Um, can I post this here? Our IVF Wishing Well

[AriaStar]

Our IVF Wishing Well (http://ariaandcody.ourwishingwell.com/)

Okay, so we're sucking it up and set up a fund for IVF. Cody's got a lot more hope than I do. I'm reaching the point of feeling hopeless, but he's got faith in spades, so I'm clinging to that. Anyway, someone else here originally suggested it, so we talked about it, and decided it couldn't hurt to try. Thanks.

[esophagus]

As a student I can't afford a lot, but I know every penny helps, so I donated anyways. Good luck!

[techliveadmin]

Aria, can you say how well the donations have been thus far?

[esophagus]

The website takes up to 1 business day to process payments. She may not know until Monday, or at least tomorrow.

[techliveadmin]

O ok cuz I was looking at how much was donated to the IVF on the site and it was like 0.00 so I thought U didnt give lol

my bad...

[esophagus]

Oh. Who knows why it's of any importance to you, but I only donated $20.00.

[techliveadmin]

'only'....ur a student. thats alot. It's going towards a baby, thats alot man.

[popltree2]

Much appreciated, eso. It really does mean a lot to Aria and I. Either Aria or myself will try and post regular updates as to how we are coming along.

[esophagus]

If you don't mind my asking, how much do you guys need until it becomes reasonable for you to do it? Like, how much until you decide to just fill in the gaps yourself? Or do you need all of it? If you don't want to say, thats fine. Not really my business.

[scoobydiesel]

Kinda rude of me to ask but how long will this be up?

I'm in the process of everything going ot my comic con trip this summer, i might be able to get extra in a month or so(also by then i should know if two friends are going to save me some money also)

If its still up by then i will no doubt help my fellow rev3 family :)

[skyz]

Our IVF Wishing Well (http://ariaandcody.ourwishingwell.com/)

Okay, so we're sucking it up and set up a fund for IVF. Cody's got a lot more hope than I do. I'm reaching the point of feeling hopeless, but he's got faith in spades, so I'm clinging to that. Anyway, someone else here originally suggested it, so we talked about it, and decided it couldn't hurt to try. Thanks.

it is your special and unique bridal registry :)

in the meantime try to relax and get super healthy and maybe nature can still take its course even with the myriad roadblocks you express

either way it can only help ;)

[AriaStar]

If you don't mind my asking, how much do you guys need until it becomes reasonable for you to do it? Like, how much until you decide to just fill in the gaps yourself? Or do you need all of it? If you don't want to say, thats fine. Not really my business.

EDIT: LOL Just realized I posted this under Aria's account. Whoops!
-Cody

[popltree2]

If you don't mind my asking, how much do you guys need until it becomes reasonable for you to do it? Like, how much until you decide to just fill in the gaps yourself? Or do you need all of it? If you don't want to say, thats fine. Not really my business.

No problem. The process costs approx $12k. Obviously we aren't expecting to raise anywhere near that much money. With any luck, I will be able to get health benefits that will cover 50% of the cost. So, it is still kind of up in the air as to how much we need to raise.

[popltree2]

Kinda rude of me to ask but how long will this be up?

I'm in the process of everything going ot my comic con trip this summer, i might be able to get extra in a month or so(also by then i should know if two friends are going to save me some money also)

If its still up by then i will no doubt help my fellow rev3 family :)

Thanks, Scooby. The wishing well will be up for quite a while I would imagine. We haven't set a time limit on it yet.

[AriaStar]

As a student I can't afford a lot, but I know every penny helps, so I donated anyways. Good luck!

I haven't been on since yesterday, so just saw. Thank you so much!! We very much appreciate it. So many take for granted the ease with which they conceive while there are those who'd give anything for the chance. We look so forward to the day that we can share with everyone news of a baby on the way. :)

[AriaStar]

'only'....ur a student. thats alot. It's going towards a baby, thats alot man.

Absolutely, and it all adds up. :)

When I hear people talk about how the internet isn't "real people," I want to point them here. This place really goes against a lot of the beliefs that no one online cares, and it's a nice reprieve from a lot of the meanness we see so often online.

[xibalba]

Have ya been able to tell how much ya got so far or it still not updated?

[AriaStar]

If you don't mind my asking, how much do you guys need until it becomes reasonable for you to do it? Like, how much until you decide to just fill in the gaps yourself? Or do you need all of it? If you don't want to say, thats fine. Not really my business.

We'll be adding to it every single penny we can. As the puppies find new homes, all that money is going toward this. We'll be listing things on eBay we don't need/use (I have a ton of clothing I am way too small for, for instance). If we couldn't contribute anything at all on a monthly basis, where would the money come from for diapers? Babies blow through those things, and they're not cheap!

If/when Apple promotes Cody to full time (yes, that's a promotion), he'll qualify for benefits. The first day of full-time status at Apple is the day you qualify for benefits (which is why full time is a promotion). If we can get me on that, then that would be amazing. Apple covers half, up to a total of $15k, for fertility. So if that happens before we have the full $12,600, then we'd only need $6,100, which sounds a lot better.

One of the puppies went to his new home yesterday. So we've added $700. I'm trying to see if that site has a way to reflect contributions that aren't made through the site or if the amount needed will just have to be lowered.

[AriaStar]

Kinda rude of me to ask but how long will this be up?

I'm in the process of everything going ot my comic con trip this summer, i might be able to get extra in a month or so(also by then i should know if two friends are going to save me some money also)

If its still up by then i will no doubt help my fellow rev3 family :)

No, not rude at all. I'll leave it up until we have enough to actually start. There are still other expenses involved aside from the $12,600 there. That's the fee for the actual process of IVF. Tomorrow morning we have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist that will be $266. Expenses like that aren't reflected in the amount.

As I said in a reply a few up, when people talk about no one online caring or how online friends aren't "real" and aren't able to be any sort of family, I want to point them here. Sure, we get into fights, but at the end of the day, it's a great group of people who care about each other.

The folks at Rev3 should be more proud of this than anything else. At the townhall meeting next Tuesday I plan to tell Jay and Kevin that.

[AriaStar]

Have ya been able to tell how much ya got so far or it still not updated?

It takes about a day to update. :)

[AriaStar]

it is your special and unique bridal registry :)

in the meantime try to relax and get super healthy and maybe nature can still take its course even with the myriad roadblocks you express

either way it can only help ;)

I hadn't thought of that, but you're right. :) When Cody and I got into this relationship, we'd both already set up house. We moved in together with two of everything! Any sort of registry we'd otherwise put together would only be because it was expected, but there's nothing (aside from a KitchenAide tabletop mixer!) that we could possibly need.

But the best gift would be a baby!

[AriaStar]

We have an appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist at 9am. Please send positive thoughts, prayers, etc.. Thanks.

[AriaStar]

Someone made an anonymous donation, and we don't know who, but if that person is here, thank you so much! We were floored to wake up to that this morning, and are so grateful!


In other news, if anyone's reading this and wants to know how our appointment went this morning, well, I'll have to have surgery first. Yikes! Details if anyone's reading and wants to know, then we'll type it all out.

[xibalba]

I gave 5 bucks when ya first posted but that is very little, all I could. If I had more I would have given more. It says it won't go through until the 23rd even though I payed it 3 days ago.

[techliveadmin]

I want details!

[ericjosepi]

Someone made an anonymous donation, and we don't know who, but if that person is here, thank you so much! We were floored to wake up to that this morning, and are so grateful!

I don't care about the amount, I'm just pleased to know that there are people out there who have both the means and the generosity to help you out.

Once the summer kicks in and I have a paycheque again I'll throw a little something in the pot. But for now, I'm holding out to make sure that I can grab wings with my friends when I move home ;)

I want details!

Agreed!

[AriaStar]

I gave 5 bucks when ya first posted but that is very little, all I could. If I had more I would have given more. It says it won't go through until the 23rd even though I payed it 3 days ago.

Danny, it all adds up. Thank you. :)

What floors us more than anything is the willingness people here have to help. We're going to the town hall meeting tomorrow and I'm going to tell Jay and Kevin that they should be more proud of the quality of their fans than anything else!

[AriaStar]

Let's see, where to start. A lot of info and instructions to digest. In addition to needing to go back on the pill to regulate things more so that tests can be scheduled in advance and all that stuff, I'll also have to have surgery to close my tubes further down, closer to my uterus, as the estrogen increase with the shots Cody will have to give me can cause an increase in fluid and they definitely don't want that to wash away an embryo, and they want more assurance than the blockage I already have, which is also higher up. That needs to be done at least three months beforehand.

I'll also have to have a water ultrasound to determine the extent of any septum. Despite one contrast ultrasound resulting in a diagnosis of a bicornuate uterus (http://www.webmm.ahrq.gov/media/cases/images/case18_fig1.jpg) (goes to an image - a normal uterus image is here (http://www.uterus1.com/images/anatomy_uterus.jpg)), during my last surgery, when an ovary was removed, the doctor noted that the outside otherwise looked fine. So I'll have to have another ultrasound to determine what we're dealing with now.

Cody has to have a semen analysis, which is routine. That means no getting off in any way for three days. That's like telling a guy not to breathe for a few days! And then it'll be into a cup. Poor guy. Well, not really. Diagnosis for a guy involves an orgasm. For a girl, it means having probes jammed into you after drinking half a gallon of water and having to hold it for a couple hours. Though no sex for three days sucks for me too because it's a very comforting thing for me.

Due to medical time lines, the soonest we would be able to do this would be in the fall, if we have all the money together. If Cody gets insurance through Apple, which would happen the first day of full-time (meaning that full-time hours is considered to be a promotion you are eligible for at three months), then we'd only have to come up with $6,300 rather than $12,600. But because we don't have that yet, we are operating on the assumption that insurance will take a lot longer.

Overall it's overwhelming. We are very young to be going through this. The doctor was surprised at my age, and could do even less to hide her surprise at Cody's younger age.

There will be one surgery, ultrasounds (in addition to the water, several others), Cody having to give me shots at home, retrieval, implantation... Needless to say, VERY overwhelming. Normally I am not confused or dizzy at medical stuff having been through so much (usually the doctors are the ones overwhelmed by my history!), but this time, with so much at stake, I'm more scared than I want to admit. I'm so blessed to have a man by me dedicated to going through this. As hopeless as I've felt, he's the one who won't let me quit when I want to give up because I don't know where that much money will come from. He knows how important this is to both of us, and he'll hold me up and get us through.

No matter what happens, I am insanely lucky to have Cody.

[Kronos6948]

My thoughts are with you and Cody. I wish you two the best of luck, and I hope all comes out well. You two have a long road to hoe ahead of you. You're both very lucky to have eachother.

[tokenuser]

Be careful relying upon Cody's medical ... yes, it sounds like a great plan, but you are not married, and have not been together long enough to even be considered for a defacto relationship or domestic partner ... but for his medical to include you , I suspect that it will need to happen after Pi '09.

In the meantime, you should help Cody study for his test.

[AriaStar]

Be careful relying upon Cody's medical ... yes, it sounds like a great plan, but you are not married, and have not been together long enough to even be considered for a defacto relationship or domestic partner ... but for his medical to include you , I suspect that it will need to happen after Pi '09.

In the meantime, you should help Cody study for his test.

Domestic partners are covered, which looks like it's six months of living together and supporting each other for opposite gender. We aren't relying on it though until we've got it.

[rabidbadger]

this is one amazing thread, gonna contribute as soon as I deal with my car purchase. *cyberhugs*

[AriaStar]

My thoughts are with you and Cody. I wish you two the best of luck, and I hope all comes out well. You two have a long road to hoe ahead of you. You're both very lucky to have eachother.

Thanks. I actually agree. Cody and I just click in a way that makes me wonder how the hell we didn't end up together sooner, despite the fact that he was married when we met (she's a dear friend to both of us now and happy for us, which means a lot to us).

[AriaStar]

this is one amazing thread, gonna contribute as soon as I deal with my car purchase. *cyberhugs*

If we have a son with blond hair or straight black, he'll carry your name for one of his middle names. :) Kevin Joel Alexander. Bald or spiky black will be Logan Xavier.

[popltree2]

Be careful relying upon Cody's medical ... yes, it sounds like a great plan, but you are not married, and have not been together long enough to even be considered for a defacto relationship or domestic partner ... but for his medical to include you , I suspect that it will need to happen after Pi '09.

In the meantime, you should help Cody study for his test.

Unfortunately a test has very little to do with getting into a position where insurance is offered.

[AriaStar]

I have spent years being angry over blocked tubes that the thought of blocking them more, regardless of reason, is hard. So I'm having a bit of trouble there. Will do it, but need to mentally process it first.

[AriaStar]

Danny:

BEAR HUGS!

[skyz]

I have spent years being angry over blocked tubes that the thought of blocking them more, regardless of reason, is hard. So I'm having a bit of trouble there. Will do it, but need to mentally process it first.

anger is a second had emotion

it is a cover for a hurt or a fear

anger is the worst poison

the way to release your hurt or your fear is to allow yourself to feel the hurt or the fear without resisting then it will diminish and even eventually be eradicated

the flowering of new life is a very tender gentle thing

anger is working against all your desires and efforts

there are few people who cannot if they wish have good reason to be angry but it is only destructive

there are women who do not have your problem but their husband may have been killed in this senseless war

or they may have abandoned their family for someone else or for drugs or alcohol

if you can conquer your anger you will be happy no matter what happens

[ericjosepi]

^^^ this is why I stay around and love all o' y'all most of the time...

Can we get Skyz a custom title? Like Rev3 Forum Zen Consultant? ;) Seriously that post ruled and made my day.

[xibalba]

^^^ this is why I stay around and love all o' y'all most of the time...

Can we get Skyz a custom title? Like Rev3 Forum Zen Consultant? ;) Seriously that post ruled and made my day.

Yea. I 2nd the custom title. :cool:

She's an awesome person.

[BanzaiBk]

Sorry to hear about the lengths you have to go through, especially when it's clear that you'd love to be parents. Hopefully after my move to the states I'll be able to drop some cash into your registry.

[AriaStar]

A renewed sense of hopelessness after finding out the tubal procedure will run between $3,000 and $10,000 out of pocket. We're trying to find another way to get it done other than at Kaiser. I'm going to call the doctor later today and discuss how necessary it will be, how much it will increase the odds of success when my tubes are already blocked further up.

Needless to say I've spent a lot of the past two days crying from frustration and right now have an aversion to sex because normal people can have babies that way whereas for us it's nothing more than a reminder right now of how hard it's going to be. There are other ways to be intimate.

[skyz]

A renewed sense of hopelessness after finding out the tubal procedure will run between $3,000 and $10,000 out of pocket. We're trying to find another way to get it done other than at Kaiser. I'm going to call the doctor later today and discuss how necessary it will be, how much it will increase the odds of success when my tubes are already blocked further up.

Needless to say I've spent a lot of the past two days crying from frustration and right now have an aversion to sex because normal people can have babies that way whereas for us it's nothing more than a reminder right now of how hard it's going to be. There are other ways to be intimate.

the money is available i think though your fashion biz

you just need to figure out how to market to the right people

if you offer a gown as a one and only you can charge BIG money

think about who wears that type of thing and for what type of events and how to get them to be aware of you

there are people bored with couture who would find a unique gown for ten grand (over cost) a bargain

[rabidbadger]

aria, babe, listen to Skyz, less time whining on rev3. More time sewing and marketing... and your talented man has ways of making a few bucks, too. Smart talented couple. as my Mom says, "multiple streams of income"

[AriaStar]

We are trying. Remember we are on a time limit. It takes quite a while to get to the point of charging $10,000. I am working toward that though.

[skyz]

We are trying. Remember we are on a time limit. It takes quite a while to get to the point of charging $10,000. I am working toward that though.

i used to go the nyc ballet galas looking like a million dollars and i was 'competing' with women who had million dollar clothes budgets

if i were you i would design for myself and try to go to such events as gallery openings museum exhibition openings ballet opera etc and have your cards ready

have a book of sketches so you don't need to actually make that many items till they are ordered

offer the exclusive option for the big $

yves st laurent only sketched he did not do the sewing

watch this documentary and learn from the master

the clothes are 'to die for'

yves st laurent (http://www.netflix.com/WatchNowMovie/Yves_St._Laurent_His_Life_and_Times/60034519?trkid=222917&lnkctr=srchrd-sr&strkid=1255557846_0_0)

my grandmother did it - her husband had a good job but it was my grandmother that made a life of luxury a reality - for her her childran and their children

[Ryudo]

Money is tight on my end right now and I know it's not much but I sent some your way.

[AriaStar]

Money is tight on my end right now and I know it's not much but I sent some your way.

Are you Adam? I am trying to figure out who that is. Either way, whether or not you are, thanks. :)

Tons and tons of hugs to people! I think the support we are receiving from people is keeping me going more than anything else. It's so freaking hard emotionally that this helps tremendously.

[AriaStar]

i used to go the nyc ballet galas looking like a million dollars and i was 'competing' with women who had million dollar clothes budgets

if i were you i would design for myself and try to go to such events as gallery openings museum exhibition openings ballet opera etc and have your cards ready

have a book of sketches so you don't need to actually make that many items till they are ordered

offer the exclusive option for the big $

yves st laurent only sketched he did not do the sewing

watch this documentary and learn from the master

the clothes are 'to die for'

yves st laurent (http://www.netflix.com/WatchNowMovie/Yves_St._Laurent_His_Life_and_Times/60034519?trkid=222917&lnkctr=srchrd-sr&strkid=1255557846_0_0)

my grandmother did it - her husband had a good job but it was my grandmother that made a life of luxury a reality - for her her childran and their children



If only galas weren't several hundred dollars to attend. I'd LOVE to get to go to them, and would love to get to wear things I designed. We are very hesitant to spend any money we don't see as absolutely necessary. Come thus summer I plan to design and sew most of my own clothes. When possible, I will give an arm to go to one of those big events.

[Ryudo]

Are you Adam? I am trying to figure out who that is. Either way, whether or not you are, thanks. :)

Tons and tons of hugs to people! I think the support we are receiving from people is keeping me going more than anything else. It's so freaking hard emotionally that this helps tremendously.

Yip Yip.
:)

[skyz]

If only galas weren't several hundred dollars to attend. I'd LOVE to get to go to them, and would love to get to wear things I designed. We are very hesitant to spend any money we don't see as absolutely necessary. Come thus summer I plan to design and sew most of my own clothes. When possible, I will give an arm to go to one of those big events.

there may be a way :)

maybe you can call up the offices and see if you can barter some of your tech skills in exchange for opening night/gala events

these artistic institutions are often running the administrative side tight to pour all their funds into art

so you might be able to do something for them that they might like to have but cannot afford

call them and ask who would be the right person to contact and get their email

ask them what they might need

in school i got a grant for doing the pr for the music department's performances i could do it any way i wanted they asked m e to and offered me the grant

it was sooooooooo easy used to work for a pr firm so i knew what to do it was very simple and not time intensive anything but ;)

they were amazed that i could get them on the one classical music stations and i get miami herald press out and they took pictures and wrote articles


it also helped ensure my fine arts grant

not only did i have a full tuition/books merit scholarship i got paid to go to school

i am a natural entrepreneur

it is simple: give people more than they think they can have and ask for what you want

i am thinking of becoming a free lance consultant :)

you can be my first client :D

i will give you my advice and share information

and you will sew some things for me

what do you think ?

[ericjosepi]

I think you still deserve a Custom title of Rev3 Zen Master ;)

[rabidbadger]

not derailing but I like eric's idea. when you hit 5grand posts, you should decide on your own title. and when you hit ten you can either be pregernated, or stick with your own title.

[skyz]

I think you still deserve a Custom title of Rev3 Zen Master ;)

i'm not a zen master :D

i am a buddhist dakini :cool:

[tokenuser]

i'm not a zen master :D

i am a buddhist dakini :cool:I like chicken makhani (http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chicken-Makhani-Indian-Butter-Chicken/Detail.aspx).

[rabidbadger]

damn, now I am jonesing for indian food. haven't had it in two years. maybe more. my ex wasn't a fan, and I never went looking for it on my own. and never cooked it at home.

[tokenuser]

damn, now I am jonesing for indian food. haven't had it in two years. maybe more. my ex wasn't a fan, and I never went looking for it on my own. and never cooked it at home.Cheat ... get a bottle of Sharwoods simmerng sauces (asian section of large supermarket), brown some chick, dice some tomato, throw in some peas, add sauce, simmer. Meanwhile bring 1C of chciken stock and 1/2-3/4C coconut milk to boil, add in a large cup of jasmine, reduce to simmer, cover tightly for 20 min. DONT TOUCH IT. At end of 20 min, take off lids, fluff rice with fork, dump rice on plate, add chicken you had simmering ontop of rice.

Yum. Not entirely authentic, but fast to do by yourself - and leftovers are good for next day.

[rabidbadger]

sounds awesome gonna try it this weekend.

[AriaStar]

there may be a way :)

maybe you can call up the offices and see if you can barter some of your tech skills in exchange for opening night/gala events

these artistic institutions are often running the administrative side tight to pour all their funds into art

so you might be able to do something for them that they might like to have but cannot afford

call them and ask who would be the right person to contact and get their email

ask them what they might need

Good idea. Ballet season is just ending, which blows.

i am thinking of becoming a free lance consultant :)

you can be my first client :D

i will give you my advice and share information

and you will sew some things for me

what do you think ?



As long as you'll take pretty pics I can use on my site and hand out business cards to interested parties. And then I'll plug your services on my site as well. :)

[AriaStar]

Another anonymous donor. I feel bad not being able to offer personal thank yous, so I hope Anonymous is here and sees this so I can say thanks!

[skyz]

Good idea. Ballet season is just ending, which blows.

no no no it is good the administrative offices will still be open but less busy so you can find your innovative opening materialize it and set yourself up for next season's galas - they will probably be so appreciative you can count on being invited every season - you will be in with them

don't they have the getty museum out where you are art people have the most money or let me put it this way once people are rich they always go for the arts - they want to be refined not just boorish rich

As long as you'll take pretty pics I can use on my site and hand out business cards to interested parties. And then I'll plug your services on my site as well. :)

this can work :) i have this skirt i got at urban outfitters (it was cheap) and it is old but it has such beautiful lines i saved it because it could be duplicated in various fabrics for casual day into elegant evening

[Angie1313]

I want to wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you. I plan on making a small donation but I need to wait for my next paycheck. I hope that is ok?

[AriaStar]

I want to wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you. I plan on making a small donation but I need to wait for my next paycheck. I hope that is ok?

Since donations are not expected to begin with, whatever you choose and whenever you can is just fine. Thank you. :)

[AriaStar]

this can work :) i have this skirt i got at urban outfitters (it was cheap) and it is old but it has such beautiful lines i saved it because it could be duplicated in various fabrics for casual day into elegant evening

I would like to see pictures of that!

[skyz]

I would like to see pictures of that!

actually i was thinking of sending it to you at some point and having you make me ten versions all in white using different beautiful fabrics

very fine fabrics

the skirt is very balletic but you could wear it almost anywhere depending on the fabric it moves beautifully

i could wear them everywhere and when people asked where i get my beautiful skirts i will give them your card

i can help you build your brand

i know style

one fashion oriented website got over a 100 million dollars in venture capital

there is money in fashion

women will always spend money to look good :cool: so will many men

you can bank on that literally

[AriaStar]

Last week we were at Target because Cody lost his wallet and needed a new one (it has since been found), and I saw this plush pastel yellow "honey pot" with classic-style Winnie the Pooh finger puppets inside, and it was so precious. Cody ended up getting it for me and said it can go into a baby box, stuff for a baby. My morale has gotten really low in recent weeks.

If he gets into the Genius position he's working on, and it's looking like he'll get it in a couple months, then he'll be able to get insurance for both of us (domestic partnership) that will cover half the cost, so it would be about $6,000 instead of nearly $12,000.

Still, I feel so hopeless. There's so much going on that it feels like a baby will never get to be the sole thing we focus on.

Someone smack me.

[phatlip12]

Someone smack me.

http://www.smithonvoip.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/slap.gif

[Artofwar420]

I'll totally help out as soon as I can.

[dohko]

AriaStar, I want to tell you a few words.

According to Wikipedia:
Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope implies a certain amount of despair, wanting, wishing, suffering or perseverance — i.e., believing that a better or positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary.
But most importantly, hope lives in our hearts. You can lose everything, and by that, I mean that you only have life to hang on; but no matter what, you can never lose hope. Hope is a little flame (like the on that charmander had in that rainy episode in pokemon:p) a very very small flame that can barely light a corner. But it is only up to you and Cody to keep that flame burning! You guys have to keep blowing and blowing and believing that the flame has potential, that it can keep burning for many many moments more. I know you can wake up any day and see how everything seems to be against all odds but there is still chance! And where there is a chance, there is a possibility for anything to happen. Please keep your hopes up and never lose faith in yourself and your partner :)

PS. Give me a few days for my first paycheck to arrive and I'll help you out with what I can. My best wishes!:D

[Secret Steve Crumbles]

Why not just wait a few more months?

[AriaStar]

I'll totally help out as soon as I can.

*HUGS*

[AriaStar]

AriaStar, I want to tell you a few words.

According to Wikipedia:

But most importantly, hope lives in our hearts. You can lose everything, and by that, I mean that you only have life to hang on; but no matter what, you can never lose hope. Hope is a little flame (like the on that charmander had in that rainy episode in pokemon:p) a very very small flame that can barely light a corner. But it is only up to you and Cody to keep that flame burning! You guys have to keep blowing and blowing and believing that the flame has potential, that it can keep burning for many many moments more. I know you can wake up any day and see how everything seems to be against all odds but there is still chance! And where there is a chance, there is a possibility for anything to happen. Please keep your hopes up and never lose faith in yourself and your partner :)

PS. Give me a few days for my first paycheck to arrive and I'll help you out with what I can. My best wishes!:D

Charmander! I loved Pokémon. Named my chinchillas Pikachu and Bella. Lame, but oh well!

I think that as long as one of us has any flame, the other can be reignited. Problem really comes in when both are extinguished.

Thanks. :)

[AriaStar]

Why not just wait a few more months?

Crumbles, it's not a matter of just waiting a few months. IVF isn't so simple. It isn't cheap, it's not in any way convenient. Things are on a very time-sensitive schedule. The shot to cause the eggs to be released MUST be given 34-36 hours before retrieval or else it was a waste (that one is given at about 10pm at night, at home, a needle about two inches long that must be inserted the ENTIRE length). And when we're dealing with my personal medical history and family reproductive history, well, we don't have the luxury of waiting until we're in our 30's or 40's. I'm down an ovary already. If we wait longer than a year, we may as well not even bother.

[comhcinc]

it sounds like to me that if you really want this that bad you need to get a couple of more jobs.

[AriaStar]

it sounds like to me that if you really want this that bad you need to get a couple of more jobs.

I'm in the Silicon Valley and if you had an idea how much time I'm putting into looking for jobs, you'd be amazed. There's been days I've stayed up two or three days straight. In addition to a recession, tons of jobs are being outsourced. This fall we're looking at moving out of the area because it's pretty damned hopeless. I found a job posting for a filing clerk that required five years of experience AND a bachelors, and the entire job description was to file. Still applied though. I've got in applications everywhere from Apple to obscure companies, start-up, things out of the tech industry (wouldn't you know, Nordstrom is serious about having retail experience before they'll even talk to you).

We're going to get my convertible all shiny'd up and sell it. 'Twas the car I dreamed about since I was 16, got it a year ago, but we need the cash more.

Cody's working his ass off for a promotion and I'm working my ass off looking for work. Too little time spent sleeping and as much time stressing and looking actively for work has resulted in me being very sick lately, dropping to 122 pounds, being unable to keep food down for days at a time, and so little energy Cody had to carry me upstairs to bed because I couldn't do it, and sometimes has to shower with me because I don't have energy to not fall sometimes.

We're not being passive about this.

[comhcinc]

hey mcdonalds is always hiring. there is no reason to be without a job.

[AriaStar]

hey mcdonalds is always hiring. there is no reason to be without a job.

Minimum wage is time better spent trying to get my business back up and running. Likely to have a higher end-payoff and moving wouldn't effect it.

[comhcinc]

yeah whatever.

[AriaStar]

yeah whatever.

$8 (which is above minimum) times 40 hours per week is $320, minus about 25% for taxes for a weekly pay of $240. That's time far better spent trying to find a job that pays something. This is an area where rent easily soars into the range of a couple thousand for an apartment.

Why are you trying to be a jerk? Why don't you pick another thread and be a jerk there instead of in this one?

[comhcinc]

my point is that it isn't cool begging for money when you refuse to get a job. notice i said job not career. 240 a week is 240 closer to your goal. if you double that then you are 480 a week closer to your goal.

[acidburn]

$8 (which is above minimum) times 40 hours per week is $320, minus about 25% for taxes for a weekly pay of $240. That's time far better spent trying to find a job that pays something.

That's a really good point because time spent working 40hrs a week will take away from being available for interviews at a moments notice. Any office temping available in the area? That's usually pretty flexible.

The time to consider ANY job just to make money is after you've been out of work for a while, whereas you've only been out a short time. Good luck with the hunt.

[masherscf]

my point is that it isn't cool begging for money when you refuse to get a job. notice i said job not career. 240 a week is 240 closer to your goal. if you double that then you are 480 a week closer to your goal.

My wife pointed out to me that if I maximized the number of classes I could teach in the summer and weekends. We could buy a house in two-years, instead of five. It means working four days a week instead of three.

[ericjosepi]

my point is that it isn't cool begging for money when you refuse to get a job. notice i said job not career. 240 a week is 240 closer to your goal. if you double that then you are 480 a week closer to your goal.

They live in Cali-fucking-fornia. No one could live on $240 there. No one can live on $240 here. You maybe thinking that your idea is good and sound but you have to realize that certain things like rent, food, internet, gas and insurance aren't free there or anywhere.

Dude... you act as if she's not our running around with CVs looking for a job. That's not fair at all. Instead of being a d-bag you could just shut up or even better donate to the cause.

[rabidbadger]

stop fighting, you are all pretty! :)

[comhcinc]

They live in Cali-fucking-fornia. No one could live on $240 there. No one can live on $240 here. You maybe thinking that your idea is good and sound but you have to realize that certain things like rent, food, internet, gas and insurance aren't free there or anywhere.

Dude... you act as if she's not our running around with CVs looking for a job. That's not fair at all. Instead of being a d-bag you could just shut up or even better donate to the cause.

whatever. how is living on 240 worst that living on 0? she has no job.

she claims she really wants a child but and that the is a time limit to get it done. okay fine. if that is the case why is she not doing everything that she can to make money? hell i would be working two or three jobs if i needed too. you can't wait around a couple of months waiting to find a good job when you are on a time limit.


she is not making an effort to raise this money herself. if she choses to get a couple of jobs, (again jobs not careers, having money come in), and shows she really wants this then yeah i'll kick in a couple of hundred dollars.

when my mother got sick (and it was found out we didn't have insurance, long story) my father worked four jobs to pay for everything. it was a sacrifice sometimes you got to sacrifice for things you love.

[tokenuser]

$8 (which is above minimum) times 40 hours per week is $320, minus about 25% for taxes for a weekly pay of $240. That's time far better spent trying to find a job that pays something. This is an area where rent easily soars into the range of a couple thousand for an apartment.

Why are you trying to be a jerk? Why don't you pick another thread and be a jerk there instead of in this one?Hate to say it, but I *shudder* agree with comhcinc here. A job is a job. $240/week is $240/week extra for groceries.

If you want to stay around during the day for interviews or sending/responding to job ads, get a night job ... like stacking shelves at your local Albertsons/Ralphs or even Walmart.

I have been out of work twice in my life. Both times while I was in the US. Its not easy - because of my Visa status, I couldn't go back to flipping burgers (like I did in hs) - I needed a company willing to sponsor my Visa. I got a job within 10 days ... but had to wait 3 months I couldn't work while waiting for the US Govt to process the work Visa. We cut back everything so that we wouldn't lose our house. Not easy on a single grad student income. You make sacrifices. Even when you get your "real" job, if IVF is so important, you might want to keep up the second job to boost the income.

Life isn't easy. It makes the rewards at the end taste sweeter.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

Hate to say it, but I *shudder* agree with comhcinc here. A job is a job. $240/week is $240/week extra for groceries.

If you want to stay around during the day for interviews or sending/responding to job ads, get a night job ... like stacking shelves at your local Albertsons/Ralphs or even Walmart.

I have been out of work twice in my life. Both times while I was in the US. Its not easy - because of my Visa status, I couldn't go back to flipping burgers (like I did in hs) - I needed a company willing to sponsor my Visa. I got a job within 10 days ... but had to wait 3 months I couldn't work while waiting for the US Govt to process the work Visa. We cut back everything so that we wouldn't lose our house. Not easy on a single grad student income. You make sacrifices. Even when you get your "real" job, if IVF is so important, you might want to keep up the second job to boost the income.

Life isn't easy. It makes the rewards at the end taste sweeter.

I have to agree as well. If I needed to I would take whatever job I could get. Thankfully, I haven't been in that position.

[esophagus]

Yeah, I'm with comhc here too.

[rabidbadger]

hmm, my takehome with one 9-5 job is about that, and I am (barely) making it, but making it, in a smaller city I know, but gas, electric, food don't know that. Luckily I make a few extra bucks with freelance once in a while, but gotta agree. working while looking works.

[esophagus]

Well, and if you aren't working now the money isn't to "make it". It's just to help you (which it will) in the baby-making.

$240 a week = $960 a month.
$960 a month = $3840 in 4 months.

That is a large chunk of money, and by that point you may have found a new job (40 hours in a 168 hour week means you have time to search, or pick up a second job).

Admittedly, I don't know all of the circumstances here, but it does seem to be a rather silly stance to take. I have a 50 year old aunt who just moved all of the way across the country, leaving her husband at home, to find a job for some extra money. Ideal? No. Doable? Yes.

[Secret Steve Crumbles]

Crumbles, it's not a matter of just waiting a few months. IVF isn't so simple. It isn't cheap, it's not in any way convenient.Yea, I know, I was trying to make a joke. I was trying to infer that you could just wait a few months until UHC passes, then I'll help you pay for it.

hmm, my takehome with one 9-5 job is about that, and I am (barely) making it, but making it, in a smaller city I know, but gas, electric, food don't know that. Luckily I make a few extra bucks with freelance once in a while, but gotta agree. working while looking works.Ah, now I understand.

[phatlip12]

my point is that it isn't cool begging for money when you refuse to get a job. notice i said job not career. 240 a week is 240 closer to your goal. if you double that then you are 480 a week closer to your goal.

I would have worded it a little differently but I agree. A job is a job. 240 a week is better then nothing a week. Take whatever you can get- nobody is saying you have to stay. In the mean time look for something different, at least you'll have SOME sort of income.

[AriaStar]

McDonald's is about the only place I haven't tried, Guys. I did fast food for one summer and was so miserable doing it. It led to depression, and I eventually tried to kill myself. Took a bottle full of Tylenol PMs.

Cody doesn't want me working fast food because I'm spending as many hours as possible job-searching right now, and he's worried about my health. I need a job that pays something more. This is an area where $240 (presuming McD's starts above minimum) pays for about two tanks of gas. Working 40 hours at minimum wage would leave me too exhausted to spend more time looking for a job on top of it. I don't have that kind of energy right now.

Token, we don't have WalMart around here. I can't lift the 50 pounds stocking jobs require to be lifted anyway. The puppies are about 25 pounds each, and I can barely pick one of them up. I looked at stocking jobs already, and not one I looked at had a lower requirement. Some were for more.

But fuck, if you guys think it's worth it, let me know and I'll ignore Cody and my own gut instinct and go apply at McD's.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

McDonald's is about the only place I haven't tried, Guys. I did fast food for one summer and was so miserable doing it. It led to depression, and I eventually tried to kill myself. Took a bottle full of Tylenol PMs.

Cody doesn't want me working fast food because I'm spending as many hours as possible job-searching right now, and he's worried about my health. I need a job that pays something more. This is an area where $240 (presuming McD's starts above minimum) pays for about two tanks of gas. Working 40 hours at minimum wage would leave me too exhausted to spend more time looking for a job on top of it. I don't have that kind of energy right now.

Token, we don't have WalMart around here. I can't lift the 50 pounds stocking jobs require to be lifted anyway. The puppies are about 25 pounds each, and I can barely pick one of them up. I looked at stocking jobs already, and not one I looked at had a lower requirement. Some were for more.

But fuck, if you guys think it's worth it, let me know and I'll ignore Cody and my own gut instinct and go apply at McD's.

Doesn't have to be McD's. Lots of food places. Coffee places. Some retail.

[comhcinc]

McDonald's is about the only place I haven't tried, Guys. I did fast food for one summer and was so miserable doing it. It led to depression, and I eventually tried to kill myself. Took a bottle full of Tylenol PMs.

Cody doesn't want me working fast food because I'm spending as many hours as possible job-searching right now, and he's worried about my health. I need a job that pays something more. This is an area where $240 (presuming McD's starts above minimum) pays for about two tanks of gas. Working 40 hours at minimum wage would leave me too exhausted to spend more time looking for a job on top of it. I don't have that kind of energy right now.

Token, we don't have WalMart around here. I can't lift the 50 pounds stocking jobs require to be lifted anyway. The puppies are about 25 pounds each, and I can barely pick one of them up. I looked at stocking jobs already, and not one I looked at had a lower requirement. Some were for more.

But fuck, if you guys think it's worth it, let me know and I'll ignore Cody and my own gut instinct and go apply at McD's.

if you can't handle working forty hours and looking for a job how do you expect to keep up with a child?

[rabidbadger]

Babe, know what? I think you should check out bars. Cocktail waiting is minimum, but with your sexy new bod and delightful smile, you could get great tips. My mom raised me and my bro doing that while paying for nursing school. I know you been bummed. been there, am there... but you survived so much worse before. You can get past this. I know you can. And with cody, me, and rev3 by your side.... It will happen. You trust my dreams? right? seen you succeeding. You know that.

[rabidbadger]

if you can't handle working forty hours and looking for a job how do you expect to keep up with a child?

ohhh burn! :D but honestly, good question. and Aria, we wouldn't be saying this if we didn't love you. Hell, I gave Cody all kindsa shit when he was in his job-quest funk, but only cause I had faith in him. It worked for him. It will work for you.

[AriaStar]

Doesn't have to be McD's. Lots of food places. Coffee places. Some retail.

While still working on eating disorder recovery, it really wouldn't be a good idea for me to go get sick of looking at it so I don't want to eat. It's still too easy for me to not want to eat. I don't have the strength nor energy to carry around trays and to list heavy things.

I'm ahead of you on those other two. I've sent in my resume to Starbucks (listing that I worked there in 1999) and applied online for retail places. I'm at the point of sending resumes to places I've already sent them.

Funny enough, people here seem to go back and forth between saying I should spend time working on getting my design business back up and running, which I used to make a nice living doing only about 15 or 20 hours per week, and saying I should use my time working fast food "if [I] have to" and look for other jobs outside of those hours.

What I would like to do is to get to spend enough time on that so that, when/if we do have a baby, I can stay home with the child instead of resorting to day care and still make money. We're also not going to be living gin this area part the end of the year. Seems like working on my business would be time invested in something that will pay off in the end a lot more than a minimum wage job for the next few months, but no one else here seems to see it that way. Seems everyone here thinks I should just spend my time working on my business.

Fine, ariaaustin.com will be taken down here directly and I'll go apply at the fast food places tomorrow.

[AriaStar]

if you can't handle working forty hours and looking for a job how do you expect to keep up with a child?

Forty hours, looking for a decent job, keeping up with puppies, trying to get my business off the ground again. I'm also still working on eating disorder recovery. Stick me around a lot of food where I'm miserable and it'd be easy for me to stop eating again. You can see the ribs in my chest.

We're moving this fall back down south where it costs less than here, and our goal is for me to be able to stay home with a child. Cody's a couple months away from a promotion that comes with a rather nice pay increase. If I can get my business back off the ground, then I'd be able to bring in money working from home.

[AriaStar]

Babe, know what? I think you should check out bars. Cocktail waiting is minimum, but with your sexy new bod and delightful smile, you could get great tips. My mom raised me and my bro doing that while paying for nursing school. I know you been bummed. been there, am there... but you survived so much worse before. You can get past this. I know you can. And with cody, me, and rev3 by your side.... It will happen. You trust my dreams? right? seen you succeeding. You know that.

I've actually applied. Some places want people trained in bartending, some are willing to train. I'd have no doubt I could get drunk guys to tip the cute, nice redhead. But I haven't heard back.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

Forty hours, looking for a decent job, keeping up with puppies, trying to get my business off the ground again. I'm also still working on eating disorder recovery. Stick me around a lot of food where I'm miserable and it'd be easy for me to stop eating again. You can see the ribs in my chest.

We're moving this fall back down south where it costs less than here, and our goal is for me to be able to stay home with a child. Cody's a couple months away from a promotion that comes with a rather nice pay increase. If I can get my business back off the ground, then I'd be able to bring in money working from home.

Santa Barbara, right? Start making clothes now to sell at the street fair on the beach every Sunday. :D

[comhcinc]

Forty hours, looking for a decent job, keeping up with puppies, trying to get my business off the ground again. I'm also still working on eating disorder recovery. Stick me around a lot of food where I'm miserable and it'd be easy for me to stop eating again. You can see the ribs in my chest.

We're moving this fall back down south where it costs less than here, and our goal is for me to be able to stay home with a child. Cody's a couple months away from a promotion that comes with a rather nice pay increase. If I can get my business back off the ground, then I'd be able to bring in money working from home.
so maybe you should wait on having a kid. you are can't have it both ways.

[AriaStar]

I have a 50 year old aunt who just moved all of the way across the country, leaving her husband at home, to find a job for some extra money. Ideal? No. Doable? Yes.

Actually, as soon as Cody gets a promo he's working toward and should have soon, he's putting in for a transfer and we ARE moving somewhere where it costs less. A few hundred miles south.

[esophagus]

Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Working and trying to start a design thing can be done simultaneously. If you don't think you have the time or energy to do things on top of a full-time job working for yourself isn't a good start, nor is having a child.

Fast food and stocking jobs are not the only jobs out there.

Cashier?
Bartender?
Hostess?
Etc.

I'm not saying "give up" I'm saying that these may be things you need to think about.

[AriaStar]

so maybe you should wait on having a kid. you are can't have it both ways.

Having a kid via IVF isn't overnight. If we had unlimited money available to us, with the time lines of IVF the soonest we could have a child, presuming the first transfer took and I was pregnant, would be 15 months away. The first step is a surgical procedure that requires a three-month wait afterward and some testing to make sure it worked before the next step can be done. It's not like going out and having sex without a condom and pregnant tomorrow. The absolute soonest conception could be possible would be several months out. Since the surgical procedure is covered by insurance I don't have but that Cody will have when he gets the promo, that can't happen for at least a couple more months. And since the pre-surg appointment couldn't be made until after he has that insurance, count on three months out. Fifteen months on top of that three months and we're talking a year and a half.

When talking in terms of IVF to someone with a family history of fertility problems and who's already down one part of the system, saying to just wait is the equivalent of saying don't do it at all.

[AriaStar]

Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Working and trying to start a design thing can be done simultaneously. If you don't think you have the time or energy to do things on top of a full-time job working for yourself isn't a good start, nor is having a child.

Fast food and stocking jobs are not the only jobs out there.

Cashier?
Bartender?
Hostess?
Etc.

I'm not saying "give up" I'm saying that these may be things you need to think about.

I've applied for everything under the sun aside from fast food. From bartending to a security guard position Cody didn't want me to apply for (physical danger) but I did anyway.

And don't tell me what you think I need to think about. You have no clue at all how in depth we've gone in thinking about things.

[AriaStar]

Santa Barbara, right? Start making clothes now to sell at the street fair on the beach every Sunday. :D

That area, even if not right in Santa Barbara.

[comhcinc]

When talking in terms of IVF to someone with a family history of fertility problems and who's already down one part of the system, saying to just wait is the equivalent of saying don't do it at all.

okay which goes straight back to my point that if you want this done you are going to have to go out and get a shitty job. you can't wait around trying to find a good job or trying to be a business started. those things can wait.

again if you really wanted this i don't see why both of you are not working at least two jobs

[AriaStar]

okay which goes straight back to my point that if you want this done you are going to have to go out and get a shitty job. you can't wait around trying to find a good job or trying to be a business started. those things can wait.

again if you really wanted this i don't see why both of you are not working at least two jobs

You seem to think getting a job is as easy as going and asking for one. It's not. At least not in this area. It'd be nice is jobs were easy to come by. Too bad they aren't. The unemployment rate is high here for a reason. Not because people aren't looking, but because they are scarce. Even law work is being outsourced to India at this point. People are leaving the area because there's just no work. I read an article a few days ago that said that for every available position, from the minimum wage jobs on up, employers are averaging close to 70 applicants.

[esophagus]

And don't tell me what you think I need to think about. You have no clue at all how in depth we've gone in thinking about things. Thats why I said "may be". Calm the fuck down.

[comhcinc]

You seem to think getting a job is as easy as going and asking for one. It's not. At least not in this area. It'd be nice is jobs were easy to come by. Too bad they aren't. The unemployment rate is high here for a reason. Not because people aren't looking, but because they are scarce. Even law work is being outsourced to India at this point. People are leaving the area because there's just no work. I read an article a few days ago that said that for every available position, from the minimum wage jobs on up, employers are averaging close to 70 applicants.

whatever. like i said mcdonalds is always hiring. if not them try burgerking.

[AriaStar]

Not surprisingly this thread has derailed, like they all do around here.

Look, I've applied for every job but fast food and stocking jobs. I'm still working on eating disorder recovery. Sticking me around food where I'm miserable would result in me not eating at all. I don't have the strength to do stocking jobs. But I have applied for everything else, even jobs Cody didn't want me to apply at, such as a job as a security guard near Oakland. I told him I wouldn't, but did anyway. Filing jobs are starting to require degrees because companies can demand that. According to the news, unemployment in this area is hovering around 10%. Being in a recession sucks in the best of places, and outright hurts in an area where so many of the jobs are being outsourced on top of all else.

I've sent in my resume for retail jobs and have no retail experience aside from a few weeks when I was 17. I've sent in my resume to questionable places. I wouldn't be above selling my body at this point if Cody didn't veto that.

We are moving as soon as we can to somewhere that costs less. We aren't being idle about this. All the time I can spend job-searching is being used to search for jobs. My laptop is rarely out of my lap and my tail bone hurts from so much time spent sitting and searching.

Jobs are not available left and right out here. Getting one or two isn't as easy as wanting one. The competition is fierce. And we're doing all we know to do. So don't think we're doing nothing.

And any time someone says to just wait, which is the equivalent of saying "give up" to someone going through this, a little more of me is chipped away and I get closer and closer to giving up. As tough as times are, we're still doing what we can to save for a baby, still adding to "the jar," as we call it. A large Raiders bottle that once held popcorn.

[tokenuser]

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/mar/705537803.html
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/hea/705521775.html
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/ofc/705519570.html

Looking over Craigslist, it appears that someone is hiring in the bay area. Approx 1000 jobs posted TODAY. OK, not all in your area, and many are not things you'd be qualified for, but saying there are no jobs is a stretch.

[AriaStar]

Oh, and since it was suggested that some of you may not know, I only lost my job a few weeks ago. Massive layoffs at the company. A lot of domestic workers laid off and some of those jobs sent overseas, some just cut altogether.

Three and a half weeks ago. As a contractor, I don't get unemployment, despite having been with that company two and a half years.

[AriaStar]

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/mar/705537803.html
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/hea/705521775.html
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/ofc/705519570.html

Looking over Craigslist, it appears that someone is hiring in the bay area. Approx 1000 jobs posted TODAY. OK, not all in your area, and many are not things you'd be qualified for, but saying there are no jobs is a stretch.

CraigsList never gets closed on this computer. The way I spend my days are refreshing and sending resumes to every job I can as they come up, except for ones I know I couldn't do. If a job lists qualifications I don't have but I know I could do, I apply anyway. If a job is one I know I couldn't do (programming in Python, for instance), I don't.

After about seven or so I spend my time getting e-mails ready to be sent at the click of a button the following morning. Having a hundred or more windows open is typical.

Oakland Lake Merritt is an hour from here. I've applied at jobs further away though.

That executive assistant job has been listed before. I've already applied. As I said earlier though, I'm at the point of sending resumes to places I've sent them before, and will continue to do so.

A lot of jobs are the same jobs listed in multiple categories and re-lists. I've spent enough time on CL to notice those. A thousand jobs listed today isn't a thousand new jobs. Take out the duplicates listed in other categories today or over the past few weeks and the number of unique positions, defined as not duplicative, goes down by quite a bit.

[rabidbadger]

ugh, that sucks. and a couple of weeks without income is not good, but from what you been telling me on chat. BABE, you been kicking ass!

[AriaStar]

ugh, that sucks. and a couple of weeks without income is not good, but from what you been telling me on chat. BABE, you been kicking ass!

Well, people around here seem to think we've been doing nothing.

And it's been progress to not throw up everything I eat. Hell, eating at all was progress. Seriously, Joel, stick me around fast food and I can guarantee you what will happen is I'll either binge because I can and am too unhappy to care, and then throw it all up, while I'm there, or not eat at all. Too big of a risk for too little pay. I've been in the emergency room once already this year for this. What do you think, am I being stupid or stubborn for not wanting to take that risk and potentially undo the recovery work I've done?

[tokenuser]

Ideally, now is the time to start you dress making back up, but that takes materials, and materials cost money. You need a night shift job so you can buy materials you need, and then work during the day.

After the Ren dress you did, try contacting vendors at the ren faires (http://www.sffaire.com/links.asp?type=vendor) and see if you can do piece work on commission, or if they would sell your garb on commission. Network, network, network.

MY wife will tell you how depressed I got not working. I had time to spare, but no $$$ to enjoy it.

[AriaStar]

Ideally, now is the time to start you dress making back up, but that takes materials, and materials cost money. You need a night shift job so you can buy materials you need, and then work during the day.

After the Ren dress you did, try contacting vendors at the ren faires (http://www.sffaire.com/links.asp?type=vendor) and see if you can do piece work on commission, or if they would sell your garb on commission. Network, network, network.

MY wife will tell you how depressed I got not working. I had time to spare, but no $$$ to enjoy it.

You should see the supplies I already have. The materials, fabrics, notions. From duchess silks to Scalamandré silk brocades, pure lamb wool coating fabric, somewhere I have some alpaca. I've got a couple hundred yards of various silk chiffons, dozens of flats of cottons, printed and solid. I've got more spools of thread than I know what to do with (aside from sew!). Beads, zippers in all lengths and many colors, buttons, trims, Venetian laces, Swarovski crystals and real pearl beads...you name it, I have it, probably two or three of it. From the typical things a hobbyist would have to the more obscure things you can't find at your neighborhood fabric store.

The office here, our downstairs bedroom, is packed with boxes and tubs of fabrics, trims, notions, and the closet is filled to the gills.

I've got several dress forms from sizes a lot smaller than me on up to about 42" in the waist.

There is no additional financial investment needed. Over the years, when I saw something on special or could get a good deal, if I have the funds, I'd buy it and store it for when I did need it. This is part of how I'm able to do a lot of things for less than others. I don't wait until I need something urgently and have to pay whatever the current full price is. I buy what I anticipate using at some point when it's on sale.

When I've got a few minutes to spare, I head in to the office to do a little organizing. Networking takes time several here seem to think would be better spent working fast food just to bring in a buck or two now. Never mind that my dressmaking would allow me to offer my skills to a much larger demographic than just whoever pulls through a drive-thru, and it would be something I could do at home while raising a child. Going to fast food is apparently better than any investment in the future, so I'll be taking my site down later tonight. Apparently my lack of willingness to work fast food means I don't want a baby bad enough or shouldn't have one. Fine. If fast food is what I have to do, then fine.

When working there's not the time needed to work on it full-force. When not working, apparently the time is better spent looking for any paying job to bring in money right that second. Doing anything else means I don't want a baby bad enough and doing anything else clearly can't possibly be seen as doing something for the future and that future child. Striving for anything more than whatever I can get at any job in the rat race is cause for loss of respect, or of not being deserving of respect to begin with.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

You should see the supplies I already have. The materials, fabrics, notions. From duchess silks to Scalamandré silk brocades, pure lamb wool coating fabric, somewhere I have some alpaca. I've got a couple hundred yards of various silk chiffons, dozens of flats of cottons, printed and solid. I've got more spools of thread than I know what to do with (aside from sew!). Beads, zippers in all lengths and many colors, buttons, trims, Venetian laces, Swarovski crystals and real pearl beads...you name it, I have it, probably two or three of it. From the typical things a hobbyist would have to the more obscure things you can't find at your neighborhood fabric store.

The office here, our downstairs bedroom, is packed with boxes and tubs of fabrics, trims, notions, and the closet is filled to the gills.

I've got several dress forms from sizes a lot smaller than me on up to about 42" in the waist.

There is no additional financial investment needed. Over the years, when I saw something on special or could get a good deal, if I have the funds, I'd buy it and store it for when I did need it. This is part of how I'm able to do a lot of things for less than others. I don't wait until I need something urgently and have to pay whatever the current full price is. I buy what I anticipate using at some point when it's on sale.

When I've got a few minutes to spare, I head in to the office to do a little organizing. Networking takes time several here seem to think would be better spent working fast food just to bring in a buck or two now. Never mind that my dressmaking would allow me to offer my skills to a much larger demographic than just whoever pulls through a drive-thru. Going to fast food is apparently better than any investment in the future, so I'll be taking my site down later tonight. Apparently my lack of willingness to work fast food means I don't want a baby bad enough or shouldn't have one. Fine. If fast food is what I have to do, then fine.

Well, you hardly sound like you're healthy enough to be baring children, let alone stay home and take care of them. I would worry about getting healthy before worrying about kids.

[AriaStar]

Well, you hardly sound like you're healthy enough to be baring children, let alone stay home and take care of them. I would worry about getting healthy before worrying about kids.


*sigh* Read everything I wrote. Part of why we don't want me working in fast food is it would be a trigger that would work against my ED recovery. And IVF is a long process that wouldn't be able to happen overnight. If we had all the money available to us we could need and pregnancy happened at the first possible time, it would still be 15 months out before having a baby. Since we can start NOTHING more until Cody has insurance, at least a couple months out, well, add that time in. We can't wait to plan until things are all perfect. Gotta plan ahead of time and do what we can ahead of time. We can always delay a step of the process, but we can't get time back.

That surgical procedure, for instance, could be done safely right now if we had the insurance coverage for it. It's the last month that would require things be as perfect as they can be. If we were to wait to even start thinking about this or saving up or doing what we could when we could, it would be too late.

I doubt things were perfect when you had children. Things rarely are. But they usually work out in the end. It's no one's place but ours to decide we shouldn't have children when we want them, and no one's place to say we should wait for this or that. We've given it all a lot of thought, both pros and cons, thought about schools, costs of them, how to fit everything together. If we weren't having to worry about my family reproductive history and my medical history, we'd wait longer. We don't have that luxury. Putting it off a few years may literally mean the difference between being parents and not ever having children. We know there are risks involved. My age is part of the reason the doctor is even willing to go forward with it - if something goes wrong, there's a higher chance I'll make a recovery. We're not stupid about this.

Working toward a baby and it being any possibility is tremendous motivation to eat and keep food in my body. Certain parts of my system will never be normal.

How about a little dose of Godwin. Know who thought that only the fittest should have children? That those who weren't as perfect as could be, free from medical problems, should not have children? Hitler. Eugenics. I'm surprised at how many people actually say that I shouldn't have children with my medical history or that they think I wouldn't be healthy enough, therefore should pass.

Passing up having children isn't like passing up a handbag or a nice pair of shoes. Styles change with the season. Passing up children is giving up a large part of life for those who want them. It's giving up some sense of purpose.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

You'll have to forgive some of us for not knowing any better. You telling us you can't lift much, life is hard on you, you have an eating disorder, etc... You've just about given us every reason to be concerned about the well being of you and your future children. If it's not so bad, then try not to make it sound like it is. =/

[comhcinc]

you know aria if you don't want people commenting on your life then maybe you shouldn't put it out there for everyone to see.

throwing hissy fits doesn't help your case in anyway.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

you know aria if you don't want people commenting on your life then maybe you shouldn't put it out there for everyone to see.


Pretty much. =/

[phatlip12]

Whats the issue with a regular old retail job then?

*Blockbuster
*Staples
*American Eagle
*Gap
*Costco
*Gamestop
*Frys
*Best Buy

This list goes on and on. I don't understand the issue? Any job is better then no job.



Even more so if your asking for money in the process. I just think if you go as far as asking for money you have no room to be picky when in search of a new job.

[AriaStar]

Whats the issue with a regular old retail job then?

*Blockbuster
*Staples
*American Eagle
*Gap
*Costco
*Gamestop
*Frys
*Best Buy

This list goes on and on. I don't understand the issue? Any job is better then no job.



Even more so if your asking for money in the process. I just think if you go as far as asking for money you have no room to be picky when in search of a new job.


Don't know where an American Eagle is, but I've sent apps to those other places. I'm saying no fast food of heavy lifting jobs. This thread was started before I was laid off, Kyle.

[AriaStar]

Y'all want your way and for us for not have kids? Fine. Know what? There was so little hope left to break. Congratulations on doing that. I'll tell Cody in just a moment that we're not going to have them. I'll link him to this thread for the reason.

[comhcinc]

Y'all want your way and for us for not have kids? Fine. Know what? There was so little hope left to break. Congratulations on doing that. I'll tell Cody in just a moment that we're not going to have them. I'll link him to this thread for the reason.
yes if you are going to let people on the interwebz affect you that badly, then you should not have a kid. you are not ready mentally for it.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

Y'all want your way and for us for not have kids? Fine. Know what? There was so little hope left to break. Congratulations on doing that. I'll tell Cody in just a moment that we're not going to have them. I'll link him to this thread for the reason.

If you weren't ALWAYS complaining about how sick you are, how hard life is, and always ALWAYS making sure everyone in the world knows about your problems, people might not have been so concerned, or taken the effort to reply.

If a thread isn't about you, you turn it into being about you, and you tell us all your life story. If you don't want our opinion, stop making everything about Aria, because it isn't. I'm sorry if you can't grasp that.

The guilt trip won't work, Aria. This is your own doing. We're only being concerned. If you don't want that, don't post your dirty laundry.

[phatlip12]

Y'all want your way and for us for not have kids? Fine. Know what? There was so little hope left to break. Congratulations on doing that. I'll tell Cody in just a moment that we're not going to have them. I'll link him to this thread for the reason.

Aria, if a thread on a web forum brought you to the decision of not having kids I honestly think it's best you don't. If thats not a sign that you're not ready for children I don't know what is.

Not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you how it is. What you said is proof that you're not ready.

[esophagus]

If you weren't ALWAYS complaining about how sick you are, how hard life is, and always ALWAYS making sure everyone in the world knows about your problems, people might not have been so concerned, or taken the effort to reply.

If a thread isn't about you, you turn it into being about you, and you tell us all your life story. If you don't want our opinion, stop making everything about Aria, because it isn't. I'm sorry if you can't grasp that.

The guilt trip won't work, Aria. This is your own doing. We're only being concerned. If you don't want that, don't post your dirty laundry.


Positive. Fucking. Rep.

[esophagus]

Aria, if a thread on a web forum brought you to the decision of not having kids I honestly think it's best you don't. If thats not a sign that you're not ready for children I don't know what is.

Not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you how it is. What you said is proof that you're not ready.Agreed again. This is the internet, and if you want to explode here to the point of throwing away what seems to be your life's big dream, I'm not sure you are ready for a child. Don't start getting upset, I'm the first one to donate, obviously I'm not just trying to sabotage this. I'm just saying that whether you want to tell me you thought everything out or not, you need to think harder. A child isn't a petty decision that should in any way correlate with what turn a thread on the internet has taken.

[AriaStar]

Cody said don't listen to people who're being assholes. You know, he was once "just a forum member" too, but I gave value to what he said to me before we met in person. I don't view people in forums as "just" that - I acknowledge real people behind the monitor, and give value to that. Thank goodness, eh? Because I met the love of my life by not seeing him as a faceless, anonymous just-a-forum-member, or anything like that. When in come to respect someone, being out in cyberspace or two blocks away doesn't matter. Either way, if I respect what someone says, location doesn't matter, so what's said has an effect. Hearing over and over again don't do this or don't do that, it kind of gets to someone, especially when said repeatedly by people I generally care about and respect. And I view this place as a family of sorts. My grandparents are all still living, and dozens and dozens of other blood relatives, but they're not family. I give you guys more credence than any of them, and I don't talk to them at all in any way.

Anyone who is going to keep saying we shouldn't have kids can go fuck off. If we were to have a little accident one day, I'm sure that'd be greeted joyfully. Seems unplanned pregnancies are the ones people are okay with, and people trying to plan things are just met with people giving reasons not to. There's a difference between expressing concern and outright telling someone they shouldn't because you say so.

So seriously, anyone trying to tell us not to, go fuck yourselves instead of saying we shouldn't do something so clearly so important to us. We need moral support, not to be torn down.

[skyz]

Cody said don't listen to people who're being assholes. You know, he was once "just a forum member" too, but I gave value to what he said to me before we met in person. I don't view people in forums as "just" that - I acknowledge real people behind the monitor, and give value to that. Thank goodness, eh? Because I met the love of my life by not seeing him as a faceless, anonymous just-a-forum-member, or anything like that. When in come to respect someone, being out in cyberspace or two blocks away doesn't matter. Either way, if I respect what someone says, location doesn't matter, so what's said has an effect. Hearing over and over again don't do this or don't do that, it kind of gets to someone, especially when said repeatedly by people I generally care about and respect. And I view this place as a family of sorts. My grandparents are all still living, and dozens and dozens of other blood relatives, but they're not family. I give you guys more credence than any of them, and I don't talk to them at all in any way.

Anyone who is going to keep saying we shouldn't have kids can go fuck off. If we were to have a little accident one day, I'm sure that'd be greeted joyfully. Seems unplanned pregnancies are the ones people are okay with, and people trying to plan things are just met with people giving reasons not to. There's a difference between expressing concern and outright telling someone they shouldn't because you say so.

So seriously, anyone trying to tell us not to, go fuck yourselves instead of saying we shouldn't do something so clearly so important to us. We need moral support, not to be torn down.

aria

you are fortunate that you have even one person to share your dream

if you depend on moral support you won't get far in turning a dream into reality

i don't think you should work fast food

i think you should take the 'opportunity' to chill and relax

everything is high drama with you it wears you and those around you out

if i wanted to get pregnant i would get very relaxed and very healthy

move from the high rent area asap

do you fashion business but do it not talk about it

life is hard sometimes but it doesn't have to be hard all the time

focus on what you have not what you don't have

think about going to school

if you had a college degree you could work for just about anyone

[comhcinc]

Cody said don't listen to people who're being assholes. You know, he was once "just a forum member" too, but I gave value to what he said to me before we met in person. I don't view people in forums as "just" that - I acknowledge real people behind the monitor, and give value to that. Thank goodness, eh? Because I met the love of my life by not seeing him as a faceless, anonymous just-a-forum-member, or anything like that. When in come to respect someone, being out in cyberspace or two blocks away doesn't matter. Either way, if I respect what someone says, location doesn't matter, so what's said has an effect. Hearing over and over again don't do this or don't do that, it kind of gets to someone, especially when said repeatedly by people I generally care about and respect. And I view this place as a family of sorts. My grandparents are all still living, and dozens and dozens of other blood relatives, but they're not family. I give you guys more credence than any of them, and I don't talk to them at all in any way.

Anyone who is going to keep saying we shouldn't have kids can go fuck off. If we were to have a little accident one day, I'm sure that'd be greeted joyfully. Seems unplanned pregnancies are the ones people are okay with, and people trying to plan things are just met with people giving reasons not to. There's a difference between expressing concern and outright telling someone they shouldn't because you say so.

So seriously, anyone trying to tell us not to, go fuck yourselves instead of saying we shouldn't do something so clearly so important to us. We need moral support, not to be torn down.

your first paragraph and your second paragraph do not go together. in the first one you tell us how much we mean to you and in the second on you tell us to go fuck ourselves. so which is it?

no one told you not to have a child until you brought it up. what most of us said is before you go around begging for money maybe you should get a fucking job or two. at which point you started naming all the reasons why you can't get one. all these horrible medical problems that for some reason you think would be just awesome to pass on to a child. but you know what, fuck it is your life. and yet when pushed about working you start whiny .then you are going to let the opinions of half a dozen people change you mind or at least act like it. what are you, 12?

again you are just sitting here asking for it. you don't want me to comment on your actions then don't tell me about it. otherwise i feel free to say what i want. it works the same way in reverse sister. i do not want you commenting on the choices i make with my life so guess what? i don't post them on message boards. problem solved.

[Secret Steve Crumbles]

no one told you not to have a child until you brought it up. what most of us said is before you go around begging for money maybe you should get a fucking job or two. at which point you started naming all the reasons why you can't get one.I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I totally agree with you on this one comhcinc.

[tokenuser]

This thread started out innocently enough ...

A long standing forum member asking for help to achieve a very valid goal. The intent was clear, and it was something that AS A COMMUNITY we could get behind ... to help out someone we know.

Begging? Perhaps ... if thats what your stance is going to be it won't change. I didn't see it as that, I saw it as an opportunity for some community support via a donation.

At the time Aria posted the thread, she was gainfully employed, and she and Cody were doing what they could to fund the procedures themselves. Its not easy, and its not cheap. Finding not only some financial support, but emotional support is needed in IVF programmes.

Situations change. The company Aria worked for got gutted. She (as a long time contractor) was first to go, and got zero benefits from the termination.

Suddenly the tone in this thread changed, and it was "why are you begging for money for a baby if you can't get off your ass and get a job?" I am not quite that harsh, but its a sentiment I sort of agree with ... but it was not the context inwhich this thread was created.

Aria is looking for a job - in a very difficult job market. There are jobs out there. There always will be. She is not begging for money while she is unemployed. She is looking for a job. She is investing time in looking, while burning through whatever resources she had.

Priorities shift. Baby talk need to go on the back burner while more mundane things like paying bills are taken care of. Even if you had a child, at this stage you would be so far in debt that it would be the welfare baby that you despise. You need to get financially secure first.

Unfortunately reality gets in the way of our dreams all the time.

[esophagus]

I'm with Comhcinc and Crumbles here.

Not upset about Aria asking for money (then) or I wouldn't have given it. The rest of the antics going on in this thread is what concerns me.

[Bohemian_Beauty]

I'm with Comhcinc and Crumbles here.

Not upset about Aria asking for money (then) or I wouldn't have given it. The rest of the antics going on in this thread is what concerns me.

Pretty much. Just a little outta control.... :rolleyes:

[skyz]

Unfortunately reality gets in the way of our dreams all the time.

right

sometimes you have to endure what seems unbearable to get to the mountain top

it is the grace with which you handle adversity that is the real key to ultimate success imho

aria has a roof over her head and someone who loves her

she has many talents and personal resources

everyone here on this board lives like royalty in comparison with most of the rest of the world

i find that gratitude for what i do have works better than hyper focus on what i don't have

if you focus all your energy on your problems real or imagined i can guarantee you that that thinking will bring you problems not solutions

chill aria :cool:

you need to learn to not live in a constant state of angst

[phatlip12]

no one told you not to have a child until you brought it up. what most of us said is before you go around begging for money maybe you should get a fucking job or two. at which point you started naming all the reasons why you can't get one. all these horrible medical problems that for some reason you think would be just awesome to pass on to a child. but you know what, fuck it is your life. and yet when pushed about working you start whiny .then you are going to let the opinions of half a dozen people change you mind or at least act like it. what are you, 12?


Again, not trying to be mean but only telling it like it is:

Agreed. Yes, Aria started this thread BEFORE she lost her job. The problem people have is this nose in the air attitude she seems to have towards getting one of "those jobs" yet she has no problem accepting money from us still. What, you're too good to flip burgers or fold clothes at the Gap but you have no problem taking our money?

comh said "but you know what, fuck it is your life." but thats not true. When you have a child it's his or her life thats your number one priority, not your own. It's the child I'm concerned about. Aria, do you honestly expect me to believe that you're ready to have a child when a few small comments 2 or 3 people made on a web forum talked you out of having one? It would be different if 2 or 3 people ON THE INTERNET talked you out of something else, but a child? You claim to want a kid so bad and say you're trying so hard but 2 or 3 people ON A WEB FORUM made a few small comments and talked you out having a child? You can say "fuck you" to me all you want but I don't think you're ready for a kid. I'm sure you'll make a great mother one day when you're ready but from the way you talk you're not there yet.

[esophagus]

Again, not trying to be mean but only telling it like it is:

Agreed. Yes, Aria started this thread BEFORE she lost her job. The problem people have is this nose in the air attitude she seems to have towards getting one of "those jobs" yet she has no problem accepting money from us still. What, you're too good to flip burgers or fold clothes at the Gap but you have no problem taking our money?

comh said "but you know what, fuck it is your life." but thats not true. When you have a child it's his or her life thats your number one priority, not your own. It's the child I'm concerned about. Aria, do you honestly expect me to believe that you're ready to have a child when a few small comments 2 or 3 people made on a web forum talked you out of having one? It would be different if 2 or 3 people ON THE INTERNET talked you out of something else, but a child? You claim to want a kid so bad and say you're trying so hard but 2 or 3 people ON A WEB FORUM made a few small comments and talked you out having a child? You can say "fuck you" to me all you want but I don't think you're ready for a kid. I'm sure you'll make a great mother one day when you're ready but from the way you talk you're not there yet.
I think I'll keep agreeing with people instead of saying things on my own. Other people seem to be doing a pretty good job with this one.

[samureye]

I think I'll keep agreeing with people instead of saying things on my own. Other people seem to be doing a pretty good job with this one.

I am a capuchin monkey that enjoys bathing in peanut butter. Agree?