Murderous Dutch Robots
Well, it appears that in this year of our Lord 2008 there are many things that threaten this great nation of ours and our proud way of life.
Terrorists, constant war, the mortgage crisis, American Idol scandals... and now, as this internet video will attest... we have to worry about another threat... The Dutch.
That's right, the Dutch.
Who are the Dutch? What do they stand for? Well, I don't know anything about that. What I do know I learned from this video and it isn't pleasant.
Apparently they have a guy over there name Theo Jansen who can make machines walk using only the wind.
How does he do it? Well, I think it's pretty clear he uses Dutch Magic. Black Dutch Magic.
And these Dutch, they apparently have no qualms about letting this black wizard Theo Jansen unleash his horrible, unholy machines upon their beaches and countryside where they are set free to roam like so many wind-walking magical death hounds of hell, ravening for human souls.
And human souls they shall undoubtedly have...but as long as Martin Sargent has anything to say about it, those souls will remain Dutch souls.
You see, I'm a simple man. I might not know a great deal about science or math or other things that are complicated or require reading and study, but I goddamn know one thing for certain: The day we let these Satan loving Dutch bastards bring their hell machines to our shores is a day we Americans will rue forever.
We must remain vigilant. We must never let down our guard. I propose we build a wall between us and the Dutch to keep these satanic walking machines from storming across our shared border.
That's why I'm making these machines and this Theo Jansen today's internet superstars... to raise awareness as to the terrible threat that is the black sorcery of the Dutch. Let's keep them AND their magical walking machines where they belong... in Dutch..Land.
Have a nomination for an Internet Superstar? Send it to martin at revision3 dot com. And be sure to catch the full-length version of this show. A new one premieres every Wednesday, right here on Revision3.