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Cocaine, Beer and Drunken Dancing

Sunday, September 20th, 2009 – running time 13:00
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on weed, UFOs, the Army, and models.

Segments

Seven nights a week, RooftopComedy.com records live stand-up comedy all around the world and brings you the best of it. These are our favorite jokes about weed, UFOs, the Army, models, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff. I'm sure you have some hilarious jokes about that stuff too, but trust me, this is better. For more jokes that are better than yours, head over to RooftopComedy.com.

There's Always the Army

When you've been rejected for employment by every Chuck E. Cheese in town...

00:40

Play

Cereal Party

Here, pour this milk over your head and maybe I'll recognize you.

01:42

Play

Buying Jewelry to get Out of Trouble

A diamond for me? Well, I guess we can drop the charge down to Manslaughter.

03:01

Play

Aliens and Hillbillies

Xenock! Who drank all of our Space Michelob?

05:23

Play

Too Old to be Noticed

Oh, don't mind me. Just digging my own grave over here.

06:27

Play

The Buffer

Dude, If we're going to watch The Little Mermaid together, I'm gonna need a little space.

07:00

Play

Women Can Dance Together

Can I cut in? Oh, not you bro. Her.

09:15

Play

No Patience in NYC

No time to describe this clip! GOTTA GO!

10:09

Play

Abercrombie and Fitch

Abercrombie & Fitch: it took two people to found a company that irritating.

11:24

Play

Comedians

Robert Hawkins, Tim Harmston, John Evans, Roy Wood Jr, Mike Brody, Kermit Apio, Bill Young, Lowell Sanders, Wali Collins, Chris Hardwick

Highlights

high school: 7:30
netflix: 8:37
mannequins: 12:22
axiom: 11:02

Automatically Generated Transcript

May not be 100% accurate

" Yeah. Out -- guy friends get married her vocabulary changes that those are using words that no mention -- say. Friend call me that tip my wife and trying to get predators. -- It said. It did that it'd be hard since you vote happened just."

" My first choice not the army was -- for someone to be a pilot that was my dream. But they explained to me now."

" So there."

" But BR we'll take you they don't give a (%expletive) seriously. Yeah join the army by phone series albeit. Leaving out dark. Medium. Then they say their commercials if you qualify for the army recruiter that note anybody in the last two years. You're walking their plate glass window --"

" You qualify for it can you hold down solid food wait there's one more thing. Can you hold down solid food."

" Yeah."

" Yeah. Compared. We'll put you in signal battalion CNET you like the sound off what that would want him. --"

" I've kind of weird look we should address that at the beginning of this ago. -- It's funny too good to get a weird look people try to tell you that you look like somebody famous to make you feel better. About your love and usually it kicks -- like a famous actor. But also that they with a girl and this is what she said -- she was always -- like you know -- You not just I cannot chop Kayla. There's cereal characters getting -- now. C'mon over partied Franken Mary's house never really. Who lets you can't Sam near the -- right she's done it. Again Sambo guarding on your rowdy that's. It's like finding its hero -- patterns you can examine all your serial money."

" But your marriage will end up being one Rosemary due to in the June commercial always apologizing for stuff. She -- German commercial there or listen. We'll move you baby don't believe me look solo shot at."

" There yeah I think it couldn't come."

" But I -- those commercial she starts president didn't. It makes women look materialistic Comanche don't sneak peek at bat I love that would you learn how would give to bring this to million dollars. Clearly these two billion dollars. Really get him an -- and another woman is -- of -- for you because I do get both of them some data rate you. We don't call what you're."

" And it's not just. Actual light coming in Iraq did not. Possibly anesthesia is -- two million dollars before us and never -- that you what do."

" That you and I -- my right -- and the dude is too little to address ten let it take a break for thirty seconds."

" You know we can -- is limited funky. Yeah. And."

" I know -- you know. Including. All. Yeah -- think Peter web Justine we don't go long term debt. Adding hosting plan and I think -- that. I'm -- where you -- support. And I couldn't and then. You gonna be did you really didn't mean that flash eight pretty. Cool -- doesn't it's. --"

" I think a lot of people in Minnesota we have a very high rate of -- proxy case. Look it up. And -- I love you both love hook up my friends leaving you oppose any in the crap on. The road if you -- exist. Which they don't. -- explainer text on the news in the interview some about -- No matter where is the country to listen to this trip that are written it it really. Why it's always them why it's doing them. It -- so -- them. Don't of the guys that you -- throwback. I would do -- MySpace and we'll look like -- cheesy video. I didn't really messed up the party and I got. I didn't -- problems and it -- block the red neck and one."

" You realize that forty that you become invisible to women under thirty witches. Fine I'm a happily married guy I just don't wanna be crossing the street you get hit by a read on the solstice coupe. Welcome that it is getting back what. I just send something that was overweight and had no long term goals I didn't feel."

" Similarly because yeah money. -- to crank that up right. Let's see -- it was like when. Yeah. -- now a lot of people on the campaign late twenties. And I sit down and he almost -- and sit down and conferences and disease nasty disease vaccination. He doesn't clobber him. High school iphones they don't like dude I know we're. I'm gay. 30 yeah yeah bridges are essential to enjoyable to the service right. Thank you work and they -- Gazprom's -- down this thing we're watching that expressed. Obama Britain the only good beating your awareness is nothing looks okay -- in the bumper but yeah. -- What's worse still is that -- Anything to -- is the only thing that was given the bombers and the music and theater are."

" Word out."

" Stephen."

" with the guys if you're anything like me your favor and move out Thomas critically acclaimed catwoman. But the problem is the network refused to aired on TV. Luckily you can go to Netflix and watch it when ever you -- to the days it would never league's. You go where no 100000 titles online including a lot the blue -- believe with free shipping both ways their -- They now have a wolf forty service centers almost all deliveries happen in just one business day to make him. The Netflix plans start from 499 and as a new member you can get a no risk two week free trial membership. Check it out at www. Net -- dot com slash brothel. -- is amazing."

" Women now looking out last night -- me young can go out with each other you know neither neither man. Do they know what. We're gonna go out and enjoyed himself this all by is that no me neither man. This is redundant. That's a good night. Vehicle got --"

" That's a bad week. -- in. Prison mildly. I think it. Within a pro Tibetan student though. Muscle. The city man unless there's a New York City. I learned that -- city the city of no patience. And its people -- Evans the rush got to go got to go -- America's only true New Yorkers what do I think the subway take the train. That they're the ones that walked on the edge of the platform the looked on the tunnels to the train is coming. If they don't sit agendas that that look at the watch -- And they look down there again. As the safety restraint I'm late. In transit Omar better -- That's not gonna hurt the -- that is gonna get there when he gets there again. It we -- it benefitted us and Europe you know no patience I have patients by act like no -- despise you -- the bank at an online this is me okay and next decade ago. But the -- oh. That an axiom is the sound of any of the way to loan. But as my -- prominent elevated by myself it's also full speed to the elevated. And -- at the top lungs and hope that our elected to. That's right because I got things to do here comes ahead. I get to the second look."

" I can't even. I even shop at the same places that I used to shop and Dave are you still love the go to the Abercrombie & Fitch store Leavitt is the love it. And I can't I can't go there anymore because those there they've turned it into these creepy nightclubs that are designed to scare old people away in a (%expletive) works. If there's one in LA. It's like three stories tall it's dark it's ominous there's you. -- shirtless dude standing out front -- it like it's some kind of case based palace. And you go inside there's this thumping techno music it's just gay here than come on a moustache just right. Not a judgment. Not a judgment. But honestly -- you expect you go and they used regularly drinking apple TV is all doing Coke off mannequins dances well. Vampires they're beating on -- school girls in the dressing rooms while. The ghost of Oscar Wilde is blowing the ghost of Andy Warhol. On the back of a unicorn with that Dick -- horn shooting rainbows onto a Project Runway marathon."

" Different."

" Yeah. Out -- guy friends get married her vocabulary changes that those are using words that no mention -- say. Friend call me that tip my wife and trying to get predators. -- It said. It did that it'd be hard since you vote happened just."

" My first choice not the army was -- for someone to be a pilot that was my dream. But they explained to me now."

" So there."

" But BR we'll take you they don't give a (%expletive) seriously. Yeah join the army by phone series albeit. Leaving out dark. Medium. Then they say their commercials if you qualify for the army recruiter that note anybody in the last two years. You're walking their plate glass window --"

" You qualify for it can you hold down solid food wait there's one more thing. Can you hold down solid food."

" Yeah."

" Yeah. Compared. We'll put you in signal battalion CNET you like the sound off what that would want him. --"

" I've kind of weird look we should address that at the beginning of this ago. -- It's funny too good to get a weird look people try to tell you that you look like somebody famous to make you feel better. About your love and usually it kicks -- like a famous actor. But also that they with a girl and this is what she said -- she was always -- like you know -- You not just I cannot chop Kayla. There's cereal characters getting -- now. C'mon over partied Franken Mary's house never really. Who lets you can't Sam near the -- right she's done it. Again Sambo guarding on your rowdy that's. It's like finding its hero -- patterns you can examine all your serial money."

" But your marriage will end up being one Rosemary due to in the June commercial always apologizing for stuff. She -- German commercial there or listen. We'll move you baby don't believe me look solo shot at."

" There yeah I think it couldn't come."

" But I -- those commercial she starts president didn't. It makes women look materialistic Comanche don't sneak peek at bat I love that would you learn how would give to bring this to million dollars. Clearly these two billion dollars. Really get him an -- and another woman is -- of -- for you because I do get both of them some data rate you. We don't call what you're."

" And it's not just. Actual light coming in Iraq did not. Possibly anesthesia is -- two million dollars before us and never -- that you what do."

" That you and I -- my right -- and the dude is too little to address ten let it take a break for thirty seconds."

" You know we can -- is limited funky. Yeah. And."

" I know -- you know. Including. All. Yeah -- think Peter web Justine we don't go long term debt. Adding hosting plan and I think -- that. I'm -- where you -- support. And I couldn't and then. You gonna be did you really didn't mean that flash eight pretty. Cool -- doesn't it's. --"

" I think a lot of people in Minnesota we have a very high rate of -- proxy case. Look it up. And -- I love you both love hook up my friends leaving you oppose any in the crap on. The road if you -- exist. Which they don't. -- explainer text on the news in the interview some about -- No matter where is the country to listen to this trip that are written it it really. Why it's always them why it's doing them. It -- so -- them. Don't of the guys that you -- throwback. I would do -- MySpace and we'll look like -- cheesy video. I didn't really messed up the party and I got. I didn't -- problems and it -- block the red neck and one."

" You realize that forty that you become invisible to women under thirty witches. Fine I'm a happily married guy I just don't wanna be crossing the street you get hit by a read on the solstice coupe. Welcome that it is getting back what. I just send something that was overweight and had no long term goals I didn't feel."

" Similarly because yeah money. -- to crank that up right. Let's see -- it was like when. Yeah. -- now a lot of people on the campaign late twenties. And I sit down and he almost -- and sit down and conferences and disease nasty disease vaccination. He doesn't clobber him. High school iphones they don't like dude I know we're. I'm gay. 30 yeah yeah bridges are essential to enjoyable to the service right. Thank you work and they -- Gazprom's -- down this thing we're watching that expressed. Obama Britain the only good beating your awareness is nothing looks okay -- in the bumper but yeah. -- What's worse still is that -- Anything to -- is the only thing that was given the bombers and the music and theater are."

" Word out."

" Stephen."

" with the guys if you're anything like me your favor and move out Thomas critically acclaimed catwoman. But the problem is the network refused to aired on TV. Luckily you can go to Netflix and watch it when ever you -- to the days it would never league's. You go where no 100000 titles online including a lot the blue -- believe with free shipping both ways their -- They now have a wolf forty service centers almost all deliveries happen in just one business day to make him. The Netflix plans start from 499 and as a new member you can get a no risk two week free trial membership. Check it out at www. Net -- dot com slash brothel. -- is amazing."

" Women now looking out last night -- me young can go out with each other you know neither neither man. Do they know what. We're gonna go out and enjoyed himself this all by is that no me neither man. This is redundant. That's a good night. Vehicle got --"

" That's a bad week. -- in. Prison mildly. I think it. Within a pro Tibetan student though. Muscle. The city man unless there's a New York City. I learned that -- city the city of no patience. And its people -- Evans the rush got to go got to go -- America's only true New Yorkers what do I think the subway take the train. That they're the ones that walked on the edge of the platform the looked on the tunnels to the train is coming. If they don't sit agendas that that look at the watch -- And they look down there again. As the safety restraint I'm late. In transit Omar better -- That's not gonna hurt the -- that is gonna get there when he gets there again. It we -- it benefitted us and Europe you know no patience I have patients by act like no -- despise you -- the bank at an online this is me okay and next decade ago. But the -- oh. That an axiom is the sound of any of the way to loan. But as my -- prominent elevated by myself it's also full speed to the elevated. And -- at the top lungs and hope that our elected to. That's right because I got things to do here comes ahead. I get to the second look."

" I can't even. I even shop at the same places that I used to shop and Dave are you still love the go to the Abercrombie & Fitch store Leavitt is the love it. And I can't I can't go there anymore because those there they've turned it into these creepy nightclubs that are designed to scare old people away in a (%expletive) works. If there's one in LA. It's like three stories tall it's dark it's ominous there's you. -- shirtless dude standing out front -- it like it's some kind of case based palace. And you go inside there's this thumping techno music it's just gay here than come on a moustache just right. Not a judgment. Not a judgment. But honestly -- you expect you go and they used regularly drinking apple TV is all doing Coke off mannequins dances well. Vampires they're beating on -- school girls in the dressing rooms while. The ghost of Oscar Wilde is blowing the ghost of Andy Warhol. On the back of a unicorn with that Dick -- horn shooting rainbows onto a Project Runway marathon."

" Different."

xfuuey

Started discussion: September 21, 2009 @ 10:25am GMT

Episode 20: Cocaine, Beer and Drunken Dancing [Discussion]

The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on weed, UFOs, the Army, and models.

Watch or download this episode

xfuuey
2 months ago
lol....awesome compilation this week - funniest i've seen in a while :D
fatlip
about 1 month ago
isnt chris hardwick (atlanta, ga) the dude from mtv's singled out?

bonus
xfuuey
about 1 month ago
In reply to fatlip:
isnt chris hardwick (atlanta, ga) the dude from mtv's singled out?


hah, yeah
View all 3 comments