Hulk #5 - aka Hulk Plan 9 From Outer Space

[crippler]

Sometimes, something can be so bad it's good. Sometimes, it can be so horrible that it's spectacular. Jeph Loeb, this one's for you - Let's hear it for the boy, let's give the boy a hand.

Hulk #5 is the latest in a series that is quickly becoming the worst I've EVER purchased .. and I'm loving it. Whether it's the director of Shield having to go to Reed Richards for AV club help or the Red Hulk beating Thor to a pulp with his OWN HAMMER, I consistently had the same visceral reaction as I turned each page

Glance at great artwork, nod approvingly, wonder how often it is that I read a book and comment to myself on how much I like the colouring? (rarely)

Read.. make a face, lips twist up, sneer in disgust.
Shake head.
Re-read panel.
Laugh.
Keep going, repeat.

What I should really be doing is perhaps thanking the Red Hulk from protecting us. He's obviuosly now more powerful then almost any character in the Marvel universe. Throw off the yolk of the gods Hulkie! Smack down the Watcher's peeping Tom ways! We shall have NO MORE of their interference! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

This series is awful and I am quite happy to buy every issue just to see how bad it can be.

Hail to the King baby!

[gobo]

I turned to this point of view witht Hulk #5. I'm just revelling in the silliness of the whole thing

[labor_days]

He beat Thor?

Scans, plz.

[crippler]

Sorry, beat is the wrong word.
Um... how you say...
pw8ned?
made him his beyotch?
introduced him to his very own analyst/therapist?

So, no, not beat.

[crippler]

Here's one
http://www.comicboards.com/app/image.php?msg=thor-2008073023555155&att=Untitled-6.jpg&width=475&height=756

[luthor]

None of you have any idea how much this series hurts me to my core.

[zombox]

None of you have any idea how much this series hurts me to my core.

As a long time Hulk fan from Peter David's beginning run... I do. I really do.

Jeph Loeb is crap. I've never thought he was great, but this series, as well as the new Ultimates, has convinced me that he should have a court mandated order to never write comic books again.

As an aside, those who think that its shocking that Hulk beat Thor and that such is silly. Its happened a few times in the past. Characters win when it makes sense in a plot. WHat is silly is the way that he does it... by jumping into space and taking the hammer away? How inane. And why would he arbitrarily leave Thor alive when he's killed everyone else he's beaten? Rick is the new Abomination (maybe?) and that's silly, what sillier is that he's basically an uglier version of the Hulk.

[labor_days]

Wait. How was Red Hulk able to lift the hammer though?

Also, if Red Hulk is that strong...why did he use a gun in issue one?

This is distressing.

[gobo]

He could only lift the hammer in space.

[cam-]

Yeah he drags Thor by the hammer into space, where it has no weight and is...uh... liftable. Though why physics would affect a mystical object is beyond me.

Now, don't get me wrong, this isn't the greatest book, but I think it's doing exactly what Loeb wants. We've had years of Bruce Jones' pensive conspiracy Hulk stories, followed by Pak's Sci-fi adventure, an ill-fated "event" and now? A return to "Hulk Smash" type stories.

Not the most compelling, but it sure is pretty to look at.

[jimski]

Sometimes, something can be so bad it's good. Sometimes, it can be so horrible that it's spectacular. Jeph Loeb, this one's for you - Let's hear it for the boy, let's give the boy a hand. I certainly hear what you're saying; your description of reading each page reminds me a lot of reading the Iron Man "oh, the humanity!" page of #2, the last Jeph Loeb book I will ever buy. All of this is perfectly well and good... unless you actually like the actual Hulk and care about the character's "lifetime" arc. As much as I'd love to guffaw at the latest monthly clusterf***, all I can think when I hear a new issue has come out is

1) "goddamn, I wish I could read an actual Hulk book with a writer who gives a **** right now."

2) "another issue is out, and so the blot on 'history' that they will somehow have to undo afterwards gets that much bigger."

Sometimes, it feels like they reached a point with the Hulk where they decided they ran out of stories to tell and just went, "Oh, I don't know. Turn him another color."

It's been years since I even knew what the "Hulk rules" are. It used to be the simplest thing in the world. Mad = Hulk. Then, it was Night = Hulk. Now? When does he change? Does he still have multiple personalities? Is he smart or dumb? Is Banner in there anywhere? Now you add in this new red… thing… with his own set of rules and a mystery I couldn't care less about... There must be a way to get Loeb to go do something else.

[zombox]

I sort of agree, but what they did was ran out of stories using child-like, smashing Hulk. They undid all the character development that the Hulk had under Peter David and went back to dumb, smashie Hulk. That's bad. No one wants to read about a petulant child smashing things. In modern comics you have to have, gasp, character. Being dumb and smashie is not character. They need to go back to 'merged Hulk' or whatever term you care to use. Where he is smart and can engage in meaningful human interaction.

I certainly hear what you're saying; your description of reading each page reminds me a lot of reading the Iron Man "oh, the humanity!" page of #2, the last Jeph Loeb book I will ever buy. All of this is perfectly well and good... unless you actually like the actual Hulk and care about the character's "lifetime" arc. As much as I'd love to guffaw at the latest monthly clusterf***, all I can think when I hear a new issue has come out is

1) "goddamn, I wish I could read an actual Hulk book with a writer who gives a **** right now."

2) "another issue is out, and so the blot on 'history' that they will somehow have to undo afterwards gets that much bigger."

Sometimes, it feels like they reached a point with the Hulk where they decided they ran out of stories to tell and just went, "Oh, I don't know. Turn him another color."

It's been years since I even knew what the "Hulk rules" are. It used to be the simplest thing in the world. Mad = Hulk. Then, it was Night = Hulk. Now? When does he change? Does he still have multiple personalities? Is he smart or dumb? Is Banner in there anywhere? Now you add in this new red… thing… with his own set of rules and a mystery I couldn't care less about... There must be a way to get Loeb to go do something else.

[jimski]

I definitely think that Peter David-- or specifically forcing Peter David out-- was the thing that "broke" the Hulk in a way they haven't untangled in the years and years since. He was on that book for 12 years and actually explored and developed the character in a way you only can by staying on a book for a decade. When editorial in the bad old days came to him and said, "Enough is enough; time to make with the smashy," he took every idea he had come up with for future arcs, crammed them into an abrupt but moving finale, and left behind him a book that seemed to have done all there was to do. I came back to Bruce Jones' Hulk comics years later and had no idea what I was looking at anymore, and now obviously it's vastly worse.

[cam-]

I actually think that first year of Bruce Jones' run was great! He really brought out the Monster feel of the Hulk. But inconsistent art and an arc that went on and on without any further clues or hope of resolution got frustrating, you know, like the X-files.

Eventually we got a conclusion, but it had been so long it lost steam.

[jimski]

I actually think that first year of Bruce Jones' run was great! He really brought out the Monster feel of the Hulk. But inconsistent art and an arc that went on and on without any further clues or hope of resolution got frustrating, you know, like the X-files.

Eventually we got a conclusion, but it had been so long it lost steam.

I might remember it more fondly if I had stuck it out to the conclusion.

Jimski trivia factoid: in the past, I have thought, "I wonder how that Bruce Jones story ended. I always wondered who Mr. Blue was." I have looked up who Mr. Blue was many, many times. I forget immediately afterwards every time. It doesn't stick in my brain; I'm like the guy in Memento.

[cam-]

Well if you really want to know, assuming I remember properly............




Spoilers....




Turns out the Leader is bad and Mr. Blue was Betty. I think.

Guess you're right about how memorable it was :)

[zombox]

I actually think that first year of Bruce Jones' run was great! He really brought out the Monster feel of the Hulk. But inconsistent art and an arc that went on and on without any further clues or hope of resolution got frustrating, you know, like the X-files.

Eventually we got a conclusion, but it had been so long it lost steam.

I enjoyed the beginning of Jones' run, however... it got boring and it went way too slow. In the end it was a below average run.

[comhcinc]

not to be all fanboy.....no wait i will.

the red hulk could not lift thor's hammer. it's not a question of how strong you are but how worthy you are.

[conorkilpatrick]

not to be all fanboy.....no wait i will.

the red hulk could not lift thor's hammer. it's not a question of how strong you are but how worthy you are.

Maybe the Hulk spends most of his weekends at area soup kitchens.

[johnvferrigno]

not to be all fanboy.....no wait i will.

the red hulk could not lift thor's hammer. it's not a question of how strong you are but how worthy you are.

I think this was the thing that bothered me the most about this issue. Even more than the Rulk JUMPING TO THE MOON. Why would ebing in zero-gravity allow you to list the hammer? It's not GRAVITY that holds the hammer down, it's an enchantment of Asgardian magic. Strength means nothing. The Hulk, who is stronger than Thor, could not lift it in the past. Captain America, who is nowhere NEAR as strong as Thor, COULD lift it. I can't believe this issue got past editorial. Does Marvel just not care about the Hulk?

[gobo]

If I'm not mistaken the technicality about the hammer is you have to be worthy to "lift" it. Since you're in zero-g he's technically not lifting it at all.

Thor should change the spell to "wield" instead of "lift"

[comhcinc]

i don't buy that for one minute.

[gobo]

Magic is regularly held to the exact letter.

[labor_days]

No. I don't think I want to read this comic book series written by Loeb.

Thanks. I'm good.

[comhcinc]

Magic is regularly held to the exact letter.
true but i am sure this has come up before being that thor has had a run in or two out in space good reason to read old comics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beta_Ray_Bill)

[crippler]

I think all I was trying to do with this review was find out if anyone else ever purchased comics like they sometimes watched movies - searching out the intentionally bad. Hence, the many cheezy-yet-enjoyable movie quotes within that first post. I mean, have you watched ID4 (hehe, proof of cheeze in that name alone) since it came out? Good times!

I think the hammer discussion is pointless. It's no more inane then any of the other ridiculousness that's been happening in the book. I mean, punching out the Watcher: Does that make ANY sense? The unliftable (almost) hammer is a nice dramatic convention which can be broken when appropriate. The real problem is that this was in no way dramatically appropriate. It was just stupid. ie: Red Hulk, no wait, scratch that, ... RULK is so coooool that he can pick up Thor's hammer... and smash him with it! YAH!

What's next? Hitting Galactus in the balls with an asteroid?


p.s. Was the analyst/therapist line too much of a stretch, or are there no Arrested Development fans here?

[horatio616]

The thread title is hilarious!

Please, people, stop telling me how bad this is. I might have to read it.

I've been wanting someone to punch The Watcher in his big damn head for a long time. I would kinda like to see that.

[kahunablair]

That's the reason I'm reading it still, Horatio.

It's just so bad... it just might be good. I only started picking it up for the art. I'm a huge McGuiness fan.

Now, I think I'm hooked to see what the next crazy or stupid thing they make "Rulk" do.


What's next? Hitting Galactus in the balls with an asteroid?

...

Is it bad that I now want to see this? Is it bad that if I don't see it in the comic, that I now want to also draw it?

[crippler]

...

Is it bad that I now want to see this? Is it bad that if I don't see it in the comic, that I now want to also draw it?

No, it's not bad at all! I'd like to see it too!

Actually, as I think about it, maybe that's the next step for the Incredible Rulk. Think about it - he's beaten three very high powered guys in one day (green Hulk, the Watcher, Thor). Who could be next? In the Marvel U there aren't a lot of guys much more powerful then that group, are there? Who else could he take out? Let's hope for the Sentry!!!

[hank41]

with thor's hammer?...paaahhhh-leeeeeeze

[kevsname72]

Does it bother anyone else that watcher pretty much showed up to get punched? I mean what the fuck?! he shows up gets punched in the face, and then we never hear about him agian. This story combined with the ultimates just proves that Loeb couldn't give a shit less.

[georgexjr]

yeah the watch only shows up when something really big is going to happen. this isn't big...at all.

[hank41]

what else is he good for? besides hype

that's right- face punches!

[johnvferrigno]

I hate the Watcher soooooooooo much.

[labor_days]

What kind of person doesn't love Uatu?

Such a person is my enemy, surely.

[conorkilpatrick]

What kind of person doesn't love Uatu?

Such a person is my enemy, surely.

I know it's a cliche but I really want a Uatu statue to put on the top of my bookshelf so that he watches over my adventures.

[labor_days]

But Uatu is always Watching over us. Somewhere, beyond time and space, Uatu stands as the silent sentinel to our life adventures.

You don't need an idol. He watches and knows.

[kahunablair]

Maybe the Watcher showed up to watch himself get punched in the face. I mean, how many times have we seen that happen?

Exactly. It's a "once in a lifetime" thing. I think he pretty had to go.

I know it's a cliche but I really want a Uatu statue to put on the top of my bookshelf so that he watches over my adventures.

Funny thing is, I was eBay hunting for one yesterday.

[horatio616]

Maybe the Watcher showed up to watch himself get punched in the face. I mean, how many times have we seen that happen?



Did Red Hulk say "Watch this!" when he punched The Watcher? If not, he should have.

[kahunablair]

Not really......

http://www.uploadandgo.com/images/1_Picture 2.png

[conorkilpatrick]

Oy.

That page makes me sad.

[horatio616]

Err...The Watcher said "ow!"

This is like comics on crack.

[kahunablair]

I forgot the best part of that. The next page's first panel is Rulk saying "Nice view!" as he looks up Uatu's skirt/toga thing.

[kwok_talk]

Has Hulk historically cussed?

[crippler]

That's the spirit! Now, the question to ask is this:"Is Loeb in on the joke?" The book is selling really well. I refuse to believe that only the lowest common denominator is buying it.


It's funny that we've brought up the Watcher, because I have strange relationship with that character.
Tangential Uatu story follows.

I became a new homeowner 4 years ago. Nice little self-enclosed neighbourhood with only one entrance in and out. It wasn't long after we moved in that I noticed the creeping car. A red Mercury Topaz from two decades past. Moving at the speed of snail, it crept in a figure 8 around the two blocks, sometimes staying on patrol for long stretches at a time. It was driven by an elderly gentleman who lived on one of the streets and had nothing better to do with his time during the day.

Neither wind or rain or snow would keep him from his appointed rounds. Most days he drove, but in the snow, sometimes he would walk! Around and around and around, always watching. In no time at all we had dubbed him Uatu the Watcher. Surely, our little self-enclosed community could have no greater protector! Whenever my friends would visit they would enquire as to the status of Uatu and I would pull back the curtain to reveal his Watchermobile making it's slow patrol.

The winter turned to spring and our street filled up with new houses. It was a shock to hear one day that one of the newest houses had been robbed - during broad daylight at that! While the young couple were at work during the day, thieves had cleaned them out. The police were told of Uatu. Surely now the community's protector would spring forth to our defense! Sadly, I had forgotten something of great importance. The Watcher only watches. He does not interfere. The thieves had rented a truck, backed it up to the front door and kicked the door in. Uatu had seen them, stopped, waved at them and said hello... and then continued on his merry way. Every time he passed, he noticed that these 'movers' were certainly moving a lot of items OUT of the house..... So much for having my very own neighbourhood crime fighter.