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Locker Rooms, Burger King, and Ugly Couples

Sunday, November 1st, 2009 – running time 10:48
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on food, being fat, and Applebee's.

Segments

Seven nights a week, RooftopComedy.com records live stand-up comedy all around the world and brings you the best of it. These are our favorite jokes about food, being fat, Applebee's, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff. I'm sure you have some hilarious jokes about that stuff too, but trust me, this is better. For more jokes that are better than yours, head over to RooftopComedy.com.

Burger King is Honest

Have it your way... fatty.

00:38

Play

Homeless Psychology

I'm not 'giving' you money. I'm just paying the stop-being-creepy fee.

01:17

Play

Third Wheel

Hey, I'm trying to have a private moment with my PS3. Could you stop making out?

02:08

Play

Too Many Voicemails

We invented robots and all they do is ramble on about phone calls? What a rip off!

03:59

Play

3 lbs of Potato Salad

3 pounds of potato salad, AKA an American appetizer.

05:04

Play

Service at Applebee's

I'm not here for the potato skins. I'm here for the forced female interaction. The potato skins ARE good, though.

06:07

Play

Older Brothers

You sure CPR includes a Wet Willie and a Wedgie?

07:26

Play

Palmetto Bugs Suck

If I step on it, you sure it won't step on me back?

08:01

Play

YMCA Locker Room

Young man, there's no need to feel down! I mean... you are a young MAN, right?

09:11

Play

Comedians: Mike Baldwin, Al Romas, Tom Segura, Nick Mullen, JR Brow, Dan Wilson, Dave Waite, Kyle Grooms, Rahn Hortman, Cy Amundson

Highlights

Automatically Generated Transcript

May not be 100% accurate

" Some are convinced my my favorite season. And then. Spring and fall it's."

" Foreboding and out. Unless you're an engine because they hear an engine then you've probably love this spring and hate of all. Because -- in this country leaves."

" This episode rubble. -- rock you by Netflix and rental and now. And today I'm okay. Yeah yeah. He wants -- Certainly on. Who. Yeah. Far better than him right there yeah. This really isn't. It's okay you're in his apartment."

" Opponents."

" Here -- it relates. But the homeless guys who view like psychologically. And you don't see coming Blake. You tell me don't have any money but then he wishes you well but and really creepy kind of way we Felix and about to go down you know way. We have items are manages I don't have any on the -- that's -- and then. Have a wonderful day. -- To use and move them. Nothing I hope you have healthy children one day. I really don't have any kids that would when he. Whenever -- to the end."

" It's not cool. It's."

" This an awkward situation I. Maybe -- you can relate I had a friend the best friend -- was a guy -- best friend -- was a girl and we all hung out together that was like my. He knows there -- little. Triangle platonic friendship and Riordan had good times and they started dating and I became like that the fact is third -- Which is an awkward situation being because I think I don't feel like I should be considered the third we'll find more attractive than those people in the relationship you know it. Like I'm a big wheel on the tricycle and they're just. They're just an accessory to me you know I am tired I'm going on a date -- myself the PF chains and if you want to accompany me that's fine. Keep in mind once a beautiful man three's a crowd simplistic. Guys."

" Well but like yeah I don't -- 100000 kind of shenanigans. Too many movies yeah. Movie so really what you think always. Yeah -- it is very Bain Capital report. Market saw all the -- happened just want."

" sue and doesn't resume peace and I think planned separate Barney."

" And you didn't get -- no risk two -- yeah. Taking out and -- yeah yeah -- that comes flat."

" Rob you today that is endemic getting getting this tightening your browser and it shows -- I don't know what the Internet is how all -- is now."

" Tell -- yeah yeah. Okay."

" Former cold."

" Nearly a month there without any cell phone plan which is a dumb idea but I get back to the US. I turned it on and on a simple ten I just have a sprint phone and I don't have any experience. That I can do. I see 43 new voice messages -- I don't like 43 people. Now I gotta listen that female robot that I didn't know you can spear heads up at the time by 87. So I'm dealing with -- like this."

" You have 43 new life message is. First message sent -- December 28 at. 2 o'clock PM drive you. Members why do."

" I cry. I have forty and you won't -- hand yeah."

" Do that when you are."

" So many good -- fat bastard right away. I know because I think because I'm six feet tall like I did little bit. Had a bad experience weekends ago it's having a barbecue it went down down the street to a sandwich shop to get -- as opposed to pay this out of three rounds."

" Three I --"

" And realized the woman had put a floor in the today. Does things a certain."

" Many songs. And that can really -- the Panasonic."

" Bob thank you want to look at -- See you wanna watch star looked at it sounds complicated case over the -- going to hold a news. Three pounds but penicillin for use on the --"

" Okay. Flu like gonna -- these. Every -- go to movies that never get the fun learning waitress stiffening I don't get married you know I get mean lumberjack lady -- some polar from the old diners used to be the same. Deputies never ever governor boobs on -- show voters that and about cheese sticks and my waitress -- Months that she. And regulations name."

" I -- a product of trying to sell trying to get web site to go with it. It's a home fertility kit that you do yourself. It's called U2. Turns out started taken. Get reliable secure web hosting without the long term contract go daddy's hosting plans are bigger and better than ever with 99% up time. Free 24 sevenths support and no annual commitment. Be sure to check out revision3.com. Slash godaddy for all the ruffled godaddy deals and codes. It is other products it's. Home vasectomy -- it's called final cut pro. Not doing so well."

" A parts of finalized it -- all the Brothers all the Brothers teach you to fight. Tomorrow all the -- talk me if I don't protect -- this use what's called demise. But all the Brothers you and my brother punch me it's so hard indeed -- clear my congestion. It's."

" Thank you --"

" Competitor and I'm."

" This whole Florida thing is new to me. When I first got down here you know us. -- they don't call home and notebooks. Yeah. Anywhere else in the country that these giant killer -- My daughter is afraid of and it's I'd like maybe they won't training that you are. What you calculated a and I don't Q -- Paul metal close this thing so be in the -- a Snickers. Yeah. So I don't kill that erase that moment but he got the big loan antennas and removing -- I'm doing the matrix. So you is that going into that that's my LA."

" I've ran -- screen."

" I want prepared. The thing was so be it -- on this -- to --"

" At the YMCA the other day. After my work out of walked into the locker room right as I walked in there is this guy sitting by the first settle lockers. And he looked so much like the woman. All I can think to myself was oh my god. -- I took three more steps and as I -- almost like guide. And in the woman's locker room. Oh my gosh I ran out of there are so fast. After my shower. Just saying when life hands you lemons. -- John can try to blend in that's right. I did not -- go to the other women are staring match. We gotta say some that they can relate to -- you keep -- them. Mike guy. And my vagina as both its like crazy right now. Think it. Do."

" Some are convinced my my favorite season. And then. Spring and fall it's."

" Foreboding and out. Unless you're an engine because they hear an engine then you've probably love this spring and hate of all. Because -- in this country leaves."

" This episode rubble. -- rock you by Netflix and rental and now. And today I'm okay. Yeah yeah. He wants -- Certainly on. Who. Yeah. Far better than him right there yeah. This really isn't. It's okay you're in his apartment."

" Opponents."

" Here -- it relates. But the homeless guys who view like psychologically. And you don't see coming Blake. You tell me don't have any money but then he wishes you well but and really creepy kind of way we Felix and about to go down you know way. We have items are manages I don't have any on the -- that's -- and then. Have a wonderful day. -- To use and move them. Nothing I hope you have healthy children one day. I really don't have any kids that would when he. Whenever -- to the end."

" It's not cool. It's."

" This an awkward situation I. Maybe -- you can relate I had a friend the best friend -- was a guy -- best friend -- was a girl and we all hung out together that was like my. He knows there -- little. Triangle platonic friendship and Riordan had good times and they started dating and I became like that the fact is third -- Which is an awkward situation being because I think I don't feel like I should be considered the third we'll find more attractive than those people in the relationship you know it. Like I'm a big wheel on the tricycle and they're just. They're just an accessory to me you know I am tired I'm going on a date -- myself the PF chains and if you want to accompany me that's fine. Keep in mind once a beautiful man three's a crowd simplistic. Guys."

" Well but like yeah I don't -- 100000 kind of shenanigans. Too many movies yeah. Movie so really what you think always. Yeah -- it is very Bain Capital report. Market saw all the -- happened just want."

" sue and doesn't resume peace and I think planned separate Barney."

" And you didn't get -- no risk two -- yeah. Taking out and -- yeah yeah -- that comes flat."

" Rob you today that is endemic getting getting this tightening your browser and it shows -- I don't know what the Internet is how all -- is now."

" Tell -- yeah yeah. Okay."

" Former cold."

" Nearly a month there without any cell phone plan which is a dumb idea but I get back to the US. I turned it on and on a simple ten I just have a sprint phone and I don't have any experience. That I can do. I see 43 new voice messages -- I don't like 43 people. Now I gotta listen that female robot that I didn't know you can spear heads up at the time by 87. So I'm dealing with -- like this."

" You have 43 new life message is. First message sent -- December 28 at. 2 o'clock PM drive you. Members why do."

" I cry. I have forty and you won't -- hand yeah."

" Do that when you are."

" So many good -- fat bastard right away. I know because I think because I'm six feet tall like I did little bit. Had a bad experience weekends ago it's having a barbecue it went down down the street to a sandwich shop to get -- as opposed to pay this out of three rounds."

" Three I --"

" And realized the woman had put a floor in the today. Does things a certain."

" Many songs. And that can really -- the Panasonic."

" Bob thank you want to look at -- See you wanna watch star looked at it sounds complicated case over the -- going to hold a news. Three pounds but penicillin for use on the --"

" Okay. Flu like gonna -- these. Every -- go to movies that never get the fun learning waitress stiffening I don't get married you know I get mean lumberjack lady -- some polar from the old diners used to be the same. Deputies never ever governor boobs on -- show voters that and about cheese sticks and my waitress -- Months that she. And regulations name."

" I -- a product of trying to sell trying to get web site to go with it. It's a home fertility kit that you do yourself. It's called U2. Turns out started taken. Get reliable secure web hosting without the long term contract go daddy's hosting plans are bigger and better than ever with 99% up time. Free 24 sevenths support and no annual commitment. Be sure to check out revision3.com. Slash godaddy for all the ruffled godaddy deals and codes. It is other products it's. Home vasectomy -- it's called final cut pro. Not doing so well."

" A parts of finalized it -- all the Brothers all the Brothers teach you to fight. Tomorrow all the -- talk me if I don't protect -- this use what's called demise. But all the Brothers you and my brother punch me it's so hard indeed -- clear my congestion. It's."

" Thank you --"

" Competitor and I'm."

" This whole Florida thing is new to me. When I first got down here you know us. -- they don't call home and notebooks. Yeah. Anywhere else in the country that these giant killer -- My daughter is afraid of and it's I'd like maybe they won't training that you are. What you calculated a and I don't Q -- Paul metal close this thing so be in the -- a Snickers. Yeah. So I don't kill that erase that moment but he got the big loan antennas and removing -- I'm doing the matrix. So you is that going into that that's my LA."

" I've ran -- screen."

" I want prepared. The thing was so be it -- on this -- to --"

" At the YMCA the other day. After my work out of walked into the locker room right as I walked in there is this guy sitting by the first settle lockers. And he looked so much like the woman. All I can think to myself was oh my god. -- I took three more steps and as I -- almost like guide. And in the woman's locker room. Oh my gosh I ran out of there are so fast. After my shower. Just saying when life hands you lemons. -- John can try to blend in that's right. I did not -- go to the other women are staring match. We gotta say some that they can relate to -- you keep -- them. Mike guy. And my vagina as both its like crazy right now. Think it. Do."

mari1ee

Started discussion: November 2, 2009 @ 9:33am GMT

Episode 26 - Locker Rooms, Burger King, and Ugly Couples [Discussion]

The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on food, being fat, and Applebee's.


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