I've been doing my research, and from what I can gather the United States Gymnastics team is woefully unprepared to take on the rest of the world this summer over there in Red China.

I mean, look at this urine soaked display of athleticism and listen deafening silence of disappointment from the amassed onlookers:

Video: Gymnastics tumbling disaster

That's not even going to win us a shit brown medal, let alone the gold.

And then there's this hard-charger, who not only won't bring home a medal, but may well spend the rest of her life in traction

Video: Gymnastics balance beam accident

Get up, you sissy! What would Kerry Strug say?

With these kinds of performances, we're in danger of replicating the sorrowful performance of 1988 in Seoul. Remember this?

Video: Gymnastics vaulting pain

Take it from me, as someone who has never excelled at anything in my life, that our gymnasts better start practicing a little harder, or they run the risk of not only shaming this great nation, but also ending up a sad, bitt er, awful failure like me.

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