Parenting-Modern Day Punishments for misbehavior

[diane]

Okay, so my son did something both stupid and bad. A kid hit him at school and he hit him back. Not cool. I understand to a point, but still. Anakin is learning karate and busted out a move. The really bad part though is that he hands me the "Strike Sheet" at 6:30pm on Sunday to sign for school the next day. Obviously he was trying to avoid be punished. It backfired royally on him needless to say.

So my question is this, what are good punishments that actually work? Is there something your parents did that made you sit up and pay attention? Is there something that has worked on your own kids?

I am just trying to get the kid to grow up right without having to kill him or tie him down, since I don't those will accomplish the main goal ;)

[tsmith15]

My parents took my games away when I was younger.

[taozoo4u]

Okay, so my son did something both stupid and bad. A kid hit him at school and he hit him back. Not cool. I understand to a point, but still. Anakin is learning karate and busted out a move. The really bad part though is that he hands me the "Strike Sheet" at 6:30pm on Sunday to sign for school the next day. Obviously he was trying to avoid be punished. It backfired royally on him needless to say.

So my question is this, what are good punishments that actually work? Is there something your parents did that made you sit up and pay attention? Is there something that has worked on your own kids?

I am just trying to get the kid to grow up right without having to kill him or tie him down, since I don't those will accomplish the main goal ;)

Well i got this great idea...

I am just trying to get the kid to grow up right without having to kill him or tie him down, since I don't those will accomplish the main goal ;)

ohh well umm...there goes my idea just take away his consoles and TV privileges for a week, tell him he should only use the force for good not evil, and tell him that hitting people is bad. then once that is all done take him to Chuck E. Cheeses.

[serenity]

I got nothin' Diane - but props for you. I have no idea how parents handle kids. I was a nightmare. My mom took away TV, movies, going out with friends, the phone, even my BOOKS and nothing she could do would control me the way she wanted. Though there are other issues as she was a very "physical" punisher and I think that made me realize that if that is the worst you got, it won't kill me. (hopefully)
One a kid realizes you only control them because they let you control them, look out.

It always surprises me that more kids don't see that but it's a good thing they don't!

Good luck.
I know a horrible punishment would be to take away TRS! That's too cruel though. :D


PS. I'm not even sure I would punish him, myself. I'm of the Captain Mal school of thought - "Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!"
Depends on the situation at the time, I suppose.

[patch]

Well, I've been involved a great deal in helping raise a few kids. I've always been told I'm "really great with kids". (Yes, even with all my problems.)

I'd say don't go the way my mum did and try to suffocate him. (yes, litteraly.)

I've always found that loss of something they enjoy seems to cause them to straighten up. But if you ever don't follow through with the punishment when you state that you will, they notice it and think they can take advantage of it from then on.

So yeah, toys taken away, games, what have you. As well as alone time in their room, or some other designated spot, where they can't play, and have to think about what they did and what not, and I've always sat down with them when I thought they had enough time, and asked them what they thought they did wrong, and how to go about it next time, without guiding them to the correct answer so they weren't just copying what I was saying. If they didn't get it, it usally meant a bit more time to think about it.

[taozoo4u]

I know a horrible punishment would be to take away TRS! That's too cruel though. :D

Diane listen to Serenity DO NOT i repeat DO NOT take away TRS that would be terrible and so incredibly horrible and unspeakable and against everything this forums stands for!

[diane]

I got nothin' Diane - but props for you. I have no idea how parents handle kids. I was a nightmare. My mom took away TV, movies, going out with friends, the phone, even my BOOKS and nothing she could do would control me the way she wanted. Though there are other issues as she was a very "physical" punisher and I think that made me realize that if that is the worst you got, it won't kill me. (hopefully)
One a kid realizes you only control them because they let you control them, look out.

It always surprises me that more kids don't see that but it's a good thing they don't!

Good luck.
I know a horrible punishment would be to take away TRS! That's too cruel though. :D

Anakin is starting to see it. Luckily, we are really close so there is a he doesn't want to disappoint me so I still carry sway. Plus, I buy the toys.

But that doesn't prevent him from doing it at school. That's what really worries me. He is a bit of a smart ass and is too smart for his own good sometimes. He has no problem correcting his teacher this year when she makes a mistake. He doesn't like her because she doesn't like him. This year has been such a roller coaster because of it.

But violence, no way, won't tolerate it. I took away his video games and Pokemon league night for a week along with whatever punishment the principal sees fit. I then told him that he has seriously impacted my trust in him because he in essence lied by not giving me the strike until this evening. He sat on my office floor and cried for 5 minutes straight. So at least I can still have some impact. Now just to figure out how to carry that to school...

[diane]

Diane listen to Serenity DO NOT i repeat DO NOT take away TRS that would be terrible and so incredibly horrible and unspeakable and against everything this forums stands for!

I know better, he would riot. Plus, I didn't take tv, legos or books away. He already doesn't have school tomorrow and might not on Tuesday, and those are more for my sanity so he doesn't go completely stir crazy.

Plus, I like cuddle time.

[eddielee]

I'm only a kid myself so I'm in no position to be giving parental advice, but I can tell you this:

Whatever you do, don't make Anakin feel like he can't turn to you for future problems. My dad was extremely strict on me, he became very violent when I messed up. Although it made me a well-behaved person, I don't feel comfortable telling him anything now. The truth is that Anakin is probably feeling really guilty himself right now, so don't be too harsh.

[comhcinc]

Okay, so my son did something both stupid and bad. A kid hit him at school and he hit him back. Not cool. I understand to a point, but still. Anakin is learning karate and busted out a move. The really bad part though is that he hands me the "Strike Sheet" at 6:30pm on Sunday to sign for school the next day. Obviously he was trying to avoid be punished. It backfired royally on him needless to say.


i am about to say some things you might not like.

if you don't want you son hitting people then you need to pull him out of his karate class. the great thing about karate and the like is that it teaches you confindents, hard work, and self respect among other great things. BUT mostly it teaches you self defense. which is exactly what your son did. it couldn't have been that big of deal cause the school sent a letter instead of calling (or arresting him).

don't teach him something and expect him not to use it.

no the problem is he felt he couldn't come to you about what happen. why is that? is because he has been given conflicting messages?


so advice based off the little information that you have provide and my understand of the way young boys think:

no punishment. make sure he understands that while it wasn't wrong to defend himself, it was wrong to hide it from you.

[gonzooo]

My mom was always really good at making me wise up to my mistakes. My dad never was.

My father yelled and presented ridiculous examples to live by when he was trying to teach me something. An example of that was when I had an argument with a teacher at school: All my father kept saying is that you are to obey authority at all times. After that he talked to my teacher on the phone and right after commented on how much of a psycho she sounded like. Luckily, I managed to sift through the shitty parenting to find the bits that actually were good.

My mom knew what mattered most: Making it known that she was disappointed in me, and what I did was wrong. I remember once, when I was about 12. Me and two friends decided we would go shoplifting. It was exciting and all, but we got caught and my father was called there to pick me up. Sure, what I got from my father had an effect, but it wasn't until I got home and my mother was crying that I felt like shit.

[diane]

so advice based off the little information that you have provide and my understand of the way young boys think:

no punishment. make sure he understands that while it wasn't wrong to defend himself, it was wrong to hide it from you.

LOL, comhcinc, I can always caught on your posts being so...lets go with blunt.

I didn't tell the whole story because the punishment suggestions were not for this specific situation, but general. I told the story to show how it came up. There was a bit more there.

As for Karate, I do see your point, but I will say that the number one rule of any martial arts is self-control. He allowed himself to be overcome with anger instead of addressing the issue in a much more rational manner. He was supposedly hit by someone but he never saw who it was, he just suspected it was this other child. There were other children around who could have done it, or, more likely, he was bumped. It was during recess.

That is actually why we are doing Karate together. I do it for fun and because I always wanted to learn. I wanted him to do it to learn self-control, strategy and balance. The self defense is just a bonus.

As for the mixed messages, no, that wasn't it at all. Anakin tells me way too much as it is for a kid. I know which kids have kissed, made out and such at school, who likes who and the on going romance between him and a very tall 10 year ballerina in the 4th grade who rides the bus with him (he has a thing for tall brunettes-just like his mom). And I won't get into the questions this child has randomly asked me. I would have never asked my parents half the stuff he has asked me. So overall, I don't think thats it.

I think it boils down to this. My kid is smart. Really smart. He knew he was going to get into trouble. We have a standing rule in the house that if you get a strike at school all electronic entertainment and Pokemon are up for possible denial as punishment. He wanted to play Rock Band this weekend. Video games and such are only available on rare occasions during the week if all school work is done. He rationalized that getting grounded during the week would be less of a punishment than loosing Rock Band all weekend. Frankly, I would have pulled the same stunt he pulled when I was his age.

[comhcinc]

i figured it was more to the story. you are pretty good at this mom thing and you really don't need any help for any of us.

here's a little advice though.

make sure Anakin also informs his karate teacher as to what he did. i'm sure the teacher will be most interested and will help see to it that it doesn't happen again.

that is the great thing about sports kids end up with a lot of extra adults around who are interested in see the child turn out the best.

[kickarse]

I don't know why many who never raised a child (perhaps not their own) for any length of time tend to have such strong opinions on parenting. Not to say that many without children don't see or aren't intelligent enough to give an opinion. Just, there's a difference when you are in the trenches so to speak.

With that said, plainly, from my young father eyes, he was short sitedly smart (wisdom isn't there yet) about not giving you the paper until the night before school. He conceived that if he were to give it to you on the last day he would have the whole weekend to play. You are completely right and that's the reason you vented here. Not so much that he hit someone else, which is bad as well, but this adds to it.

Children are interesting creatures. Sometimes when they are fairly intelligent in one area lack common sense in another. Perhaps he doesn't understand fully (mixed signals), as you do, that karate is a form of self defense for a truly bad situation.

From what I've read though it seems that you have a complete handle on the situation. My parents would take away things I cherished most to play with, my lego's. Yes, I was in their hair more, but it taught me a lesson. When I did wrong I lost what I valued. That's a life lesson, however small. I think the main thing he needed to learn besides not hitting people is that when you do something wrong it's much, much better to tell the truth right away or fess up asap. Because when you don't the consequences are stacked in even more opposition to his free will.

A punishment isn't always easy for the punisher. Sometimes the punishment makes you loose watching your own favorite program or going out. But sticking to your guns and going through with it teaches your son that when you make a decision it's final and that he is more important than anything else (which I'm sure he knows anyways).

[ariastar]

Diane, we were allowed to hit back in self-defense, but never hit first. My parents weren't going to have us be the kids who got beaten up trying to get to a teacher. If a kid hit us, there's nothing wrong with self-defense. Where your son went wrong was by lying by omission. He tried to hide a form you were to sign to avoid being in trouble. That's the issue that needs to be dealt with. Mixed signals are being sent to him by being in karate, which emphasizes both self control and self defense, yet he is not allowed to defend himself if someone else hits him.

(I just took a break to read the comments now.)

In other words, my thoughts are exactly those of Com's. Yes, martial arts emphasizes self control, but as said above, also defense.

You don't want your son to start thinking he has to hide fights he's in. He's a kid, they'll happen, but as long as he defends himself, he should never be in trouble.

In this case, rather than punish specifically for hitting the kid he thought hit him, punish him for hiding it. Then talk to his instructor about this so his instructor, if he's worth his beans, can address the issue with the whole class, but without pointing out your son. The issues raised by what happens when kids use what they've learned in the real world.

Let him know you understand why he hit the kid, and that what he did that was wrong was hide it. Ask if he felt he had other options instead. Don't make the overall punishments too hard on this one.

My parents were creative in punishments. If my brother and I fought, we had to stare at each other for half an hour. If we insulted each other, we had to draw pictures instead of talk, and that ALWAYS ended with us laughing and being friends again. I still have some of those pictures in my hope chest. My parents understood kids are kids, and so were more lenient in some ways as some things are simply experiences of life, but we NEVER got away with lying or hiding things like this.

This kid may be one who taunts your son, or there may be another issue he will open up about.

But please, PLEASE, I'm asking as the kid who bullied: Do NOT make your son feel like he can't defend himself if need be. If someone hits him, he's the victim. The one being violent is t he one who started it.

I get angry when I hear about people not wanting their kids to hit back. If my parents had said that, I wouldn't have defended myself because I didn't want to get in trouble. But, in two specific instances, I would have been dead trying to obey. Bullying ALWAYS has something more to it.

[diane]

I don't know why many who never raised a child (perhaps not their own) for any length of time tend to have such strong opinions on parenting. Not to say that many without children don't see or aren't intelligent enough to give an opinion. Just, there's a difference when you are in the trenches so to speak.

With that said, plainly, from my young father eyes, he was short sitedly smart (wisdom isn't there yet) about not giving you the paper until the night before school. He conceived that if he were to give it to you on the last day he would have the whole weekend to play. You are completely right and that's the reason you vented here. Not so much that he hit someone else, which is bad as well, but this adds to it.

Children are interesting creatures. Sometimes when they are fairly intelligent in one area lack common sense in another. Perhaps he doesn't understand fully (mixed signals), as you do, that karate is a form of self defense for a truly bad situation.

From what I've read though it seems that you have a complete handle on the situation. My parents would take away things I cherished most to play with, my lego's. Yes, I was in their hair more, but it taught me a lesson. When I did wrong I lost what I valued. That's a life lesson, however small. I think the main thing he needed to learn besides not hitting people is that when you do something wrong it's much, much better to tell the truth right away or fess up asap. Because when you don't the consequences are stacked in even more opposition to his free will.

A punishment isn't always easy for the punisher. Sometimes the punishment makes you loose watching your own favorite program or going out. But sticking to your guns and going through with it teaches your son that when you make a decision it's final and that he is more important than anything else (which I'm sure he knows anyways).

Hear Hear! I told him that if he had told me on Friday, he would have lost the video games for the weekend. But since he waited, he not only lost Pokemon league night for the school incident but also video games for the week. He also lost my ability to trust that he will be honest with me. He has already asked me how he can earn back the video games? I looked at him funny and he said, what if I clean around the house and start working on the school project that isn't due until March? These are both things I have talked to him about needing to do. I said we would talk about it tomorrow. He's getting there.

[kickarse]

But please, PLEASE, I'm asking as the kid who bullied: Do NOT make your son feel like he can't defend himself if need be. If someone hits him, he's the victim. The one being violent is t he one who started it.

I get angry when I hear about people not wanting their kids to hit back. If my parents had said that, I wouldn't have defended myself because I didn't want to get in trouble. But, in two specific instances, I would have been dead trying to obey. Bullying ALWAYS has something more to it.

He's 9 not 15. And from what she stated it didn't seem as though it was something that warranted a fight. There's a HUGE difference between a confrontational full out brawl and a kid jabbing another kid in the arm at 9 years old.

If someones starting a fight with you, the FIRST thing you do is walk away. The LAST resort is fighting back. If he jumps you what else can you do but try and fight them off AND RUN AWAY. Get the police or an adult. Don't be a hero and debilitate/mame the other kid(s). You'll regret it in the aftermath.

[comhcinc]

He's 9 not 15. And from what she stated it didn't seem as though it was something that warranted a fight. There's a HUGE difference between a confrontational full out brawl and a kid jabbing another kid in the arm at 9 years old.
i agree with this. after diane went in to more detail, yeah he should have let it slide. that's why his karate teacher should be told about what happen. the teacher should be able to help the kid get a better understand of just what is okay when( probaly by doing lots of push-up)

If someones starting a fight with you, the FIRST thing you do is walk away. The LAST resort is fighting back. If he jumps you what else can you do but try and fight them off AND RUN AWAY. Get the police or an adult. Don't be a hero and debilitate/mame the other kid(s). You'll regret it in the aftermath.

i disagree with this. sometimes the best option is to fight. schools have pecking orders and often times one fight will be enough to avoid many other down the road. the hard part is know when the right time is.

[diane]

But please, PLEASE, I'm asking as the kid who bullied: Do NOT make your son feel like he can't defend himself if need be. If someone hits him, he's the victim. The one being violent is t he one who started it.

I get angry when I hear about people not wanting their kids to hit back. If my parents had said that, I wouldn't have defended myself because I didn't want to get in trouble. But, in two specific instances, I would have been dead trying to obey. Bullying ALWAYS has something more to it.

I understand where you are coming from but he is not being bullied. I can say that with complete confidence. The situation was that a) he was hit in the back and wasn't sure who even hit him b) he was in a pack of kids, so there were a about 4 or 5 others right there too. c)they were playing a bizarre cross between catch and tag and he had the ball.

I volunteer at Anakin's school every Wednesday during lunch and recess. Also, I am pretty good friends with several of the parents and oddly enough, a bunch of the kids at the school.
Heck, I walk in the door at the school and kids are stopping me to tell me how Anakin's day went, along with various tricks they can do, its actually quite funny.

As for the never hit, well, I disagree. If this was JR High, and it was a school with like 500 kids, well then yes. But the school Anakin attends covers K-8 and has about 125 kids in it. The only time they are unattended is when they go to the bathroom during class and that is next to the office. Anakin needs to learn how to seek help when it is appropriate such as this. Also, Anakin needs to learn that there are times when you just let it go. Life isn't fair, there are times when you get bumped. You just need to shake it off.

Now, that said, I am a bit of a Polar Bear when it comes to my baby. One July 4th when Anakin was going on 2, we were in downtown Indy, walking back to the car after the fireworks display. There were some goth kids in front of us playing with small time firecrackers. At first I didn't think twice about it. Then the girl just absently tossed her firework over her shoulder and didn't even look. It landed right in front of Anakin's stroller. I didn't even blink. I started to chase them down, still pushing the stroller mind you, screaming at the top of my lungs about responsibility and that she could have hurt my baby. There were some curse words in there too. I chased them for three blocks. I am sure it had to be a hysterical sight. A mom in khaki shorts and a old navy July 4 t-shirt, diaper bag on one arm, purse on the other, and in 2.5" heeled sandals, pushing a stroller with a kid in khaki shorts and an old navy July 4 t-shirt screaming obscenities chasing after a bunch of kids dressed all in black. I stopped after 3 blocks because Anakin had pooed in all the excitement and had started to cry.

There are times for ass kicking.

[diane]

i agree with this. after diane went in to more detail, yeah he should have let it slide. that's why his karate teacher should be told about what happen. the teacher should be able to help the kid get a better understand of just what is okay when( probaly by doing lots of push-up)



i disagree with this. sometimes the best option is to fight. schools have pecking orders and often times one fight will be enough to avoid many other down the road. the hard part is know when the right time is.

Yes, I will tell the karate teacher. He is in contact with his therapist (started because of the divorce-I wanted him to have a neutral 3rd party he could talk to) and the principal. I wanted all the adults in his life who help to guide him (especially the male ones) to have contact with each other and to have any information that needs to be exchanged flow freely. This way everyone is on the same page.

Now as for the fighting, sorry, can't buy it. First, he's 9 years old at a geek school. This school is filled with nerds. Yes, there is some pecking order kinda, but it is a really loose one that floats. There are some cool kids, but even that is kinda cheesy.
I have plenty of male relatives who have never fought threw school. My brother is one of them. My family is rather athletic and is kinda muscular so it isn't that they couldn't win a fight. Hell, my brother boxes (is that how you spell it?). But for most of them they are really religious and that isn't what you do. My brother just never had an issue that warranted it.
If a kid is in a good school, the teachers and principal should handle it. If it is a bad school, then what is there to prevent retaliation? Guns and knives in school are becoming more common.

Anakin knows, if there is a bullying problem, come to me, and I will handle it. There was one two years ago. Several parents and I worked together to address the issue. The student is no longer there and we have a new principal who is not lax on discipline.

There is a time to fight, but more importantly, there is a time to get help, especially from your mommy.

[comhcinc]

Yes, I will tell the karate teacher. He is in contact with his therapist (started because of the divorce-I wanted him to have a neutral 3rd party he could talk to) and the principal. I wanted all the adults in his life who help to guide him (especially the male ones) to have contact with each other and to have any information that needs to be exchanged flow freely. This way everyone is on the same page. i'm glad to hear that. it'll help him deal with everything. when my parents broke up i might have been lost with out the sports i was in

Now as for the fighting, sorry, can't buy it. First, he's 9 years old at a geek school. This school is filled with nerds. Yes, there is some pecking order kinda, but it is a really loose one that floats. There are some cool kids, but even that is kinda cheesy.
I have plenty of male relatives who have never fought threw school. My brother is one of them. My family is rather athletic and is kinda muscular so it isn't that they couldn't win a fight. Hell, my brother boxes (is that how you spell it?). But for most of them they are really religious and that isn't what you do. My brother just never had an issue that warranted it.
If a kid is in a good school, the teachers and principal should handle it. If it is a bad school, then what is there to prevent retaliation?
i'm not saying there will ever be a right time to fight, but there might. let me tell you a tale.

when i was in the 5th grade i moved to a new school in a new town in a new state. i was a poor kid with a bad haircut and even worst speech impediment. the school i moved to was a nice school, but being in a small southern town, was a bit clichish. needless to say i made zero friends the first couple of months there.
one day, during recess, i became the butt of taunts and jokes, as was often the case. every time before i had just walked away and played by myself. that day i had really just had enough and stood up to my tormentors. one thing led to another and i ended up being slap right across this ol' ugly mug o'mine. so i jumped the kid and beat his ass, by 5th grade standards anyway, until i was pulled off of him and sent to the office. well while i was at the office many of the kids who had never spoke to me went to the teacher and explain how i wasn't at fault. she then went to the office and i ended up getting an apology! from that day forward i had friends(many who are still close today) and pretty much didn't have any more problems with fights all through school.

my point of that long winded ill written diatab is that if i won't had fought that day, then i would never had been accept at that school and would have been a lonely little boy and i would have ended up ever more anti-socal than i am now.

but i like i said, the hard part in know when to fight.


Guns and knives in school are becoming more common.
i know it seems that way, but not really. two things leads to this misconpection 1: kids are reporting it more(good) 2: national media is reporting it more (bad)
i'm of the opinion that if kids were allow to settle things among themselves more often then it would be less of this.

[darthender]

A Haymaker is the proper punishment for everything.

[wideawakewesley]

Diane,

It sounds like you're doing a good job with Anakin, certainly removing privileges and rewarding great (not good) behavior is the way to go I think. Perhaps you could have a word with his Karate coach and get him to have a private word reinforcing why he shouldn't bust out his moves whenever he pleases.

Wes

[iggystar]

My brother would never tell about his exclusions until Monday morning. Why ruin perfectly good weekend being grounded?

You've got a handle on things. Taking away the fun things and talking to your child is what works best. Be consistent.

Boys are a different to handle than girls, but from my brother's example I learned they get into these things from time to time. He was the class clown, got into a few scuffles, but with diligent attention and discipline he turned out to be great. Sorry a self-defensive move is not as serious to me. Boys, whether they know karate or not, will always feel the need to stand their ground.

[satori]

I took Judo for 7 years and it is almost entirely defensive. It's very difficult to do anything in any way that is not a reaction to someone else's use of force. I'll be taking my son to Judo classes.

[beautiful-nightmare]

I think you're doing a good job aswell :)

My friends mum used to take just the controllers away when they missed behaved, easier to hide/take away, and then the system is still there to taunt them :p I always thought it was funny, haha.

[diane]

I think you're doing a good job aswell :)

My friends mum used to take just the controllers away when they missed behaved, easier to hide/take away, and then the system is still there to taunt them :p I always thought it was funny, haha.

That is good. Torture them, hehehe.

[heyseuss]

That is good. Torture them, hehehe.

Who are you punshing again, Anakin or a manfriend ? :p

[diane]

Who are you punshing again, Anakin or a manfriend ? :p

Manfriend, I wish...

[taozoo4u]

Manfriend, I wish...

bow chicka bow wow

[heyseuss]

bow chicka bow wow

Does your mother know you talk like that ?

[taozoo4u]

Does your mother know you talk like that ?

does your mother know i talk like that?

[diane]

Boys behave. This is a thread about punishing bad behavior ;)

[heyseuss]

Manfriend, I wish...

We'll take care of that in a few months when it's more convenient for you, I know this single cat named Cannata who has a way with the womens, you might like him.

[taozoo4u]

Boys behave. This is a thread about punishing bad behavior ;)

he started it :(

[serenity]

Boys behave. This is a thread about punishing bad behavior ;)

Oh god, now they are going to suggest ways you could "punish" them, Diane. Smooth move! :P

Spanking perhaps?

EDIT: Crap, I guess I meant I would suggest ways you could punish them, lol.

[heyseuss]

does your mother know i talk like that?

Aren't you like 15 ?? My mom would be in her mid to late 70's if I knew her

[taozoo4u]

Oh god, now they are going to suggest ways you could "punish" them, Diane. Smooth move! :P

Spanking perhaps?

again

bow chicka bow wow!

[heyseuss]

Boys behave. This is a thread about punishing bad behavior ;)

Sometimes punishing bad behaviour looks like rewarding good behaviour.

[taozoo4u]

Aren't you like 15 ?? My mom would be in her mid to late 70's if I knew her

no

im 16 FYI!

im sorry lets be friends!:D

[satori]

Manfriend

Wasn't that an NBC show in the early 80s?

[diane]

Oh god, now they are going to suggest ways you could "punish" them, Diane. Smooth move! :P

Spanking perhaps?

EDIT: Crap, I guess I meant I would suggest ways you could punish them, lol.

LOL. As long as they don't start posting pics of paddles and handcuffs they want to have used on them, I think it won't be too bad.

[heyseuss]

Oh god, now they are going to suggest ways you could "punish" them, Diane. Smooth move! :P

Spanking perhaps?

EDIT: Crap, I guess I meant I would suggest ways you could punish them, lol.

Yep, it was in your mind first, so was the method. I bet you know a few other ways too. Glad to know your mind is full of ways to hurt me. And now you're getting diane to help you ?!?!? Well bring it on, I'll take ya both on at the same time.

[diane]

Wasn't that an NBC show in the early 80s?

It does sound like one, doesn't it. I mean, the 80s did produce my two dads.

Granted it could be about a guy friend who is gay ala Will and Grace. But realistically it sounds like a good friend with privileges kinda thing.

[kickarse]

Wow this thread has certainly been turned on its side.

[taozoo4u]

Wow this thread has certainly been turned on its side.

bow chicka bow wow!

[darksyns]

My folks just whipped my ass with the belt. That straightened me up really quick. They didn't over use it either. I think I was whipped maybe 10 times from the age of 5-12. A lot of people seem to think that if your parents whip you that makes your child afraid of the parents. I never saw it that way though. I was afraid of the belt and I've never been afraid of my parents. I'm not saying thats what you should do but thats what my parents did to me and I'll probably do it to my kids as well.

[iggystar]

Hmm, I'm not against corporal punishment, per se. I mean I would slap Mini's hand if she was about to do something when she was younger, which got her to understand not to put a fork in the socket, but I think that children in general are so intelligent that there are other methods that can and should be used.

Mini has a healthy parental fear of me (remember, I can give her "the look"), more based on respect and not wanting to disappoint me. She opens up to me, but she knows I'm not her "friend" like her girls on the playground.

She needs reasoning, grounding works...no spanking necessary for her. However, let's see what happens as the teenage years come about.

[kickarse]

My folks just whipped my ass with the belt. That straightened me up really quick. They didn't over use it either. I think I was whipped maybe 10 times from the age of 5-12. A lot of people seem to think that if your parents whip you that makes your child afraid of the parents. I never saw it that way though. I was afraid of the belt and I've never been afraid of my parents. I'm not saying thats what you should do but thats what my parents did to me and I'll probably do it to my kids as well.

I got the belt as well. But only on the worst punishments. I agree though I never viewed them as the bad ones and were afraid of them. It was like "oh crap I did something wrong I'm going to get punished" not "oh sh*t I'm going to get abused". My parents never spanked me out of rage. Sure they were upset I did something, and rightly so, but were NEVER enraged with anger when they punished me.

There are other ways to punish. Each child is different. Each one needs a different punishment and it's figuring out what works with your child that's the hard part. I was a learn the hardway kid and now as an adult a more sit and watch individual. My brother was a sit back and watch as a child and is now a learn the hardway adult. So it can change too. What you want though is your child to learn to respect what you say and do what you ask before they get into that stage in life where they want their independence, a tween or teen. Because if you haven't gotten them yet to respect you it's all over.

[iggystar]

Well put, kickarse.

[kowgod]

For a while, my mom used to take away my computer's power cord. I still did drugs and cut class.

Go figure.