A new day, a new job, an old breakdown...

[decemberfall]

Okay, so I started my new job this morning, so far it's pretty good, I still feel a little off from all the crap that's been happening and it's driving me absolutely insane that I don't have contacts right now (I know that sounds strange, but i've been wearing them so long it's like part of who I am) but I have an eye appointment Thursday at 5 to get my eyes retested so hopefully i can get new contacts soon! Well what's cool this week is that we get Friday off PAID for Good Friday, so that's cool, and casual Friday was moved to Casual Thursday :)

But here's where the old breakdown comes in, last night after I went to bed, I had this overwhelming sad feeling to the point of making me sick about Doug (the guy i was dating and then broke up with but we decided to be friends aka the bosses step son) I mean seriously, it was bad, i cried, I got sick, i was going to send him a message because I was hurting so bad, but it passed and I was okay, and fell back asleep, well the woman whos desk is in front of me, used to be a vice president at the company i just left and has known Doug since he was a baby, so he kept getting brought up today, which was okay cause it was all good things, but then when I got home, the sadness/sickness came back, and I ended up sending him a text:

It makes me sick what happened between us, I pray that one day you will forgive me, I hope this isn't the end, I absolutely know I don't want to lose you

it gave me the relief of knowing I have done all I could, it still sucks, I mean i have people go in and out of my life all the time, it's usually not a big deal, i mean i have people i saw and talked to everyday at my old job and were good friends with them, and it doesn't bother me knowing some of them i'll never talk to or see again, but with him, it actually hurts.

i know i'm crazy...

[electricalburn]

your not crazy, your human. stay strong follow your gut and your heart, not just your heart. good luck with the new job. hope it woks out for you

[acidburn]

You are not crazy. You got hurt. Totally normal reaction, I can promise you it will get better but it will hurt for a while.

[xibalba]

Hurting sucks but it does pass. I usally wanna hurt the person after it stops hurting but can't Ima just a big softy :(

[rabidbadger]

babe, all I can say is "ouch". the fact that the other woman knew the dude since babyhood is just one freaky weird, and awkward to say the least, coincidence. Be strong. This will pass. Pain optional.

[ariastar]

Honey, when I'm out of a break-up, I've found it helps to get as many dates as I can in as short of a period as possible. Just try not to isolate yourself. If you need to talk, I'm here, girl.

[rabidbadger]

Hurting sucks but it does pass. I usally wanna hurt the person after it stops hurting but can't Ima just a big softy :(

Yeah. We know. Can't fool us. Your next av needs a big smile. Say cheese... :rolleyes:

[decemberfall]

Honey, when I'm out of a break-up, I've found it helps to get as many dates as I can in as short of a period as possible. Just try not to isolate yourself. If you need to talk, I'm here, girl.
problem is i'm not good with social interaction anyway, and with just switching jobs, my whole life is in chaos, i'm not in any shape to go on a date, hell i'm freaking out at home even, everything is so far off that home doesn't even feel like the safe haven to me anymore, everything feels foreign.

[rabidbadger]

this might sound flippant, but I don't mean it to be. sounds like this upheaval is an opportunity. Grab it. Change it. Make it your own.

[decemberfall]

this might sound flippant, but I don't mean it to be. sounds like this upheaval is an opportunity. Grab it. Change it. Make it your own.
right now all i want is for something to feel normal in my life and stay that way, i just want to be at peace and have something stay the same for a little while, i want peace, quiet and calm, not to stir the waters anymore than they already are.

[decemberfall]

Does anyone else think Indiana weather sucks? Yesterday it was low to mid 70's and gorgeous t-shirt weather out, today it is like in the 30's and has been snowing most of the day.... I wish it would just make up it's mind!

So things i think are going a little better today. Up to lunch was really hard. I talked to the other new girl and she's having some of the same adjustment problems i am, so that made me feel a little better, and I talked to my supervisor about it as well, he was really cool about it and was telling me about how most people once they get into a position like mine usually stay for 20 years or more, it's a crazy thought! I even thought about going and visiting my dad on lunch just to see if it would make me feel better, but i just ended up talking to him the whole way to pick up my lunch and back, and that made me feel a little better. The afternoon was better, I told the girl i work with that I can't talk about Doug anymore, it just hurts too bad, and she was cool with that, so that will be better. We got trained a little on answering the phones and stuff today, so that was good.

I absolutely can't tell you how nice it is to have a job where you just go to work, and then when you go home, you're done, don't have to worry about getting called in, nothing, just go there, do your work for 8 hours (technically 7 cause we have an hour paid lunch) and then go home. I'm also excited because of having Friday off PAID, tomorrow is casual Thursday, so i get to dress like i did get to everyday at my old job, it's nice that I only have to dress up 4 days a week. I can live with that.

Oh and tomorrow after work, I get to go get my eyes checked and hopefully I can get a trial of contacts to wear until i get new ones in, cause seriously I think a major part of the stress i've been going through is due to the fact that I normally don't wear my glasses except for like of a night after I take my contacts out, some weeks I only wear them on Saturday and Sunday mornings before I get ready. But i've had to wear them during the week this week because i'm out of contacts, and it's seriously causing me some stress...

[electricalburn]

its spring not Indiana. stay strong

[magunwarrior]

Many hugzorz.

[lsman11]

btw, in my opinion, you cannot be friends with this person yet. i think the only way 2 ppl can be 'friends' again after dating, is if they both realized they wanted new things, and mutually broke it off, bam, no hard feelings, no sad feelings...

(thats from experience). of course, its def 'possible', but im pretty sure it takes a while. btw, sry your hurting of course, i've been down that road b4 too, just keep showing up to work on time and leaving on time... i wouldnt let bad timing and issues w/a dude screw up your potential for great career(s)

boom.

[rhett803]

I'll probably get flamed for saying this, and seen as some type of unemotional bastard, but you need to just get over it and toughen up.

Life is a *****, and it's not going to change. Use these little and insignificant problems to toughen you up and prepare you for the big ones.