Elding Parents

[frankiethewaffle]

OK I am Old I know that.

Yesterday, my Fathers' Doctors called me and said he showed signs of Dementia and or early signs of Alsheimers. They kept asking me if I felt if I was in danger of him.

Background, I have two Brothers. One hates Dad, the other seems to hide his hate for Dad. I mean I may be that stupid but He is my Father. I know my Fathers' faults. The Doctors seemed to try to force him being, I can't think of the word, Abducted by an ambulance, taken to a hospital for the exams and then to a nursing home. I vomited all night thinking about it.

I mean I have had my own experiences with Dad. He faced off and wanted to fight me. I put my arms behind my back and just looked at him. I am not going to beat up an old man.

I cook my dads meals, arrange his medicine arranged by Doctors, and insure he is alive daily. I can't take anymore. Any advice? anywhere?

[mikec]

I wish I had an answer. My dad was going along rather healthy for his age and then he had a major stroke and then we were faced with the decision of pulling the plug.

Are you religious? If so, maybe talk to someone at your place of worship.

Have you talked to the doctor? What about your own doctor? Since this can affect your own health, ask your doctor to see if there is any counseling out there for people who have this issue to deal with.

I remember mom talking about having a meeting with a patients rights advocate.

[tokenuser]

You're unlikely to find help in this type of forum.

Talk to your doctor - or your father's doctor - about finding a local caregiver support network. You are not alone, and there are resources in your local community that can help.

[mikec]

You're unlikely to find help in this type of forum.



Right now, true. But the younger folks can't deny that they will have to face this at some point.

[heyseuss]

Talk to your doctor - or your father's doctor -

Unfortunately, lawyer as well. Trust me, you want to do things a certain way leading up to and after.

[mikec]

A conversation at work made me think of this thread. A former coworker is dying from ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease.

If you haven't talked to your spouse and lawyer about a will or power of attorney, please do. You very often do not get a warning signal before something bad happens.

frankiethewaffle, I apologize for the slight hijack. If this thread makes someone prepare or plan for this type of event, some good has come out of this.

Good luck with your father.

[jmav]

If you still prefer to care for your father yourself it sounds like you need to find help, your burnt out. If no one else in your family can help watch your father periodically while you recharge your batteries I'd talk with your fathers doctor and see if you can get you in touch with a case manager. Typically these people are experienced nurses that have access and information on resources to help alleviate your stress. Depending on your personal finances and insurance (personal or medicare) the case manager may be able to set up periodic nursing home care either at no cost or affordable costs. I've even heard of organizations in some areas with volunteers that go to peoples houses and cook meals, clean, etc. Resources vary from area to area, your problem is a growing epidemic in the United States. So common, I finished nursing school 3yrs ago, its addressed in most nursing and medical curriculums. Hope that helps, good luck!!

[hellhound]

As a roommate of a guy who moved in his mother who was dying of combo lung and breast cancer for us to help and look after...
There becomes a point where it gets too much to handle... along w/ trying to work/have a job, to pay the bills, to keep the house, where U need to keep the parent..
He was on the edge of a breakdown (I did what I could but she rejected some of my help because I wasnt family).

He found some Hospice care for her where they'd send a nurse in for afew hours a day.. and when it got REALLY bad... she had a room at the facility to finish out her final days.

It really was heartbreaking. Her mind was gone from the cancers and the pain meds.. and when her son tried to move her to remove/clean-up the feces from her and her bed... she'd fight and yell out a "Bleh, Bleh, Bleh" (all she could speak)..He'd spend the next few hours in tears..

Dont put your family thru such things... if you can... make "end of life" legal decrees.

I cant afford the lawyers so only have a handwritten DNR (Do Not Resusitate/or keep alive in a vegatative state by machines) order,,,

I also tried to fill out paperwork to donate my body to science from an ad I saw on tv... but they needed to know the medical/scientific terms for every single ailment/operation I'd ever had... which is a barrier to the common man (who doesnt know medical lingo) to save the family the expense of funeral services (and also denies medical research the chance to cure something).

I hope everyone who reads this is either an organ donor or donates their bodies to science to help the living after we are gone.... instead of just feeding worms