains about it when he ****s her over...(sorry just experience this crap all the time tons of personal experience)





So in Love"
by Cole Porter

Strange dear, but true dear,
When I'm close to you, dear,
The stars fill the sky,
So in love with you am I.
Even without you,
My arms fold about you,
You know, darling why,
So in love with you am I.
In love with the night mysterious,
The night when you first were there.
In love with my joy delirious,
When i knew that you might care.
So taunt me, and hurt me,
Decieve me, desert me,
I'm yours till I die,
So in love with you am I

:confused:

[skyz]

Oh calm down, cupcake, it was just a joke. Now get back to training for your Spelling Bee.

no one could be calmer - i don't agonize over jerks :D

[tokenuser]

So in Love"
by Cole PorterCole Porter has the best lyrics (BTW - try and find a copy or Red Hot and Blue, cover versions of Cole Porter songs, released 1990 to benefit AIDS research and still an awesome album) ...

Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today, Madam.
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.
She is sorry to be delayed,
But last evening her Lover he strayed.
Madam...
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.

When she woke up and found, that her dream of love was gone.
Madam.
She ran to the man who had lead her so far astray.
And from under a velvet gown,
She drew a gun and shot her lover down,
Madam.
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.

When the mob came and got her and dragged her from the jail,
Madam,
They strung her from the old willow cross the way.
And the moment before she died,
She lifted up her lovely head and cried,
Madam.
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.

(followed by ...)

It was just one of those things
Just one of those crazy flings
One of those bells that now and then rings
Just one of those things

It was just one of those nights
Just one of those fabulous flights
A trip to the moon on gossamer wings
Just one of those things

If we'd thought a bit, of the end of it
When we started painting the town
We'd have been aware that our love affair
Was too hot, not to cool down

So good-bye, my dear, and amen
Here's hoping we meet now and then
It was great fun
But it was just one of those things

If we'd thought a bit, of the end of it
When we started painting the town
We'd have been aware that our love affair
Was too hot, not to cool down

So good-bye, my dear, and amen
Here's hoping we meet now and then
It was great fun
But it was just one of those things

Just one of those things

(Cole Porter: Miss Otis Regret / Just One Of Those Things)

[samureye]

I am convinced token knows something about anything.

[tokenuser]

I am convinced token knows something about anything.Never take me on at Pub trivia.

[samureye]

I wanna play you in Trivial Pursuit.

[skyz]

I wanna play you in Trivial Pursuit.

i wanna watch :D

[skyz]

I am convinced token knows something about anything.


my favorite kind especially if they are pure of heart

[skyz]

[/COLOR]Cole Porter has the best lyrics (BTW - try and find a copy or Red Hot and Blue, cover versions of Cole Porter songs, released 1990 to benefit AIDS research and still an awesome album) ...

Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today, Madam.
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.
She is sorry to be delayed,
But last evening her Lover he strayed.
Madam...
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.

When she woke up and found, that her dream of love was gone.
Madam.
She ran to the man who had lead her so far astray.
And from under a velvet gown,
She drew a gun and shot her lover down,
Madam.
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.

When the mob came and got her and dragged her from the jail,
Madam,
They strung her from the old willow cross the way.
And the moment before she died,
She lifted up her lovely head and cried,
Madam.
Miss Aria regrets she's unable to lunch today.


(Cole Porter: Miss Otis Regrets)

HA HA HA HA HA

that is perfect !!!

i see aria in green velvet like scarlett o'hara when she wears grren velvet to visit rhett in jail :)

that song is the wittiest song ever and so classy

i love porter gershwin and berlin

the first jury (performance final) i sang gershwin's last song and my first song and another gershwin

'it is very clear' and 'embraceable you'

my song was a jazz song called 'sweet solitude' (it sounded good because the jazz pianist caressed those keys - he was wonderful)

i was so nervous i thought i would die i sang with my eyes shut on the fare side of the piano clutching the edge

fortunately the first time is by far the worst !!!

aria if you dump him i will bet you $100 that you will finally hear the words you have wanted to hear

(MY BF DID THAT - HE WAS sooo sorry he was always soooooooo selfish

but i was done

so don't you falter

he is just going to be desperate ;)

no matter what his attitude he is not good enough

you can tell him i said so :)

[jasonbates]

He sounds like a jerk, [expletive deleted] (and im sure he'll like that)

[ariastar]

Okay, so Friday night Nick swore to me he has only been with me since coming to this country. I took it with a boulder of salt and told him so, that the informant (I'm using that word now, but is someone much closer to him than me and really gains nothing) has no reason to lie, but instead has a lot to lose. But he seemed sincere, so I presumed who knows, would figure it out later. He asked me to please not sleep with anyone else, asked until I promised.

Last night I was at his place until about 11 or so working on a song with him.

This morning I went to drop Emma off as I do every Sunday between noon and 2 (she and Max are really close), and Nick knew this. We weren't going to pull the dogs apart. I got over there and was bustling about, playing with the dogs, wondering why his kitchen light was on and the windows and back door all open. I almost decided to head to his room and make sure he was okay. There was no way he couldn't not know I was there.

And then I heard another girl screaming out (sexually) from his room. I immediately left and collapsed by my car crying for a few hours.

Then I decided to walk to work (a mile and a half from his place) because I just wouldn't be safe driving.

After I was here for an hour or so, he called and asked where I was sounding very concerned (oh how good he is at that), he was worried that my car was there and I wasn't, and was I okay? I told him no, and he asked if there was anything he could do for me, and I told him to die and go to hell, then hung up.

I've talked with two friends about this so far since it's still so recent, and one (a guy) considers him to be an asshole, but the other (girl) said I'm acting like a psycho ex-girlfriend. I told her that it always seems that the one who is wronged and hurt is called a psycho and whatever the wrong person does is glossed over and the focus on the "psycho ex." Do I not have a right to cry and feel hurt? For fuck's sake I'm waiting for test results and have been slammed around pretty hard, and I'm psycho when I've done nothing more than cry? I haven't called him, touched any of his stuff, contacted any mutual friends, screamed this around work, nothing at all but cry. So someone please explain how I'm the psycho-ex instead of him being the psycho-fucktard.

[tokenuser]

===[ Threads merged ]===

Do you really need another thread to confirm that the guy is an ass and you need to kick his butt to the curb and move on?
And don't worry about the dogs - they'll get over it.

[skyz]

aria this guy is dangerous

i had a guy who really went out of his way to mess with my head

i was not 'with' him because i never felt i could trust him but he was good at his games - he had perfected them thru practice - it was obvious

and he really liked me - he lit up like times square every time he saw me

he stalked me around school with his crackhead girlfriend

(what kind of a girl helps her bf chase down another girl)

i used to sleep with my hand over my heart because it hurt

i got really sick

but once i figured out that he was doing this on purpose i set my will against him

it got to the point where i could walk right by him and not react on any level

and then he disappeared because he was suspeneded from school because he had been paying tuition but not going to class

for two solid years

that was how he could always manage to be where i was

stop wondering about him and get yourself free

[kickarse]

===[ Threads merged ]===

Do you really need another thread to confirm that the guy is an ass and you need to kick his butt to the curb and move on?
And don't worry about the dogs - they'll get over it.

I agree whole heartedly. Stop the whining and get to action.

Don't get me wrong, what he did and is doing is wrong and I feel for you. BUT, you already know what to do, just DO IT, jeez.

[ariastar]

His family likes me, and his ex wrote to me after posting. What she said is enlightening. What she went through ended up being even worse. But a lot of people who've known him for a long time are shocked by how bad he's become lately, and his brother has no respect for him anymore and is ashamed by him. What I feel right now is like I have a shield around me and he's not getting in.

The problem I'm left with (aside from possible disease) is that this severely damages my ability to trust. He earned it, then used it against me. I've had trust abused, but never actively used against me.

Token, the point of the other thread wasn't for validation of him being an ass, but actually to ask why it is that the one who's wronged is the one who is usually the one called "psycho."

[patch]

His family likes me, and his ex wrote to me after posting. What she said is enlightening. What she went through ended up being even worse. But a lot of people who've known him for a long time are shocked by how bad he's become lately, and his brother has no respect for him anymore and is ashamed by him. What I feel right now is like I have a shield around me and he's not getting in.

The problem I'm left with (aside from possible disease) is that this severely damages my ability to trust. He earned it, then used it against me. I've had trust abused, but never actively used against me.

Token, the point of the other thread wasn't for validation of him being an ass, but actually to ask why it is that the one who's wronged is the one who is usually the one called "psycho."

Don't let him damage anything about you Aria. Just be more careful. Learn from it. Don't come walking away from it limping. Come away from it stronger.

And no. You are not a psycho. People saying you are are just taking sides and stooping to the level of name calling.

[tokenuser]

Token, the point of the other thread wasn't for validation of him being an ass, but actually to ask why it is that the one who's wronged is the one who is usually the one called "psycho."Continuation of the same theme - without the background, its hard to make a judgement call.

You have the support you need. I think your biggest challenge is that you work at the same company (NEVER fish off the company pier). As much as it sucks, this might be the impetous to get off your arse and find a new job ... perhaps in a new town (ever thought of San Diego? - lots of tech down there, and its a great place to live).

You now have experience - use that to your advantage.
New town, new job, new start ... what are you waiting for? More excuses?

(BTW - thank to Uncle Sam, now know I have no STDs ... they wouldn't believe my word and needed a doc to verify. I also don't have a hernia ... which for some reason is a medical test guys need to take for immigration. You can thank the USCIS for making sure that my lack of a hernia is not a cause for a rise in security threat levels.)

[ariastar]

I agree whole heartedly. Stop the whining and get to action.

Don't get me wrong, what he did and is doing is wrong and I feel for you. BUT, you already know what to do, just DO IT, jeez.

To "just do it" is a lot harder when there's love that was involved.

[ariastar]

You have the support you need. I think your biggest challenge is that you work at the same company (NEVER fish off the company pier).

That was part of why I tried so hard not to fall for him when I felt it happening and instead dating a ton of other guys.


As much as it sucks, this might be the impetous to get off your arse and find a new job ... perhaps in a new town (ever thought of San Diego? - lots of tech down there, and its a great place to live).

I hate San Diego. Hmmmm...new town.... Are you the ONLY person who knows nothing about this (http://boundforcanada.livejournal.com/)? Half the people on Digg know about it, and I thought everyone here did.


You now have experience - use that to your advantage.
New town, new job, new start ... what are you waiting for? More excuses?

See above. It comes down to the money, which I am actively scrimping and saving for right now. (I owe Nick $400, but after this, I think that's a canceled debt, so the 4-$100 bills in my pocket are going into the fund.)


(BTW - thank to Uncle Sam, now know I have no STDs ... they wouldn't believe my word and needed a doc to verify. I also don't have a hernia ... which for some reason is a medical test guys need to take for immigration. You can thank the USCIS for making sure that my lack of a hernia is not a cause for a rise in security threat levels.)

WTF? A HERNIA can keep you out?!

[tokenuser]

I hate San Diego. Hmmmm...new town.... Are you the ONLY person who knows nothing about this (http://boundforcanada.livejournal.com/)? Half the people on Digg know about it, and I thought everyone here did.No - I knew about that. Point is, you can't move there yet, and its going to take time to get the cash together to make it happen ... so move somewhere where you can get a job that pays good money. Don't like SD? Not a big deal - only suggested it because it was away from SF ... and you need a change.
WTF? A HERNIA can keep you out?!Great huh? Week after thanksgiving, I have to drive 3 hours for a 9am meeting so they can take finger prints and iris scans as well ... meanwhile, based on my submission date it will take about 5 years for me to get to the head of the queue for a greencard. I don't think I am going to last that long at this company - no promotion opportunities ... more of the same ... and after 5 years it is getting very old. I want to do my own thing (program) and can't while I am tied to them by my Visa.

Everyone has problems. My GF (now wife) went through what you are going through (and then some) ... and (as of today) we have been married for 6 years (and been together for another 10 on top of that).

[kickarse]

To "just do it" is a lot harder when there's love that was involved.

I completely understand that and I'm not a cold hearted bastard. It's just it seems as though it's been something that been a long time in coming. That you just need to make a final decision and get through this rough patch quickly to be as unscathed as possible. Cut it off as completely and quickly as possible. And you'll be forever grateful that you did.

I know that it's extremely hard to do this. Love is the hardest emotion to escape from. It costs so much time and energy. It believes the best even at the worst of times. Which makes it a struggle to see outside the box at these dark times.

Love can make you sick in the stomach (heartache) or weak in the knees (infatuation). But, find the love that will make you feel like you could conquer a mountain (true love).

[masherscf]

I think that Nick's state of fidelity is irrelevant. I hate to be cold. I'm not insensitive. But, a healthy relationship requires trust. You obviously don't trust Nick and he has not acted to engender your trust. He doesn't communicate with you properly. He keeps you in a state of constant instability. He's not a good boyfriend. I understand that you're in love with him. But, he's abusing you. It would be more obvious if he punched you around and left bruises. But, this is exactly what he's doing to you. Many people love their abusers. It doesn't matter. He's using your feelings to control you. You're not happy. You need to get out. Please, get out now.

[skyz]

This can't be love because I feel so well
No sobs, no sorrows, no sighs
This can't be love I get no dizzy spells
My head is not in the skies

My hearts does not stand still
Just to repeat
This is too sweet to be love
This can't be love because I feel so well
Yet I long to look into your eyes

[rabidbadger]

I think that Nick's state of fidelity is irrelevant. I hate to be cold. I'm not insensitive. But, a healthy relationship requires trust. You obviously don't trust Nick and he has not acted to engender your trust. He doesn't communicate with you properly. He keeps you in a state of constant instability. He's not a good boyfriend. I understand that you're in love with him. But, he's abusing you. It would be more obvious if he punched you around and left bruises. But, this is exactly what he's doing to you. Many people love their abusers. It doesn't matter. He's using your feelings to control you. You're not happy. You need to get out. Please, get out now.

absolutely-fucxing-ditto!

[wizmaster]

I think that Nick's state of fidelity is irrelevant. I hate to be cold. I'm not insensitive. But, a healthy relationship requires trust. You obviously don't trust Nick and he has not acted to engender your trust. He doesn't communicate with you properly. He keeps you in a state of constant instability. He's not a good boyfriend. I understand that you're in love with him. But, he's abusing you. It would be more obvious if he punched you around and left bruises. But, this is exactly what he's doing to you. Many people love their abusers. It doesn't matter. He's using your feelings to control you. You're not happy. You need to get out. Please, get out now.

I don't usually like to get into personal matters of other people. Especially on the interwebs. I will make an exception in this case though.

Quote. For ****ing. Truth.

[ariastar]

At this point, while I'm still sad, I think I'm sadder for him. I don't know if he has an ability to love, and that means he'll lose out on some of the best things life has to offer. We've still got a "date" for the company Christmas party, and I think we're going to try to salvage a friendship, but otherwise? My heart still aches, but I've got the type of friends he can only dream of, friends who have really been helpful and supportive. Know what? Every single one of you who've replied here are better friends than the people he hangs out with, and a couple of you have user names I barely recognize.

[patch]

At this point, while I'm still sad, I think I'm sadder for him. I don't know if he has an ability to love, and that means he'll lose out on some of the best things life has to offer. We've still got a "date" for the company Christmas party, and I think we're going to try to salvage a friendship, but otherwise? My heart still aches, but I've got the type of friends he can only dream of, friends who have really been helpful and supportive. Know what? Every single one of you who've replied here are better friends than the people he hangs out with, and a couple of you have user names I barely recognize.

*cheers*

Hearing you talk like that brings a small smile to my lips.

Personally, I wouldn't go on the 'date' with him. He'll probably want to talk about the whole deal, and try to convince you of changing your mind. Which you don't need to do. He may even turn to trying to blame it on you and make you feel guilty. But, thats just my opinion.

[deegraww]

We've still got a "date" for the company Christmas party, and I think we're going to try to salvage a friendship,

Dumbest thing I?ve ever heard. So you like being unhappy and miserable? I mean that's what you are doing to yourself with this douche bag around.

Someone that could do something like that to you is not worth having in your life PERIOD. You should never take the back seat to someone that could do that to you. If you leave someone like that in your life it's just a constant reminder of how he dicked you over.

Treat him like a band-aid. Rip it off, wince cause it's a little painful, then move on. Also, yes, it is easy to "Just do it". If you can't do that, there isn't anything anyone here can tell you. Might sound rough but that's your wake-up call. Feeling sorry for yourself or not putting the blame where it belongs (The D-Bag) is not helpful or healthy.

That should cover all the things I wanted to say about this thread.

[tokenuser]

We've still got a "date" for the company Christmas party, and I think we're going to try to salvage a friendship, but otherwise? My heart still aches, but I've got the type of friends he can only dream of, friends who have really been helpful and supportive. Know what? Every single one of you who've replied here are better friends than the people he hangs out with, and a couple of you have user names I barely recognize.Don't do it. He is setting you up for public embarassment and humiliation - especially if the "other" person was that girl that also works at the company.

[skyz]

you dear girl have a date with your future self

show up SINGLE look fab be charming to everybody but whatshisname

drink only champagne

and leave early

be a legend in your own time

your coming to your senses is on my list of things to be thankful for

feeling compassion for one who has hurt you frees you from both anger and fear and that is something to celebrate