Why We Can't Win The War

Lil' Internet Superstar

Why We Can't Win The War

A shocking new piece of video footage proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that we cannot win the war in the Middle East.

I'm a proud American, always have been. I support our troops. Hell, I'd be over there myself if it wasn't for this trick hip of mine.

But some video I found recently on Internet has illustrated to me a terrible and shocking truth: We cannot win this, or any, war in the Middle East.

No friends, it has nothing to do with our commitment, the Surge, troop armor, or anything else. It has only to do with the fact that these folks we're tangling with over there apparently just flat out don't give a shit.

Observe this video of Saudi youth skating down the highway wearing nothing but plastic flip-flops.

Notice the pure sense of what I call "fuck it all" that they demonstrate, swooning and dipping with abandon as they careen down some sort of a highway interchange, white robes rippling in the 85-mph breeze.

Holy shit people! These guys really don't give a fuck.

They make the Jackass crew look like conventioneers at a life insurance conference.

How do you scare people who skate down a highway on plastic Birkenstocks for fun? The answer is, you don't. You just walk the fuck away.

And that's why this wild crew are today's Internet Superstars. Thanks for clearing that up for us, guys. We'll see you in a couple more hundred years, if I have anything to say about it. And don't blow a tire.

Got a nomination for an Internet Superstar? Send it to martin at revision3 dot com.