Advice/input/whatever

[ariastar]

I am so goddammed tired of guys hitting on me. And it's not the innocent type. I've stopped going to Safeway during certain hours or the day because a clerk always asks me out when he sees me. A few days ago a guy was trying to touch my hair and face, getting too close, trying to hug me. I wear a big blingy! I actually wear an engagement ring to signal to guys that I AM OFF THE FUCKING MARKET (they just don't know I'm not engaged). Now a new friend (I don't think so anymore) I've known just a few days is wanting to come over and keep me "company" at night. I bring up Nickolay at every possible moment and then some. "If it doesn't work out with him...think about it and let me know." No. I have a boyfriend I love.

I grew up getting along with guys easier than girls because I spent more time doing sports stuff and camping and all rather than playing with dolls (though I did that too), and so spent more time around guys. But the advances I get are to the point of pushy. Okay, when someone's invading my personal space and making me feel sick, then it's beyond pushy.

In a typical week I get three or four major hits (defined as attempted personal contact, be it touching my hair or grabbing my butt or stroking my arm). And I get several minor hits as well (defined as verbal). This is why I don't like to go out on my own very much, especially at night. Frankly, I'm scared to. I'm scared that someone might one night do something really bad. I may not have the fear to the extent that I do if it weren't for Jeff forcing me to do things against my will for years. But combine that with guys getting physical (how can I forget Andre last summer...) and it approaches terror.

This stuff makes me feel dirty, and I want to hit anyone who says, "Well, if it doesn't work out with your boyfriend...." I would never even consider dating someone who said that, which is part of why I was attracted to Nickolay. Even when I was dating other guys, even when I knew he was attracted to me, he never once suggested anything. He made his interest known in subtle ways when I was between guys, but backed off completely when I was seeing anyone at all, and he let me make the moves after Zane. That's called RESPECT, which almost every other guy seems to lack.

Am I overreacting by considering carrying pepper spray? How do I handle it when guys hit on me to this extent? When I get home, I just want to shower in acid to get rid of all my skin and cry. There's a reason I'm wearing skirts down to my ankles and pants these days, and even that still seems to attract them. I don't want to dress frumpy and ugly, but I'm so uncomfortable with guys not respecting my personal space.

[phatlip12]

I am so goddammed tired of guys hitting on me. And it's not the innocent type. I've stopped going to Safeway during certain hours or the day because a clerk always asks me out when he sees me. A few days ago a guy was trying to touch my hair and face, getting too close, trying to hug me. I wear a big blingy! I actually wear an engagement ring to signal to guys that I AM OFF THE FUCKING MARKET (they just don't know I'm not engaged). Now a new friend (I don't think so anymore) I've known just a few days is wanting to come over and keep me "company" at night. I bring up Nickolay at every possible moment and then some. "If it doesn't work out with him...think about it and let me know." No. I have a boyfriend I love.

I grew up getting along with guys easier than girls because I spent more time doing sports stuff and camping and all rather than playing with dolls (though I did that too), and so spent more time around guys. But the advances I get are to the point of pushy. Okay, when someone's invading my personal space and making me feel sick, then it's beyond pushy.

In a typical week I get three or four major hits (defined as attempted personal contact, be it touching my hair or grabbing my butt or stroking my arm). And I get several minor hits as well (defined as verbal). This is why I don't like to go out on my own very much, especially at night. Frankly, I'm scared to. I'm scared that someone might one night do something really bad. I may not have the fear to the extent that I do if it weren't for Jeff forcing me to do things against my will for years. But combine that with guys getting physical (how can I forget Andre last summer...) and it approaches terror.

This stuff makes me feel dirty, and I want to hit anyone who says, "Well, if it doesn't work out with your boyfriend...." I would never even consider dating someone who said that, which is part of why I was attracted to Nickolay. Even when I was dating other guys, even when I knew he was attracted to me, he never once suggested anything. He made his interest known in subtle ways when I was between guys, but backed off completely when I was seeing anyone at all, and he let me make the moves after Zane. That's called RESPECT, which almost every other guy seems to lack.

Am I overreacting by considering carrying pepper spray? How do I handle it when guys hit on me to this extent? When I get home, I just want to shower in acid to get rid of all my skin and cry. There's a reason I'm wearing skirts down to my ankles and pants these days, and even that still seems to attract them. I don't want to dress frumpy and ugly, but I'm so uncomfortable with guys not respecting my personal space.

No problem carrying pepper spray in my eyes; as long as you don't carry a concealed fire arm (that last park was a joke pertaining to another thread). ;)

When a guy gets pushy put him in his place. Don't be afraid of coming off as being a "biotch"(I thought we turned this damn language filter off). But you also shouldn't over react. If it's mild then let it slide, but if it bothers you then do what you have to do. Personally, if another dude came up to my girl trying to touch her face and hair I would knock his lights out. So when Nickolay isn't there to do that for you...bust out the pepper spray! :)

[magunwarrior]

Or like a femaledogin' long sword.

I kid I kid.

But yeah, Like Phatlip said, just put them in their place in some way or another.

[keithldick]

Get either a T-Shirt or Baseball Cap that says: "I'm Taken, Get Over It!"...

And wear it every time you go out...

[ericjosepi]

Ring + left hand + 3rd finger. You're off the market.

[magunwarrior]

Ring + left hand + 3rd finger. You're off the market.

I actually wear an engagement ring to signal to guys that I AM OFF THE

She does Eric...

[ariastar]

IN fact, the ring is hard to miss.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a386/ms_erie/RCT1016_300_1.jpg

[xibalba]

Turn it around and smack them they would get the point then.

[tokenuser]

"Get your hands off me you dirty ape!"

"How about we call your manager over, so he can hear me say no as well."

"Sure, come on over tonight ... but do you mind if I invite my friend <insert name> over as well? I think he might be just your type. We could even go on a double date next weekend, just Nick and I, and the two of you - I think you'd really make a cute couple."

Failing that ...

http://www.officerstore.com/store/products/20070119042937_Photo2.jpg (http://www.officerstore.com/store/product.cfm/pid_5241_taser_c2_with_led_light_and_laser_sight_p re_order_now_/)

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[ariastar]

My mom has a taser. :) I wonder if it still works.... From her days doing home-health when we were in Modesto. Woman alone going to houses.

"Sure, come on over tonight ... but do you mind if I invite my friend <insert name> over as well? I think he might be just your type. We could even go on a double date next weekend, just Nick and I, and the two of you - I think you'd really make a cute couple."

I like that! I'm not assertive enough for the other lines. Believe it or not, in person I tend to conduct myself as a lady. That's why I look good to boyfriends' parents and such. Courtesy and all. I may come across as a flirt on here, but in person, I'm far more likely to dress in work-appropriate clothing every day of the week, weekends included. So nothing overly sexy.

I especially hate it when guys try to make it out like I owe them something for them talking to me, like they're such prizes that I owe them a night in the sack to repay their interest. It's sick! I am NOT some two-bit wrote. But this treatment sure makes me feel that way. Part of why I like going places with Nickolay is that no one would dare (okay, one person did) to try hitting on me. But that one guy who did was more playful and still respectful, so we were okay with him. He acknowledged I have a boyfriend and made NO Lines about, "Well, if it doesn't work out...." Let Nickolay know he's lucky and all that.

Playful flirting = okay
Invading my personal space and touching me = GO TO HELL!!

[xibalba]

If they touch you call the cops have them arrested and then sue them for sexual harrassment.

[phatlip12]

This looks like a job for...

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDA!!!!

http://images.southparkstudios.com/media/images/306/306_enter_the_panda.gif

[ariastar]

If they touch you call the cops have them arrested and then sue them for sexual harrassment.

Like they'd stay around? I wish, so that they COULD be arrested and learn to not touch people.

[ariastar]

This looks like a job for...

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDA!!!!

http://images.southparkstudios.com/media/images/306/306_enter_the_panda.gif

When Nickolay and I started dating, being co-workers, we went veeeeery slowly with letting it be known at work, and cleared it with the much-higher-ups in writing. Just so nothing could be taken the wrong way, like him putting his hand on my waist. With the letters, it'd be clear that we're dating, so touch-contact is allowed. We're not inappropriate though.

Heh, next time someone tries something at the store, I think I will get management. I'm hesitant to go to the store during the day because of this.

And now the mechanic working on my car is starting to do the, "Well, if it doesn't work out with your boyfriend..." deal. Like I'd date a 40-year-old dad going through child support issues in court. I'll never date a single father again unless he had sole custody and the mother was no where to be found. Don't need that drama. In fact, I'm so happy in the relationship I'm in now, I hope it doesn't ever end. Problem solved.

But why, oh why, do some guys seem to think it's okay to put your hands on someone? Even when shaking hands, you offer and wait for it to be taken back. You don't grab a person's hand at their side because they might not want to touch you!! Etiquette even actually states that a man is not to offer his hand first to a woman, that he is to wait for her to offer first. I'm not asking for guys to go that far. Just don't touch me or my body without asking. In fact, don't ask. Don't ask to hug me. The most to do is to offer a handshake. If I want to hug, I'll initiate. What guy is uncomfortable with a girl he doesn't know suddenly hugging him? Not many. What girl is uncomfortable with a guy she doesn't know suddenly hugging her? Almost all.

[masherscf]

When Nickolay and I started dating, being co-workers, we went veeeeery slowly with letting it be known at work, and cleared it with the much-higher-ups in writing. Just so nothing could be taken the wrong way, like him putting his hand on my waist. With the letters, it'd be clear that we're dating, so touch-contact is allowed. We're not inappropriate though.

I must be an old fart. Even if I knew coworkers here dating, I would find it unprofessional if they displayed affection in the work place that would be uncommon among coworkers. Even if those coworkers were married.

My wife and I worked together in the same office for a year before we got married. It was well understood that we were engaged and we invited coworkers to the wedding. However, we never acted as anything other than coworkers while at work. No touching, no verbal references...nothing.

Proper displays of affection can change from family to family, I think your putting yourself out for a sexual harassment suit just by displaying any unusual or unprofessional physical or verbal affection at all. If you read the sexual harassment policy closely, you might find that creating a hostile environment from acts of even an innocent sexual nature violates the policy.

It's not enough that you and Nick consider the behavior appropriate. All the crazies at work have to go along with you.

Be careful at work, thats all.

[ariastar]

I must be an old fart. Even if I knew coworkers here dating, I would find it unprofessional if they displayed affection in the work place that would be uncommon among coworkers. Even if those coworkers were married.

My wife and I worked together in the same office for a year before we got married. It was well understood that we were engaged and we invited coworkers to the wedding. However, we never acted as anything other than coworkers while at work. No touching, no verbal references...nothing.

Proper displays of affection can change from family to family, I think your putting yourself out for a sexual harassment suit just by displaying any unusual or unprofessional physical or verbal affection at all. If you read the sexual harassment policy closely, you might find that creating a hostile environment from acts of even an innocent sexual nature violates the policy.

It's not enough that you and Nick consider the behavior appropriate. All the crazies at work have to go along with you.

Be careful at work, thats all.

We limit any physical contact to after 5pm, when even beer is allowed. Hell, the company sponsors Beer Bash Fridays! :) Our co-workers are encouraging and one of the VPs even made sure Nickolay remembered it was Valentine's Day (he hadn't forgotten, but Roman wanted to make sure :)). It goes no further when people are around until at least 8pm. And I don't mean sex! I mean a hug or something.

[masherscf]

We limit any physical contact to after 5pm, when even beer is allowed. Hell, the company sponsors Beer Bash Fridays! :) Our co-workers are encouraging and one of the VPs even made sure Nickolay remembered it was Valentine's Day (he hadn't forgotten, but Roman wanted to make sure :)). It goes no further when people are around until at least 8pm. And I don't mean sex! I mean a hug or something.

I probably don't have to lecture you on how screwy people can be. ;)

[ariastar]

I probably don't have to lecture you on how screwy people can be. ;)

LOL, clearly you don't know my co-workers. :) When we had the guy here from Russia, my boyfriend and some of his buddies got the guy so stoned he passed out. It's not exactly quiet at work and still no one cares. :) As long as we do out jobs well, the rest is cool!

[phatlip12]

LOL, clearly you don't know my co-workers. :) When we had the guy here from Russia, my boyfriend and some of his buddies got the guy so stoned he passed out. It's not exactly quiet at work and still no one cares. :) As long as we do out jobs well, the rest is cool!

Coke used to be the drug of choice at my work (not done by me of course). Beat THAT! LOL

Thats the restaurant business for ya...