One after the other, Martin Sargent's shows-on television, on cell phones, and online-have been brutally cancelled. When his most recent effort, Infected by Martin Sargent, was axed by Revision3 CEO Jim Louderback, Martin finally cracked. At the show's final taping, Martin doused himself in... Read More
Martin gets to the bottom of baseball's steroid and HGH controversy in today's Lil' Internet Superstar.
It took me a while, but I finally figured out why Congress has been on the attack against baseball players regarding the use of performance enhancing drugs.
It's because they don't want to deal with all the other nut jobs out there who are juicing themselves up to the gills.
Guys like this.
Think if congress had called him up to the hill to testify about his usage of steroids or HGH.
During questioning, he would have stripped shirtless and started caressing his beefy lats and pecs, eventually forcing Senator Arlen Specter to knee and run a liver spotted hand over his bulging roid back.
He'd then launch into an impassioned speech praising the advanced size of his own nipples.
Overcome with a swelling pride and waves of roid aggression, he would then break free of his chair restraints and a team of 14 electric prod wielding handlers and proceed to go wilding across the National Mall ripping up trees, kicking over various memorials and forcing fanny pack wearing tourists from the heartland to touch his back, nipples and groin.
In short, it wouldn't go over very well.
Much easier to just subpoena Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte. They don't talk much and they're much easier to boss around and intimidate. And there's not much of a chance Roger Clemens or any other baseball player is going to defile our proud congressional leaders by making them stroke their nipples on CSPAN.
Have a nomination for an Internet Superstar? Send it to martin at revision3 dot com.