Mature Porn, Guns and Getting Pregnant
Sunday, October 11th, 2009 running time 10:47
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on pornography, drunk women, guns, and masturbating.
Segments
Seven nights a week, RooftopComedy.com records live stand-up comedy all around the world and brings you the best of it. These are our favorite jokes about pornography, drunk women, guns, masturbating, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff. I'm sure you have some hilarious jokes about that stuff too, but trust me, this is better. For more jokes that are better than yours, head over to RooftopComedy.com.
Comedians: Pat Dixon, Dave Thomason, Jamie Kilstein, Dustin Ybarra, Paul Lakamp, Joe List, Amber Preston, Dan Cummins, Kathleen Dunbar, Sammy Obeid
Highlights
Automatically Generated Transcript
May not be 100% accurate" Nobody wants to be divorced nobody except like 50% of all married couples."
" It's always 50% if they wanna create a divorce -- that is what this does this make divorce illegal. And to make the penalty that."
" And that would bring -- divorce rate down to like 40%."
" I."
" Yeah yeah. -- importantly right for you. -- and I was looking and and then there's categories are categories. When the categories was mature corn -- well that must be from me that."
" I'm mature -- it. I don't wanna -- immature immoral possible dinosaurs public Oscar."
" It's likely on it and people aren't exactly. Don't fall quarter. You -- get turned on when you -- and New Zealand in their -- like. Scenes horse. And negative -- into the inside this."
" Place your comment Julia to be here I've only been in town for like two days of here's worries and I'm glad to be here I just read a newspaper article. But right now. As we speak. There's a city in Texas. That trying to make it legal. More retarded people. To own guns. Laughed and thank you that is the -- response like. We're trying to be polite but you're correct like holy because the judges and the courts they agreed with you -- people they were like -- know who. No yeah. But here's the twist. A bunch of republic -- in Texas they started to protest. I would watch them on the news and you're talking about how the founding fathers of America. We want everybody. Own -- that's right it's I was watching them on the news and they were protesting that -- and -- were chanting they were saying the founding bothered to be astonished. The founding fathers to be astonished. -- what else -- would just out of the founding fathers the Internet. Women voting. And white people doing their own -- jury that right. Room for a bit of a curve ball this --"
" Don't go to school now bullies -- so -- got to keep your hasn't put on YouTube and you go all their parents already know you guys are asking yeah. You go man like my my windows media thank -- prize got 42000 hits."
" You're absolutely let viral congratulates. Him."
" My name is retailer. I'm going done -- button. Very domain name that goodies that come has available. Good. -- look at that. I ran out of -- So -- and make an impact on -- Good outcome has that you need dot com names as low as 189 plus. World class hosting fancies a -- said letters and -- pull out more be sure check a revision3.com. -- godaddy for huge discounts for the -- godaddy deals. And -- What. -- button fly. Sorry to."
" I'm not good editing thing -- sports are building and you know -- and anything. About it didn't dead now. Afraid to omitted because I had complaints. Women complain that it only lasted five minutes. Other behind the guys film that. I deeper now. Our."
" Hollywood shifts Hologic high heels and that's exactly right -- doesn't see -- yeah yeah. Assessing the beginning of the 9 read like 9 o'clock in the gonna in the guerrilla movements -- calf muscles may have. And then overnight we do face of bouncing a high heels is not quite as sexy right. Severely really do everything right eyed Susan Allen also does everything well. -- And you judge -- at some point tonight. Is that Franklin Delano Roosevelt none of the -- find here is whether -- services. How we get this thing FDR to -- this is only and it really of the June him. Sometimes girls take their shoes off and walked barefoot is their feet hurting feelings are gonna remove. Maybe in Wisconsin is okay I live in New York City not nearly as okay goes like on the she's been on welfare but -- that -- to my house when we go to the hospitals he had an aids test. If you're walking barefoot in New York City. The homeless guy eating a pigeon he was like hey just kind of grossly -- you know that. --"
" I'm outside it I would tell you or my friends are getting pregnant on purpose. But parents right -- to have babies. I think we'll have children and I just -- futures you know and unless there's an accident. -- Aren't you the kidney that yeah. I'm after the baby it is their current strength pain. Followed don't feel bad if I needed it -- me I would totally it stones."
" My girlfriend loves watching sex in the city. And hits such a kitchen help. I mean I love it and we Netflix we can watch like every episode every night for ever. Tickets grade girls -- Netflix you got ran over a 100000 titles online including lots of Blu-ray movies with free shipping both ways to your home. They now have over forty shipping centers almost all deliveries happen just one business day. The Netflix plans start from 499. As a new member you get a no risk two week free trial membership. Check it out at www. Netflix.com. Slash drop off. Somebody kill me."
" I was married her longtime great person is -- a lot in common. You know like meals sensible things. I really like to eat meat she's a real vegetarian. I -- real some amazed how many people think they're vegetarians are wrong. It's ridiculous that they are vegetarian do -- find sometimes -- and -- check it. I don't think you're not a deterrent at all -- was -- as a liar. Enjoy your chicken and help. And I do -- happy to have a stake and just never have a stake again how. And I say that as a strange meat eater I don't really like the taste of beef are his hate -- so much. But make it for moral reasons. Just feel so good knowing him more than her dying."
" Yeah -- it right here it's all right want to know. Revelation won't pick go to the -- before I left Vegas went to this fact got that bikini wax you know. We're gonna laugh and she don't -- know Dan McKinney went -- yeah. But young pitchers got little v.s. I'm mold I got a W. Like all of my George W. Bush."
" I'm really kind of politics. Items and my friends talk from environmentalists friend. Sox."
" Like the polar bears have feelings too. The polar bears are just like people. When ice caps melt when they gonna go."
" Michael -- are just like people officer of the polar bears will -- here today. Thousands steal land from the grizzly bears yeah. Insulate the black bears. Happen and -- there's film railroads and think he'll be okay. Not raises disappeared June fan club. You know there's --"
" It's."
" Nobody wants to be divorced nobody except like 50% of all married couples."
" It's always 50% if they wanna create a divorce -- that is what this does this make divorce illegal. And to make the penalty that."
" And that would bring -- divorce rate down to like 40%."
" I."
" Yeah yeah. -- importantly right for you. -- and I was looking and and then there's categories are categories. When the categories was mature corn -- well that must be from me that."
" I'm mature -- it. I don't wanna -- immature immoral possible dinosaurs public Oscar."
" It's likely on it and people aren't exactly. Don't fall quarter. You -- get turned on when you -- and New Zealand in their -- like. Scenes horse. And negative -- into the inside this."
" Place your comment Julia to be here I've only been in town for like two days of here's worries and I'm glad to be here I just read a newspaper article. But right now. As we speak. There's a city in Texas. That trying to make it legal. More retarded people. To own guns. Laughed and thank you that is the -- response like. We're trying to be polite but you're correct like holy because the judges and the courts they agreed with you -- people they were like -- know who. No yeah. But here's the twist. A bunch of republic -- in Texas they started to protest. I would watch them on the news and you're talking about how the founding fathers of America. We want everybody. Own -- that's right it's I was watching them on the news and they were protesting that -- and -- were chanting they were saying the founding bothered to be astonished. The founding fathers to be astonished. -- what else -- would just out of the founding fathers the Internet. Women voting. And white people doing their own -- jury that right. Room for a bit of a curve ball this --"
" Don't go to school now bullies -- so -- got to keep your hasn't put on YouTube and you go all their parents already know you guys are asking yeah. You go man like my my windows media thank -- prize got 42000 hits."
" You're absolutely let viral congratulates. Him."
" My name is retailer. I'm going done -- button. Very domain name that goodies that come has available. Good. -- look at that. I ran out of -- So -- and make an impact on -- Good outcome has that you need dot com names as low as 189 plus. World class hosting fancies a -- said letters and -- pull out more be sure check a revision3.com. -- godaddy for huge discounts for the -- godaddy deals. And -- What. -- button fly. Sorry to."
" I'm not good editing thing -- sports are building and you know -- and anything. About it didn't dead now. Afraid to omitted because I had complaints. Women complain that it only lasted five minutes. Other behind the guys film that. I deeper now. Our."
" Hollywood shifts Hologic high heels and that's exactly right -- doesn't see -- yeah yeah. Assessing the beginning of the 9 read like 9 o'clock in the gonna in the guerrilla movements -- calf muscles may have. And then overnight we do face of bouncing a high heels is not quite as sexy right. Severely really do everything right eyed Susan Allen also does everything well. -- And you judge -- at some point tonight. Is that Franklin Delano Roosevelt none of the -- find here is whether -- services. How we get this thing FDR to -- this is only and it really of the June him. Sometimes girls take their shoes off and walked barefoot is their feet hurting feelings are gonna remove. Maybe in Wisconsin is okay I live in New York City not nearly as okay goes like on the she's been on welfare but -- that -- to my house when we go to the hospitals he had an aids test. If you're walking barefoot in New York City. The homeless guy eating a pigeon he was like hey just kind of grossly -- you know that. --"
" I'm outside it I would tell you or my friends are getting pregnant on purpose. But parents right -- to have babies. I think we'll have children and I just -- futures you know and unless there's an accident. -- Aren't you the kidney that yeah. I'm after the baby it is their current strength pain. Followed don't feel bad if I needed it -- me I would totally it stones."
" My girlfriend loves watching sex in the city. And hits such a kitchen help. I mean I love it and we Netflix we can watch like every episode every night for ever. Tickets grade girls -- Netflix you got ran over a 100000 titles online including lots of Blu-ray movies with free shipping both ways to your home. They now have over forty shipping centers almost all deliveries happen just one business day. The Netflix plans start from 499. As a new member you get a no risk two week free trial membership. Check it out at www. Netflix.com. Slash drop off. Somebody kill me."
" I was married her longtime great person is -- a lot in common. You know like meals sensible things. I really like to eat meat she's a real vegetarian. I -- real some amazed how many people think they're vegetarians are wrong. It's ridiculous that they are vegetarian do -- find sometimes -- and -- check it. I don't think you're not a deterrent at all -- was -- as a liar. Enjoy your chicken and help. And I do -- happy to have a stake and just never have a stake again how. And I say that as a strange meat eater I don't really like the taste of beef are his hate -- so much. But make it for moral reasons. Just feel so good knowing him more than her dying."
" Yeah -- it right here it's all right want to know. Revelation won't pick go to the -- before I left Vegas went to this fact got that bikini wax you know. We're gonna laugh and she don't -- know Dan McKinney went -- yeah. But young pitchers got little v.s. I'm mold I got a W. Like all of my George W. Bush."
" I'm really kind of politics. Items and my friends talk from environmentalists friend. Sox."
" Like the polar bears have feelings too. The polar bears are just like people. When ice caps melt when they gonna go."
" Michael -- are just like people officer of the polar bears will -- here today. Thousands steal land from the grizzly bears yeah. Insulate the black bears. Happen and -- there's film railroads and think he'll be okay. Not raises disappeared June fan club. You know there's --"
" It's."
mari1ee
Started discussion: October 12, 2009 @ 9:28am GMT
Episode 23: Mature Porn, Guns and Getting Pregnant [Discussion]
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on pornography, drunk women, guns, and masturbating.
Watch or download this episode now!
ssjaken
about 1 month ago
why did they start censoring the show?














