Bad Things That Ruin Good Porn

[thegreatestmemberever]

-Close up of the girls feet
-Somebody farts
-Somebody forgets there line
-Over 6 minutes of plot set-up
-Beastiality (**** opinions it's just creepy)
-When you realize it's a tranny porn
-Quick cuts, No cheating
-Lack of character development

What did I forget?

[nation]

10 min blow job scenes i mean cum on lolerskype!

[masherscf]

What did I forget?

Bad lighting

Poor photography

Hearing the directors voice on the soundtrack.

Realizing you've just seen the same series of thrusts from five different angles.

Dropping your load early and having to hit the pause on the way to the bathroom with your pants around your ankles.... so I've heard...

[tokenuser]

Moaning and groaning overdubs, with poor syncing.
Hearing a cellphone ringing in the background.
Dingle berries :rolleyes:
Pixelated naughty bits
Realising its your mom (joking mom ... seriously)

[kowgod]

The dudes.


Yeah... that pretty much covers it.

[disziplin]

Hmmm...

- Ass pimples
- Fat dudes
- Any attempt at actual "acting"
- Half-hearted lesbian scenes...don't do 'em if you're not into 'em!

and
- Ass pimples

[masherscf]

Tattoos that say "Eat at Joan's"

[ariastar]

Bad costumes and anyone in a rainbow clown wig

I swear, I saw one a few weeks ago in a clown wig.

How about renaming this thread "Bad Things That Ruin Good Porn that YOU'VE ACTUALLY SEEN"?!

Greesy chest hair barely covered with a stained wife-beater and tons of fake gold chains would ruin it too, but I don't know if any like this exist. But that clown porn?

And animated cat porn. I didn't actually watch it, but a friend's step-daughter's mother bid on some on eBay and Shell and I had a good laugh over it.

[ariastar]

Tattoos that say "Eat at Joan's"

What about one that just says, "Eat Joan"?

[masherscf]

What about one that just says, "Eat Joan"?

Well, I don't usually read directions...

[nation]

Dudes grunting really loud.. I mean chances are im not watching to hear the dude make noises..

Oh i once saw one were the dude was wearing pantywhos and high heels. It was also made in the 70's so it was awful..

[ariastar]

Well, I don't usually read directions...

Well no wonder....

[ariastar]

Dudes grunting really loud.. I mean chances are im not watching to hear the dude make noises..

Oh i once saw one were the dude was wearing pantywhos and high heels. It was also made in the 70's so it was awful..

Well fine, how about close ups of boobs? I'm not watching to see some chick's implants bouncing back and forth.

Wait, I'm not supposed to be watching this stuff....

[rockie]

Porn and Drugs are bad, mmmkay?
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/520/mrmackeylr1.jpg

[ariastar]

Porn and Drugs are bad, mmmkay?
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/520/mrmackeylr1.jpg

Maybe when taken seperately. No, together! Um, whatever. My toybox contains some green stuff, so, um, nevermind.

[disziplin]

Well fine, how about close ups of boobs? I'm not watching to see some chick's implants bouncing back and forth.

Wait, I'm not supposed to be watching this stuff....

Why not?

I love MY implants...I love implants in other woman, and I like real breasts...in fACT, breasts in general just tend to rule.

[weedhappy]

Maybe when taken seperately. No, together! Um, whatever. My toybox contains some green stuff, so, um, nevermind.

Oh Yeah! (Pumps fist over head in a circular manner) You go Girl!

(can you tell I was just watching Maury Povich? God I dislike him, not really hate, but ya just know that man is going to hell. He probably prefers Wafles to pancakes and Ninjas to Pirates. [shakes haed] got to feel sorry for someone so sick)

I love oregano... and after I partake in BOTH (or is it all 3? you know Sex, Drugs[is cannabis really a drug? doubtful, it's just a plant] & Rock & Roll {wowsers is that 4 things now? you know you can Rock and you don't have to roll, but if you roll up.. but I digress}) then I Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.

Memorable Quotes from
Half Baked (1998)

[tokenuser]

Oh Yeah! (Pumps fist over head in a circular manner) You go Girl!

(can you tell I was just watching Maury Povich? God I dislike him, not really hate, but ya just know that man is going to hell. He probably prefers Wafles to pancakes and Ninjas to Pirates. [shakes haed] got to feel sorry for someone so sick)We used to play "Spring Pong". It like normal ping pong, except you play it while drunk, and each time you hit the ball you call the other player a name ...

b1tch slutwhore****ot********* *****etc ...

Scoring is like a regular game, except you forfit the point if you can't say something original. Distracting the other players by throwing things at them, and ripping your shirt off is fine too.

Fun times ...

[rowlodge]

perfect babe and it's not there just another 100 catagories. but i'll give you a hint, try 2 or 3 times on the same pic.

[masherscf]

I'll second the guy that says bad A.D.R.

[martinsargent]

that is all.

[thegreatestmemberever]

Martin responded to one of my threads....muhahaha...net nerd bragging rights...

I'd also like to add...

when they try to finish up the storyline after the sex
extreme close-up of her ass...and she has ass pimples
southern accents on anyone
he does her from behind, and the camera stares at the guys ass
they show the guy putting the condom on
any type of trying to add the camera-guy into the plot (ex:"I just like to wathc, bang my friend")

[ariastar]

that is all.

That's why you buy.

Know what's better than porn? Going to strip clubs.

Too bad there aren't any male-strip clubs around here for straight people.

[thegreatestmemberever]

That's why you buy.

Know what's better than porn? Going to strip clubs.

Too bad there aren't any male-strip clubs around here for straight people.

Try going up to one of htose guys waiting in line for the new video game system. I guarentee you, they are all very lonely and depressed...prime for the taking.

[masherscf]

that is all.

Someone needs a Usenet lesson. No one pays for porn....

[ariastar]

Try going up to one of htose guys waiting in line for the new video game system. I guarentee you, they are all very lonely and depressed...prime for the taking.

Around here, they're fraking hot and already in relationships. Except for the weird ones who hit on me all the time.

[ariastar]

when they try to finish up the storyline after the sex

Story line? There's a story line?!

he does her from behind, and the camera stares at the guys ass

Better his than hers. Especially if something's up it.

they show the guy putting the condom on

If he's not pulling it from a box of Magnum XLs....

Well, at least they're trying to promote safe(r) sex.

[xibalba]

When ya are enjoying it and someone walks in on you while you are. I hear thats a ruins a good one

[ariastar]

When ya are enjoying it and someone walks in on you while you are. I hear thats a ruins a good one

My mom once walked in on my and my non-ex-fiancé having sex. She thought we weren't there and needed something from my room. So we said we were going to leave. Well, we didn't. So again she thought we were gone...and walked in on us again.

[xibalba]

My mom once walked in on my and my non-ex-fiancé having sex. She thought we weren't there and needed something from my room. So we said we were going to leave. Well, we didn't. So again she thought we were gone...and walked in on us again.

one of the few bad things about having parents heh

[ariastar]

one of the few bad things about having parents heh

Parents are good. You don't realize how good until you lose them. I lost my dad three years ago. Appreciate your parents.

[ariastar]

Okay, not let's get this back to porn. Teary moment over!

Who here has seen South Park episode about returning the One Video Tape where all the dads seem overly familiar with porn?

[xibalba]

Parents are good. You don't realize how good until you lose them. I lost my dad three years ago. Appreciate your parents.

I didn't mean anything bad by that...All parents do things that annoy/embarrass their children thats what I was talking bout. Mine are great

[xibalba]

Heres something that can ruin a good one. Watching it one scene ends a new starts
Two guys walk in on a girl they start talking. They start to strip and it goes straight to a close up of one of the guys pounding the girl but no sign of the other guy. Ya think well ok theres only one guy. Then the Camera zooms out and you see where the other guy is Pounding the guy pounding the girl.

That is quite distrubing. Unless your into that

[nation]

Oh shit son This is like updating like mad!

QUICK we need to beat geekdrom..

[kowgod]

Then the Camera zooms out and you see where the other guy is Pounding the guy pounding the girl.



They'd REALLY have to have their rhythm down...

[masherscf]

They'd REALLY have to have their rhythm down...

I really hate those pornos which breach the third wall. You know the ones, the camera zooms in on the chicks ass and then can't resist shoving in a finger or two.

[masherscf]

My mom once walked in on my and my non-ex-fiancé having sex. She thought we weren't there and needed something from my room. So we said we were going to leave. Well, we didn't. So again she thought we were gone...and walked in on us again.

Your mom knew you were there doin' the nasty. She just couldn't think of a better way to make you stop.

[thegreatestmemberever]

When I was a teenager, the goo ol' minimize, throw shirt over dick, and turn volume off realy helped me out alot...

[thefast]

- Shots of the guy's face

- Cumshots on anywhere other than the girl's face. The face is the only way to go!

- Anything that fails to include Buxomia, AriaStar, or DivaDawg

They're not things that I enjoy sitting through, but I just have to live with them I guess.

[masherscf]

- Shots of the guy's face
- Cumshots on anywhere other than the girl's face. The face is the only way to go!

I hate it when they knowck it into the woman's face. It seems so disingenuous.


- Anything that fails to include Buxomia, AriaStar, or DivaDawg


Suck-up!

[ariastar]

Anything that fails to include Buxomia, AriaStar, or DivaDawg

Your dream, eh?

[thefast]

Your dream, eh?

Besides creating a flash animation that has Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht as ninjas, hopping trees and fighting squirrels, yes, it's something that I dream about. Constantly.

[ariastar]

Besides creating a flash animation that has Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht as ninjas, hopping trees and fighting squirrels, yes, it's something that I dream about. Constantly.

I dream about dandelions!

[nation]

I deem this thread as epic win. Also im guessing its the sickest/best thread on all of rev 3 amiright??

[black-fox]

i think balls touching ruins a good porn, cause then they become gay and go at it leaving the girl unfinished....kinda sucks, i have seen it before.

[ariastar]

i think balls touching ruins a good porn, cause then they become gay and go at it leaving the girl unfinished....kinda sucks, i have seen it before.

Balls touching what?

[black-fox]

oops didn't finish what i meant to say

two guys going on a girl, and its not gay until balls touch, the balls touch the other guys balls, then it turns into a gay porn

dressing up usually does it....like world of whorecraft(an actual porn) worst thing ever and made even worse by crappy acting

"I need you to repair my clothes"

"Yar, thatll be 18 gold"

"I dont have that much, but i was hoping i could repay you with something else"

"Aye, and what would that be lass?"

*the night elf opens the pants of the pirate and goes down on him leading into a crappy sex scene*

also...crappy sex ruins porn