Self-esteem

[ariastar]

I think we all have times where it plummets. What do you do when it happens to you? Mine has managed to totally crash to below zero.

[weedhappy]

I've had some pretty low lows in my life. But once I get real low, some how, I can still get lower. I was getting so bored with college, so I joined the Army. First day of Basic Training was a Real WTF Moment.
Next moroning at breakfast I was thinking "Man This Really Suck! What was I thinking" when the guy across from me asks me "Do you think you can get out of the Army if you're an ONly Child?" When I got done laughing at him, I asked him "You did volenteer, right?" Then a Drill Sgt came over and screamed at me for enjoying my slef, and made me do push ups. Life Lesson Learned, as low as you think you are, someone is lower, and then someone will come over and scream at you. LOL

So I'm in awhile, I've learned a trade, then I get deployed to Bosnia. Nice place, too bad some real bad people F-ed it up for alot of people. Croatia is one of the lovelyest places I've ever been. Same peolpe tried to screw it up there. I've seen people with less then nothing, families killed... and such.
While in Sarajevo I was forced to volenteer at an orphanage, reall showed me what an uncaring person I'd been most of my life.

Big Life lesson for me was, when I get depressed, I volenteer anywhere I think may make the world a better place. It doesn't make me feel better, but it makes me want to improve the world. Take it as you will.

[ariastar]

I already volunteer a lot of time fighting for men's and fathers' rights. I don't know how to say this without feeling a fool so will just say it. My self-image is what's really low. Sometimes I feel ugly and fat and just awful. What I'm careful to never photo are the scars I have, and they're pretty bad. Not just scratch-like, but long and very thick and one is disfiguring to my abdomen. Constant reminders of some traumatizing medical hell I went through. I've still got medical issues like crazy, though no more that are critical. I feel my body is broken in so many ways. I don't see the hundreds I've lost or the battles I've won. Rather I see what's still wrong, what I can't fix, and then I basically punish myself for it.

My self esteem isn't low because of who I am as a person (I know I'm a compassionate, caring, wonderful person), but because of what I am.

I know I'm not the only person here who ever feels this way, so am hoping advice can be offered on improving one's self-image.

[wastern]

go to the gym. it usually makes people feel better afterword. make it a regualr thing

[weedhappy]

go to the gym. it usually makes people feel better afterword. make it a regualr thing

I mostly agree with that. Depends on the gym, you know?

Some are social crap places, and most have times when the ego-ists take over.

My favorite gym was the powerlifting gym I went to for a few years, until it got sold. It was a great place to work out, be nice to each other, and had very few judgers.

Running when it's dark (this time of year is perfect) in baggy sweat (also great this time of year) is an aweseom way to get in shape. Actually walking is best, but running is fast. I think you onlky need half the time (min 15 minutes with heart rate at 70% of max for age/sex/body-weight-ratio scale thingy. Wish I had a link, but with walking it's 30 minutes min. with a warm up period and cooldown after wards. So tac on an extra 5 minutes, for a total of 40 minutes, and you'll be well on your way to awesomeness.

The biggest trouble is motivation, so just remember Nike (the Godess of victory) and Just do it,.. (I'm not sure if that was her actuall expression or her worshipers) Anywho, getting start RIGHT NOW and you'll be looking awesome in 6 weeks.

Oh yeah, take your picture every week (like every saturday at 10 am or something consitent) and keep a chart or record of your workout no matter what it is. Feel free to chang it up, and try and keep it fun. MP3 players made working out outside so much easier and enjoyable, they weigh so little and hold so much info (And WHY am I tellign you the obvious, Sorry, I'm a jerk).
You'll see improvement in yourself in 4-6 weeks if you eat smart (you know, Small portions of everything that's not a green vegetable, and Lots of water throught the day. 2-4 fruit servings, fiber , yadda yadda yadda even small portions of candy for chocoholics. Thank God for the Hershey Kiss).

It's up to you, and only you can improve you (Points to everyone). and remember , enjoy life. Don't worry, work at it (whatever it is, most goals can be accomplished, if you actually do something about it, never over plan, just start doing something). XD

[tokenuser]

go to the gym. it usually makes people feel better afterword. make it a regular thingI am mixed on this. Going to a gym is not the place you want to be because of low self esteem of poor self image, but it IS a great place to go, once you get past that, and want to see a difference. Just the "rush" you get from a good workout is worth it, and weights are a great place to get rid of aggression - but I don't think it will work for Aria.

Aria - A lot of people have scars - physical or emotional, and have had life altering experiences. My step father died three times, and was literally "walking down the tunnel" before being revived, and turned him ultra religious (not bible thumping or holy crusader, but deeply religious for self understanding). I broke my pelvis, and fractured vertebrae in my lower back in a parachuting accident - still give me pain, contributes to my own weight issues because exercise is beyond uncomfortable for me, but I thank God (OK - its an expression, I am NOT religious at all) that the rock I hit on landing wasn't 1/2" to the left or an inch larger and that I can still walk.

BUT, as suggestion that might work for you (actually something I am also considering) is taking up martial arts, but it has to be the right form - something that is based on eastern philosophy (very "zen" and centred for internal healing and control). It gives you the advantage of internal mental discipline, and an avenue to physically take out your aggression in a controlled manner.

[ariastar]

The scars I have are from having my large intestine removed when I was 14. I've had nine open-abdonimal surgeries, so I look like something out of a slasher flick. My 21st birthday was spent in emergency surgery. With what happened that time, it couldn't be closed and had to heal shut on its own. Imagine looking into your abdomen and seeing your small intestine and being able to touch them. I kid you not. It took nearly a year for that to shut on its own, and it wasn't my last time being cut open. This is how I've spent most of my life. I've been dead twice, completely flat-lined for long periods, have had times where my temp is 107 for days at a time, my blood oxygen at below 60 for a week at a time, should technically have brain damage and the doctors suspect that I might, though one said that if I'm as intelligent as I am now, I'd probably be much more so were it not for my brain being deprived of oxygen while at 107 degrees.

I've done martial arts extensively, taekwondo and shotokan. Was almost at my black belt in tkd when I stopped.

I just signed up for ice skating lessons and will go back to ballet in January. I stopped a couple months ago due to fracturing my ankle, and it's really been since then that my self-esteem went down. Even though I wasn't a pixie, I was among the best in class and doing pointe work. And Fridays I used to do ballroom (salsa, tango, waltxing, etc.), and loved that.

My apartment has a hella nice gym, not one of those broken-down places you usually think of in apartments. Hell, for what I pay in rent, it had better be nice. And five pools, the Olympic sized one being heated.

[jonathanlondon]

Come to the Geekdrome picnic. We all love you there and you'll have a blast and return knowing that you have some kickass friends who think you are amazing.

'Cuz you are.

[ariastar]

Come to the Geekdrome picnic. We all love you there and you'll have a blast and return knowing that you have some kickass friends who think you are amazing.

'Cuz you are.

Aw, thanks! But funds are low (I'm going to be making myself broke trying to get a Wii), so can't make it down there. I'm in San Jose now. You have no idea how much I'm dying to go though!

[masherscf]

I think we all have times where it plummets. What do you do when it happens to you? Mine has managed to totally crash to below zero.

Hugs help. Hug your monitor right now.

[ariastar]

Hugs help. Hug your monitor right now.

I don't want to hug my monitor, I want it to hug me!

Hugs help if there's someone around to give them to you. :(

[xibalba]

Everyone seems to have some type of self-esteem problem some worse than others.
Me?, I just hate myself and don't care if I live or die. I guess I am alittle unbalanced in the head. No need to moan and cry about it though just the way I feel. If ya were to meet me in person I'd probably be one of the nicest people ya would ever meet not too many signs of looney person. Never have told anyone that stuff before though. Don't know why I am now I usally keep to myself. I suppose when people who are known to self mutilate call ya psycho and messed up ya might have a few problems huh?

[rabidbadger]

Jeeze. Here I am throwing myself a pityparty cuz I'm having a few financial difficulties that I know will work out in the end...

My God, I am staggered by the tests life has put you folks through. The adversity, and more importantly, the survival of you folks are a HUGE inspiration to me. I want you to know that sharing what you have been through, and continue to struggle through, are signs of your own personal strength.

You are what being "human" is all about. You are setting the bar for others, you set firmly for us what "priority" really means. And in this your lives have value, substance and meaning.


Aria, xibalba, WeedHappy, (and more importantly, your real names/souls beyond your screen names) You are inspirational: respected, and loved, by both total strangers on this web forum, and also by the "real" people in your lives. More than you can imagine. Despite the inner sadness that may creep unwanted in the lonely times.

We Love you and want you around for a long, long time.

[ariastar]

Jeeze. Here I am throwing myself a pityparty cuz I'm having a few financial difficulties that I know will work out in the end...

My God, I am staggered by the tests life has put you folks through. The adversity, and more importantly, the survival of you folks are a HUGE inspiration to me. I want you to know that sharing what you have been through, and continue to struggle through, are signs of your own personal strength.

You are what being "human" is all about. You are setting the bar for others, you set firmly for us what "priority" really means. And in this your lives have value, substance and meaning.


Aria, xibalba, WeedHappy, (and more importantly, your real names/souls beyond your screen names) You are inspirational: respected, and loved, by both total strangers on this web forum, and also by the "real" people in your lives. More than you can imagine. Despite the inner sadness that may creep unwanted in the lonely times.

We Love you and want you around for a long, long time.

*GIGANTIC HUGS* to you for this. Thanks!

[xibalba]

Jeeze. Here I am throwing myself a pityparty cuz I'm having a few financial difficulties that I know will work out in the end...

My God, I am staggered by the tests life has put you folks through. The adversity, and more importantly, the survival of you folks are a HUGE inspiration to me. I want you to know that sharing what you have been through, and continue to struggle through, are signs of your own personal strength.

You are what being "human" is all about. You are setting the bar for others, you set firmly for us what "priority" really means. And in this your lives have value, substance and meaning.


Aria, xibalba, WeedHappy, (and more importantly, your real names/souls beyond your screen names) You are inspirational: respected, and loved, by both total strangers on this web forum, and also by the "real" people in your lives. More than you can imagine. Despite the inner sadness that may creep unwanted in the lonely times.

We Love you and want you around for a long, long time.

Very cool indeed.

[masherscf]

I hate to get into a philosophical argument with people, so take or leave my opinion as you see fit.

I think self-esteem is over rated. People should like themselves and try and be better. But, some of the most awful people in history had very little trouble with self-esteem. Some historical megalomaniacs have self-esteem to spare but still manage to plan the murder of thousands.

I've often thought of the marvelous character from literature created by C.S. Forester, Horatio Hornblower. Hornblower was really a classic geek (not Greek) hero. He was smart but awkward. He very seldom made poor decisions, but was continuously riddled with self doubt. He regarded himself as a poor lover, but seemed to find women in every port. His men and his family loved him, but he always felt alone. Hornblower was fictitious, of course, but I find the example intriguing.

[ariastar]

I hate to get into a philosophical argument with people, so take or leave my opinion as you see fit.

I think self-esteem is over rated. People should like themselves and try and be better. But, some of the most awful people in history had very little trouble with self-esteem. Some historical megalomaniacs have self-esteem to spare but still manage to plan the murder of thousands.

I've often thought of the marvelous character from literature created by C.S. Forester, Horatio Hornblower. Hornblower was really a classic geek (not Greek) hero. He was smart but awkward. He very seldom made poor decisions, but was continuously riddled with self doubt. He regarded himself as a poor lover, but seemed to find women in every port. His men and his family loved him, but he always felt alone. Hornblower was fictitious, of course, but I find the example intriguing.

It's hard not to have self-doubt when you always try to do the right thing, only to be called a horrible person if things don't go so well. It's hard not to have self-doubt when you have trouble meeting people you click with and would like to turn into friends. It's hard to have self-esteem when you face another holiday season as alone as the ones before it while seeing others happy with their families while knowing you don't have one. It makes you wonder what you're doing wrong.

[rabidbadger]

It's hard to have self-esteem when you face another holiday season as alone as the ones before it while seeing others happy with their families while knowing you don't have one. It makes you wonder what you're doing wrong.


I'll be family-free again this holiday season, and though it is a bit of a bummer, I'm using the extra time away from work to take care of ME.

I'm gonna crank the iPod to eleven, dance in my underwear while occasionally sorting through long abandoned paperwork, suck down some of my favorite craft brews, maybe get a new pet for that "fresh new unconditional love" thing. Maybe pay a bill or two.

I'm gonna think funny things and laugh out loud and not need to care who thinks I've gone MAD, Mad, I tell you...HHHAAA haaaa haa.

I'm gonna drink lots of coffee in the mornings, and lots of sugarbuzz gingerale in the afternoons, and plenty of beers in the evenings. I'll be doggydowner and puppyupper for the following three weeks. But I don't care.

I'm going to enjoy myself. And by that I mean I am going to enjoy My "self."

Selfish?
Self absorbed?
Arrogant and egotistical?

Damn right.

But I'm the only "me" I got.

Try it. You'll like it.

Joel

[wyrmwood]

My self esteem isn't low because of who I am as a person (I know I'm a compassionate, caring, wonderful person), but because of what I am.

Very well put - most people I run across don't seem to grasp that difference.

Personally, I self medicate - from subtle extremes of a few days of random pill popping, to major extremes of multi-month binges sometimes ending in uprooting and moving out of state/country and starting from scratch somewhere new...

Ironically, making music heals me almost instantly, better than the best therapy in the world. Even just playing the piano, I don't even have to be writing, lifts me up and out and makes all of the sickness seem to fade away - but instead of doing that I almost always take the "self medication" route which is entirely self defeating... Funny how that works.

Recently I picked up a 10 year old copy of the Celestine Prophecy (http://www.celestinevision.com/) and read it again (randomly came across it) - has a lot to do with internal energy and self concept, you might give it a read if you have a chance. It's not the usual blind, meaningless self-help crap - think of it as einstein's grand unified field theory for the soul. Good stuff.

[ariastar]

I'll be family-free again this holiday season, and though it is a bit of a bummer, I'm using the extra time away from work to take care of ME.

I'm gonna crank the iPod to eleven, dance in my underwear while occasionally sorting through long abandoned paperwork, suck down some of my favorite craft brews, maybe get a new pet for that "fresh new unconditional love" thing. Maybe pay a bill or two.

I'm gonna think funny things and laugh out loud and not need to care who thinks I've gone MAD, Mad, I tell you...HHHAAA haaaa haa.

I'm gonna drink lots of coffee in the mornings, and lots of sugarbuzz gingerale in the afternoons, and plenty of beers in the evenings. I'll be doggydowner and puppyupper for the following three weeks. But I don't care.

I'm going to enjoy myself. And by that I mean I am going to enjoy My "self."

Selfish?
Self absorbed?
Arrogant and egotistical?

Damn right.

But I'm the only "me" I got.

Try it. You'll like it.

Joel

I like what you wrote. Maybe I'll go in to work...naked. I don't know, maybe keep up the tradition I started last year and go to San Francisco. Union Square is eerie, but peaceful, at noon with no one around.

[ariastar]

Very well put - most people I run across don't seem to grasp that difference.

Personally, I self medicate - from subtle extremes of a few days of random pill popping, to major extremes of multi-month binges sometimes ending in uprooting and moving out of state/country and starting from scratch somewhere new...

Ironically, making music heals me almost instantly, better than the best therapy in the world. Even just playing the piano, I don't even have to be writing, lifts me up and out and makes all of the sickness seem to fade away - but instead of doing that I almost always take the "self medication" route which is entirely self defeating... Funny how that works.

Recently I picked up a 10 year old copy of the Celestine Prophecy (http://www.celestinevision.com/) and read it again (randomly came across it) - has a lot to do with internal energy and self concept, you might give it a read if you have a chance. It's not the usual blind, meaningless self-help crap - think of it as einstein's grand unified field theory for the soul. Good stuff.

I've heard of Celestine Prophecy. Since I need something new to read anyway, I may have to pick this up today.