View Full Version : Relationships Videogames and Comics
valoharth
08-15-2008, 07:08 PM
Well I guess Neb was right and this could use its own thread, a couple of days ago I was asking for Relationship horror stories about video games, comics, or anything that just seems nerdy. (still haven't gotten many valoharth@hotmail.com if you have any and don't mind me asking questions). Anyway I wanted to add more to this, this thread shouldn't only be about the horror stories but should be about the good examples, where relationships work because of geekdom. This is just an interesting topic for me and I'm planing on writing an article about this stuff (only the people who email me will be included in the article, nothing posted in here will go in my article unless you say its okay).
jasontodd
08-15-2008, 07:25 PM
I don't really have an unbelievable story or anything, but I'm 26 and have been married to a woman for 2 years now who doesn't understand or appreciate comics. She doesn't like nerdy movies, and hates video games (with a few exceptions like The Sims). I love all of these things.
I don't think you have to have the same artistic interests to make a relationship work. We have other things in common that make us work.
The only bad part is that when we have free time at home together, she gets mad if I read comics or play video games, unless she's watching some of the shows that she likes, and will go to another room.
Basically the only way I can continue these hobbies is by doing them after she goes to bed, and I work early in the morning. So, I have to sacrifice sleep to read comics and play video games. That's the only bad part about not sharing geeky interests.
optimus187prime
08-15-2008, 07:27 PM
Well I have been on record as someone who got their significant other into comics. She has definitely found what writers and plots interest her, so that she can now choose what series/books intrest her. No horror story for me except the occasional nag about playing video juegos to much.
valoharth
08-15-2008, 07:40 PM
So Horatio and I were having a conversation via twitter about how women look down on Gamers, he was making some good points and I was countering them trying to be a devils advocate (which I do a lot). Anyways the converastion boiled down to this: He was saying that the reason women look down on video games is because its seen as a slackers hobby, my argument was that it should be seen this way (I don't think it was very good counter argument though). Paper than chimed in with "I don't understand the problem. It's not like every girl has that opinion" and he's right.
Now, since I didn't want to eat up twitters and give everyone a head ache (I'm known for it) I decided to come here so we can all have more space.
But yes not every woman has this opinion, one of the biggest market for PC games is women gamers. Yahoo sees more females playing their online games than males; however, I'm talking more about the council games and such. Why is it a problem, well I think its just an ego thing with me mostly.
I'm at that age where I date, I'm no longer in an environment where I'm stuck around women who get to see me every day. Anyways, while on these dates I feel that I have to hide the fact that I do play video games, I don't want to but its there. I mean I won't lie about it, but I'm not going to come out and say it either. I don't want to be seen as childish by a potential S/O, granted if she sees gaming as childish the I should be with her to begin with. It boils down to stereo types, when one says "I read comics" people think of the fat guy from the Simpsons and not people like Nick Cage, Grant Morrison, or the Ifanboy nation. Comic book readers are though of as layabouts who life in the mothers basement who work at Dominos, not as actors, writers, or ambitiously interesting people.
The problem is I don't want to be judged because I play video games, read comics, or what not. I want to be judged as any other man, just because I don't play golf doesn't mean I'm no less ambitious, cleaver, or athletic as those guys. Same should be said about golfers, just because they play the game doesn't mean they are rich men who are ambitious, cleaver, or athletic. I think that saying "I play video games" or "I enjoy comics" should spark an interest and not a "oh" type of reaction.
But to be honest with myself, I do judge as well, it's something that I'm trying to work on.
Anyways I hope that makes sense, it did to me but then again sometimes I'm having half the conversation in my head and only letting people know a part of it.
*Just to make sure its clear, I'm talking about people refusing to date a person just because they have these hobbies. I mean they don't have to enjoy the hobby, they can hate it, but refusing to date a person just because they find enjoyment in an aspect of life is wrong. However, I can't blame anyone for not dating a person obsessed about a game. I've known people who ruined their relationships because they didn't know when to say "that's enough".
valoharth
08-15-2008, 07:43 PM
I don't really have an unbelievable story or anything, but I'm 26 and have been married to a woman for 2 years now who doesn't understand or appreciate comics. She doesn't like nerdy movies, and hates video games (with a few exceptions like The Sims). I love all of these things.
I don't think you have to have the same artistic interests to make a relationship work. We have other things in common that make us work.
The only bad part is that when we have free time at home together, she gets mad if I read comics or play video games, unless she's watching some of the shows that she likes, and will go to another room.
Basically the only way I can continue these hobbies is by doing them after she goes to bed, and I work early in the morning. So, I have to sacrifice sleep to read comics and play video games. That's the only bad part about not sharing geeky interests.
This is interesting, what are the things you have in common if you don't mind me asking?
dave-accampo
08-15-2008, 08:04 PM
Playing slightly off the Twitter conversation:
I'm only a casual gamer. I play mayyyybe five hours a week, and that tends to be mostly with my son (it's one activity where we bond).
In fact, the other night, I played an hour or two of games by myself, and i realized that it's the first time in AGES that I played a game by myself.
So, for me, it doesn't get in the way of anything in my relationships. And it is, in fact, a positive outlet for me and my son.
(contd)
dave-accampo
08-15-2008, 08:04 PM
But I think it's like anything else -- there's a stigma that some women have toward men who read comic books. However, if you're a well-rounded guy (or girl) then you really can just show that off. Anyone can obsess too much on anything, and that can be unattractive. As long as you have a well-rounded set of hobbies, women/men should be able to see that and see that there's nothing there to ruin the relationship.
(contd)
dave-accampo
08-15-2008, 08:05 PM
In my past relationships, I've been lucky to get people heavily involved in geeky activities. My ex-wife still likes comics and sci-fi. She'll play video games. My current girlfriend and I bonded over music and literature, but i slowly introduced the geeky side of my personality, and I've gotten her to read (and love) Sandman. She now sees that it's no different from other literature. Sure, she's probably not the type to run out and buy the new issue of Detective Comics, but she enjoyed The Dark Knight (movie). Last night at dinner, we talked about how we both loved Greek mythology when we were kids. I started explaining about George Perez's Wonder Woman run, and how steeped in myth it was. She became very interested.
(contd)
dave-accampo
08-15-2008, 08:06 PM
That's comics, of course. It's probably easier to get someone to realize that comics are like literature than it is for someone to understand that video games are a worthwhile hobby. But it's just that -- a hobby. A past-time! Some people play chess. Others watch re-runs of Cheers when they want to veg out on the couch after work. Others like to play video games. Hopefully, a little bit of communication can get this across and make it understood. But that only works if it's NOT an obsession. If it IS, it doesnt' matter if it's games or comics or stamp-collecting... it's gonna negatively impact any relationship.
(dammit, sorry about multi-posts -- Rev3 won't let me post it in one)
granted if she sees gaming as childish the I should be with her to begin with.
That right there is the most important thing to keep in mind. It's not like the first second you meet her, you say, "I play video games and read comics," craning your eyes, hoping she'll agree to continue the date. But if the "What do you do for fun?" question comes up, you should just be honest. Someone that respects the hobbies that you have is the person you want to be with. They don't have to love them, but if they don't judge you for them, then you're good. It's just a waste of time to get into some sort of judgmental trap.
From my perspective (and you lady forum goers, prove me wrong), part of the reason some women are still single is because they are so judgemental (and yes, men can be too, but I'm talking to a bro here...). Let me give you an example: My fiance was getting her nails done, and the person doing her nails related the tale of a date she was on. They were having a wonderful time, and things were going really well. And then the check came. The woman offered to pay her half of the check, and the guy said that that would be fine. According to this nail person, she was never going to call this guy, even though she liked him, because he let her pay. When my fiance asked why she offered in the first place, the nail person replied, "I was just being polite. He's supposed to pay for it." It's a bit judgmental, to write some guy you like off, because he can't read your mind or makes one mistake on a date that you generally enjoyed.
I only say this because my fiance is a perfect example of the type of girl we're talking about. She's not into comics, video games, or cartoons. But she is very open to my hobbies and doesn't give me a hard time about me wanting to do these things. She's also open to participating, occasionally joining me for a game of Wii Sports or Mario Kart. And I love her for that. But this is a reciprocated thing. There are definitely things she likes that I'm not into that I still do. And sometimes I have fun, and sometimes I don't. But I do it because she caters to my needs as well.
The real fulcrum of this whole thing is being respectful of people's interests and being open to being involved in them in some way. Relationships are nothing but give and take. In the dating scene, it seems to me that people very often are looking for that whiz bang experience, but really, most relationships form from some sort of open dialogue and a dash of give and take. And I think when this sort of perspective sinks in for some people, it's when they start having more fulfilling experiences with relationships.
People should only be with people that love for who they are. Not who they can be, could be, or be molded to. And sometimes, you have to accept certain flaws that people have (my fiance, for example, is a complete pig, while I have borderline OCD), such as reading comics/playing video games (if that's how a person views them), and look at what's amazing about them. The good can always outweigh the bad.
You can use this in your writing if need be Valo.
But that only works if it's NOT an obsession. If it IS, it doesnt' matter if it's games or comics or stamp-collecting... it's gonna negatively impact any relationship.
This is truth. I've had friends who've lost jobs because they wanted to stay home and play Madden. Another, in college, lost his girlfriend because he missed dates to play WoW.
patio
08-15-2008, 08:18 PM
Ouch. Way to hit a nerve. Just a couple of weeks ago my wife came out with this gem:
"How would you feel if I collected ponies and barbie dolls, and was constantly going to the store to buy more ponies and barbie dolls and went on websites to see what ponies and barbie dolls are coming out and to talk to other pony and barbie doll collectors online?"
Yikes! Now obviously there's a few potential answers to that, but all of them have pitfalls that eventually lead to heartache. So, y'know I shrug and agree to try devote more time to her and other pursuits.
It's a balancing act. I've cut my videogaming way back over the years, except that now that I have kids, I do get to play with them. Also got them into comics which is a lot of fun. So maybe my wife feels ganged up on now.
horatio616
08-15-2008, 08:19 PM
My fiance was getting her nails done, and the person doing her nails related the tale of a date she was on. They were having a wonderful time, and things were going really well. And then the check came. The woman offered to pay her half of the check, and the guy said that that would be fine. According to this nail person, she was never going to call this guy, even though she liked him, because he let her pay. When my fiance asked why she offered in the first place, the nail person replied, "I was just being polite. He's supposed to pay for it." It's a bit judgmental, to write some guy you like off, because he can't read your mind or makes one mistake on a date that you generally enjoyed.
In my opinion, a guy who doesn't know that you don't go dutch on a date doesn't deserve a second one. Dutch is something you agree upon once you're in a relationship. Never do that in casual dating, or you won't be doing much dating.
It's not about being judgemental, it's about having standards that you won't compromise. Some girls want a guy to take charge and take care of them. A girl like that isn't likely to be interested in a guy who lets them pay half on a casual date.
dave-accampo
08-15-2008, 08:23 PM
"How would you feel if I collected ponies and barbie dolls, and was constantly going to the store to buy more ponies and barbie dolls and went on websites to see what ponies and barbie dolls are coming out and to talk to other pony and barbie doll collectors online?"
Me? I'd be, like, "How awesome it is that you have a great hobby like that! Now you've got something to do while I'm reading and talking about comic books with my online friends!"
(I'm all in favor of everyone being allowed to have their hobbies, as long as no hobby consumes and isolates the person. You're right about balancing. As much time as it spent on barbie dolls or comic books or video games should also be spent on common activities.)
valoharth
08-15-2008, 08:49 PM
Obsession is the key, I don't think that many people realize how obsessed one can get, especially guys. I just kind of want to open up some eyes, maybe make people think about it a bit. I seem to be using WoW a lot, but its the one that seems to have the most problem with people canceling plans and not going out. I was that way when I played WoW, I don't really blame the game as much as I blame my self.
I think a lot of the time consuming elements of games come from how they are marketed. There's this machoness to video games where if you haven't beaten a game in a certian amount of time you're not a man... which is kind of funny. I guess that's where the immaturity comes in I guess, by not feeling like you're man enough you just show how childish you are by sinking time into beating a game.
The moment that I find I'm doing this I tend to drop the game anymore. What I did with WoW. A level 70 isn't as important as me enjoying life.
This is a really good discussion. I really love Dave's story of bonding.
dave-accampo
08-15-2008, 08:58 PM
I really love Dave's story of bonding.Being a parent changes your perception of these things, too. Even if you're so obsessed that you're canceling plans to play WoW, you would most likely NOT want the same for your son or daughter. You want them to have balance. At the same time, if the two of you bond while playing, it becomes a social activity (we play online games against my friend Jeremy [of Wormwood] and his son). So, the games are fun, but I'm careful not to let us play them for too long because, as a parent, I feel that would be unhealthy. So he keeps me in check, and we'll always stop at a certain point and go to the park or go swimming or whatever.
horatio616
08-15-2008, 08:59 PM
My ex-girlfriend or soon-to-be girfriend again (maybe) totally turned into a geek lover after we started dating. I got her watching my collection of subtitled Asian action and horror pictures and now she owns even more of them than I do. She eagerly awaits all the action and sci-fi movies as much as I do. She understands and appreciates Firefly and Serenity now even if she's not in love with it*. She bought a "I love my geek" t-shirt and is dying for her to take me to San Diego. I've only gotten her to read The Ultimates so far but that's only because she reads so many books that it's hard to penetrate her queue (har har!)
*She was baffled by my love of Serenity, which she watched first, but after she saw the Firefly episode "Our Mrs. Reynolds", she said, "ah, now I get it."
optimus187prime
08-15-2008, 09:23 PM
Sounds like you guys got it. I am very much a 'lay it on the table' type of person, so there were no mysteries when I met my girlfriend. Controlling obsession is the key. I like that my GF isn't into everything I am, it would be annoying waiting for her to read the newest Walking Dead so I can. I think your life/career goals have more to do with how mature a female see's you than your hobbies. Yeah if you DO live with your mom at 25, and have no aspirations to make something of yourself and you read comics, dont expect the ladies to be falling all over you. If you have your shit together and read comics, I cant see that being a deal breaker.
dave-accampo
08-15-2008, 09:45 PM
She bought a "I love my geek" t-shirt and is dying for her to take me to San Diego.
Oh, I've gotta get that shirt--! Do you know where she got it?
jasontodd
08-15-2008, 09:48 PM
This is interesting, what are the things you have in common if you don't mind me asking?
Well, we both have similar laid back personalities. We both like going to baseball games, eating out, we're both wine/ beer enthusiasts. We can usually find a movie here and there that we both want to see.
I just think that my hobbies don't rule me. I have friends that don't even know I'm really into comics... I have friends that I talk about dorky stuff with all of the time.
All of the geeky stuff I'm into influences me, but I'm not obsessed with it, and not as important as other things.
horatio616
08-15-2008, 09:48 PM
Oh, I've gotta get that shirt--! Do you know where she got it?
I'll ask her. She got it online somewhere. She's also got her eye on a "talk nerdy to me" shirt she saw on t-shirt hell.
optimus187prime
08-15-2008, 10:00 PM
Well, we both have similar laid back personalities. We both like going to baseball games, eating out, we're both wine/ beer enthusiasts. We can usually find a movie here and there that we both want to see.
NICE :D
horatio616
08-15-2008, 10:02 PM
Oh, I've gotta get that shirt--! Do you know where she got it?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/16974098@N05/1817204265/
http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk207/horatio616/amychest.jpg
optimus187prime
08-15-2008, 10:03 PM
I'll ask her. She got it online somewhere. She's also got her eye on a "talk nerdy to me" shirt she saw on t-shirt hell.
My GF has a "I love Nerds" shirt. I give her shit all the time like "Im a geek, so who is this nerd you love?"
NERD
1. a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.
GEEK
1. a peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, esp. one who is perceived to be overly intellectual.
owlboy
08-15-2008, 10:43 PM
Those "I Love My Geek" shirts are are on thinkgeek
dave-accampo
08-16-2008, 07:46 AM
Those "I Love My Geek" shirts are are on thinkgeek
Hah! Awesome! Ordered for the GF! Heheh, oh she's gonna laugh at this one...
dave-accampo
08-16-2008, 07:48 AM
My GF has a "I love Nerds" shirt. I give her shit all the time like "Im a geek, so who is this nerd you love?"
NERD
1. a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.
GEEK
1. a peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, esp. one who is perceived to be overly intellectual.
Guh? My definition of nerd comes from Revenge of the Nerds... which matches more of the latter definition. Who's making this crap up? :D
Ask 10 people the difference between a nerd and a geek, and you'll get 10 answers.
I've had this discussion with the GF, too. She sees a nerd as someone overly intellectual, while a geek is someone overly obsessed in pop culture (Star Wars, Comic books, whatever). Not saying I have the exact same definition. Just sayin' people seem to have a variety of definitions.
valoharth
08-16-2008, 08:29 AM
My definition of nerd and or geek: Someone who likes something and isn't afraid to admit it.
I actually picked that up on a G4 TV special. It was a good description.
optimus187prime
08-16-2008, 01:43 PM
I got those from dictionary.com, and before looking I thought the same as you Dave.
hank41
08-16-2008, 02:02 PM
Six nailed it on the head earlier. My gf isn't into any of that nerdy stuff, but when i told her, she tried some stuff out because i liked it and because she cares about me. i do the same stuff for her. i listen to bands i wouldn't have, and she reads scott pilgrim. it's all out of respect, and that's the kind of person you want to be with
llauranzoniii
08-16-2008, 03:35 PM
We have 2 kids in common and that's it.
Actually she's definitely only a 3 on the geek scale. But she does like to play Wii, she'll watch some superhero or comic movies with me. She liked Hellboy a lot and would've gone to see TDK but I went with my dad. She's kinda a geek in her own way. She does programming and stuff at work. She likes horror novels, mostly about vampires.
I've set up our bedroom with everything that is mine so that I can play xbox and ps3 on the 40 in, read, get on the computer, etc. Even have my little buddy, my son, come in and we'll watch movies, cartoons, read, etc together. I'm allowed to make him a geek. Not our daughter though, she's the princess.
Anyway, that's how it goes here.
In my opinion, a guy who doesn't know that you don't go dutch on a date doesn't deserve a second one. Dutch is something you agree upon once you're in a relationship. Never do that in casual dating, or you won't be doing much dating.
It's not about being judgemental, it's about having standards that you won't compromise. Some girls want a guy to take charge and take care of them. A girl like that isn't likely to be interested in a guy who lets them pay half on a casual date.
This is, of course, personal opinion here, but with the way that dating has changed, I don't feel bad for people like this. In today's world, you need to be open minded. If a guy goes dutch on the first date, go a second one and see what happens, especially if you like him. The standards one should have should judge a person by their character and the quality of their personality. Not if they go dutch or not.
optimus187prime
08-16-2008, 04:14 PM
I know some females that would be offended if they were not given the opportunity to pay their way. Whether they took it or not is something different.
horatio616
08-16-2008, 04:47 PM
This is, of course, personal opinion here, but with the way that dating has changed, I don't feel bad for people like this. In today's world, you need to be open minded. If a guy goes dutch on the first date, go a second one and see what happens, especially if you like him. The standards one should have should judge a person by their character and the quality of their personality. Not if they go dutch or not.
Dating's changed, but not THAT much. Your idea is great in principal, but that's not the reality of the dating world. All people have their own rules about the people they choose to date. For some people a crooked tooth is a dealbreaker, for another it's the dutch thing. I'm not going to criticize someone for having their own standards, because everybody has them. Try the dutch thing if you want, but don't be surprised if you don't get a second date.
Also, make sure your shoes are clean.
hank41
08-16-2008, 05:38 PM
don't have anything in your teeth...
don't talk about yourself...
explain Hawkman's continuity...
horatio616
08-16-2008, 06:41 PM
This is, of course, personal opinion here, but with the way that dating has changed, I don't feel bad for people like this. In today's world, you need to be open minded. If a guy goes dutch on the first date, go a second one and see what happens, especially if you like him. The standards one should have should judge a person by their character and the quality of their personality. Not if they go dutch or not.
Also, look at it this way: if you're dating and going dutch, then what the woman sees is a man who's already not worried about impressing her. She's thinking, "okay, how long before he's sitting on my couch in his underwear playing XBox." Fair or unfair, a woman in her late 20s and above is not going to waste time on a guy that doesn't think she's worth buying dinner for.
Of course, if you're in your teens or early 20s, a college student, something like that, then that's a whole 'nother ballgame.