Heavy Petting, Strip Cheese, Honey Wars
Sunday, May 17th, 2009 running time 14:23
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on strippers, cats, bathing, race, gay marriage, Prince, Legos, texting, and drug-sniffing bears. So hang on to your weed.
Seven nights a week, RooftopComedy.com records live stand-up comedy all around the world and brings you the best of it. These are our favorite jokes about strippers, cats, bathing, race, gay marriage, Prince, Legos, texting, scary animals, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff. For more jokes that are better than yours, head over to RooftopComedy.com.
The Comedians
- Tommy Johnagin
- JR Brow
- Roy Wood Jr
- Andrew Norelli
- Alex Koll
- Tommy Ryman
- Josh Sneed
- Joe Zimmerman
- Tyrone Hawkins
- Prescott Tolk
Highlights
national geographic
(
8:58, 8:58
)
Joe Biden
(
11:13, 11:13
)
high school
(
6:07, 6:07
)
Barack Obama president
(
11:03, 11:03
)
national geographic
(
8:58, 8:58
)
Joe Biden
(
11:13, 11:13
)
high school
(
6:07, 6:07
)
Barack Obama president
(
11:03, 11:03
)
Automatically Generated Transcript(may not be 100% accurate) ( more )
" Hamas -- went missing she called me tears doesn't really worried about rocky. Because you know how people to take cats. It do nasty things to them. No I don't know that. That your Internet shut off though. Pretty serious and silly person that's ever Google cat rate. I think it's gonna come back if -- basic things -- items on sex dungeon with nipple clamps on. I think that they fiddled with the kids and don't tell anyone right at the -- yourself for a police posted news that the sting operation at dateline busted the door the -- registered credit. --"
" At my best friend -- that I am now. The best thing. I drove all the way up there to be investment but before the wedding and -- what my new friends but I don't know this electors pay want to go to buyers. Don't want to build a better. And apparently with a look at the iron."
" Oh yeah that's -- turn over that don't prevent it."
" We are says Katie bar there's an old DJ has not even at juke box there is a record player on a stool -- students. She have to put the needle on record. Your money at the door but drink -- the bar. She's seeded me and then was my -- I was -- her house. She went from Becky upfront it up. Get caught up. It's Madonna 45. -- 45. AC DC."
" But. It. --"
" I appreciate you."
" It wasn't my. Yeah."
" You want to talk discrimination until you got a bad it's not Latinos is not Arabs not -- nobody had the worst in this country. The white people that -- let people god bless you. A series if you like you got black friends how do you prove that other black people doing nothing you can do. Casino but do -- out of the parking lot at the moment it looked -- This tomorrow who would do otherwise would do. And that's up because some black people make the presumption that all white people racists and that's wrong with my new black Americans in this country would never do for racism and oppression but we don't know how to tell you apart from the war. -- he put it let people they should get a wrist band on hands that. Can they get so you can show on -- dock at. Adding to keep from getting -- when it. We've just so -- back. -- And that it 93 Brothers jump -- the -- and white boy."
" Okay."
" The -- he got the real good at."
" And understand these things that bother people like. Why is gay marriage by other people I mean if you're against gay people how would preventing marriage help you anyway. That's not stopping game this. They're still doing -- stuff you know that right. There's still -- going on. I don't think there's say they're gone I don't know Kyle now about the ring it just doesn't feel all right Chris. Feels dirty."
" He has like prints. And an -- yet. Big fan what are my favorite songs is 1999 but it's kind of a disappointment those you know familiar first line in the song was. I was dreaming when I wrote this forgive me if it goes astray. And then. Prince pretty much stay as a Linear thought the anti virus the sun. It tells complete story there's no strength plus. It's got a normal my dreams are -- Very very weird. And if I wrote that song I think it would it would go like this. Was stream inland now wrote this folk give me think goes astray. I was frightened giant lobsters in an area above my house. Both my hands are chocolate sharks. And -- some guy knew from high school handed me a cake and then last. But his mom looked like Patti LaBelle. Then it gets up kind of fuzzy and I think the whole thing ended with dance. -- when I wake my band is wet. Is this let guys come on grow up. Wenatchee actually it's like a weird. Since but he disgusting combo -- and I can't. I don't know how to break the cycle."
" can consider what do you finish. Shouted into the."
" I'm a Batman myself actually -- that battle it -- acceptable for a leg. Like a winner in my day -- night in a math lesson candles mainly isn't sweet music in non and they can master being in the -- It's all sexy. That a guy and yesterday's advance. You realize that's -- here done."
" So I moved."
" and it is our."
" I would not packet that like that you know like it is. Kid next door to me was off with -- that is it really care about here. -- like 88 is he has a Lago -- who the -- has basically it. -- it -- a golf course it would. I think you rebels who -- place -- parked out front on the environment of low income housing. It's a big red brick buildings. If you want to be all right we never had enough notices -- brings an end through the project. -- people waking me up at night complain about -- living instead. -- you turn off our water in my -- read it again. -- let it if you hear my husband he's been on in my district that's not well okay it's gonna be the Ritz Carlton Medina in secret with either that you'll like it take if back that would be thirteen present this -- in the -- is that what you want it's quite quite cut down because I got freaked out if you went. But I think it's ethical toys."
" Read in the national geographic. The there's it turns out new research says that -- Have a hundred times stronger sense of smell the bloodhounds. Which is stronger than previously. Which begs the question one of the cops going to start implementing -- Instead of dogs to fight crime. No one has ever smuggling contraband through customs again. Mr. Peterson -- spent the last three weeks and hipster. I'll tell you about the giant grizzly bear -- picnic basket but. He doesn't buy it from. Unless he catches the width of Pont. -- Most effective use that. There would be to fight terrorism because of -- his biggest advantage is asking right now. We bring players in the way we turned his cave hide out into a major -- nightmare. Results that we take -- unit of highly trained here fighting bears. Military. Code name. -- They only have export them to Afghanistan about using specially designed their hearing aircraft which will call -- name airplanes. There we -- them strategically. Using special. There parachute. Which will -- Close grizzly Schneider's. You can see why you went there."
" Expect him money and it's happy I'm so glad Barack Obama president man that is so cool."
" Our last -- We've heard a couple of Lucas all right yeah. And Joe Biden don't people don't like -- of the nannies that man I don't know what he does exactly. Buddies that -- and I hope Iraq lets them."
" Black people. You don't some money like prince of black people some money -- noticed that it --"
" Make the two dollar bill to cut down a building like that."
" Megan -- papers and -- so we've got. He's done but. It when he VW Michael Jordan on affront to dedicate time. --"
" That they laws and make it tougher to drive in the cities to make laws make it harder to drive there's a law now in Chicago you cannot drive while talking on your cell phone. Do people realize how hard it is to drive the moment text messaging. And I am very conscious of -- Why -- you know shortcuts remains. I go all the way. -- spelled smiley face. That's a real law you can drive while talking on any other real -- I thought doesn't mean they just said one day so fewer people did it. But they can actually pull you over just for that happened to me. At a stop sign on the cell phone at a stop sign to me that's like home base. I look over -- C a cop car there are immediately do this."
" Did not name -- right now and longer and."
" I looked over in the guy's not moving inside the main and I get going the isn't my job -- good job. Go ahead and do -- right back at me like none on now you've got. Man that was a death roll. I have never been pulled over so slowly in my life. That -- came up to the cars like -- you know I saw you talking on the cell phone I was like guy now. I was calling 91 line. And and I saw you. I just want to thank you for coming out so -- away. I tried to talk him out of the ticket I go fussing. He shut me up pretty quick out like a lot for cell phone -- just gonna give me a ticket for a cell phone is like where is your seatbelt. -- like I'd just and then off the second and god is like finally see your insurance. All right this is what happened."
" You can't tell you the truth."
" Hamas -- went missing she called me tears doesn't really worried about rocky. Because you know how people to take cats. It do nasty things to them. No I don't know that. That your Internet shut off though. Pretty serious and silly person that's ever Google cat rate. I think it's gonna come back if -- basic things -- items on sex dungeon with nipple clamps on. I think that they fiddled with the kids and don't tell anyone right at the -- yourself for a police posted news that the sting operation at dateline busted the door the -- registered credit. --"
" At my best friend -- that I am now. The best thing. I drove all the way up there to be investment but before the wedding and -- what my new friends but I don't know this electors pay want to go to buyers. Don't want to build a better. And apparently with a look at the iron."
" Oh yeah that's -- turn over that don't prevent it."
" We are says Katie bar there's an old DJ has not even at juke box there is a record player on a stool -- students. She have to put the needle on record. Your money at the door but drink -- the bar. She's seeded me and then was my -- I was -- her house. She went from Becky upfront it up. Get caught up. It's Madonna 45. -- 45. AC DC."
" But. It. --"
" I appreciate you."
" It wasn't my. Yeah."
" You want to talk discrimination until you got a bad it's not Latinos is not Arabs not -- nobody had the worst in this country. The white people that -- let people god bless you. A series if you like you got black friends how do you prove that other black people doing nothing you can do. Casino but do -- out of the parking lot at the moment it looked -- This tomorrow who would do otherwise would do. And that's up because some black people make the presumption that all white people racists and that's wrong with my new black Americans in this country would never do for racism and oppression but we don't know how to tell you apart from the war. -- he put it let people they should get a wrist band on hands that. Can they get so you can show on -- dock at. Adding to keep from getting -- when it. We've just so -- back. -- And that it 93 Brothers jump -- the -- and white boy."
" Okay."
" The -- he got the real good at."
" And understand these things that bother people like. Why is gay marriage by other people I mean if you're against gay people how would preventing marriage help you anyway. That's not stopping game this. They're still doing -- stuff you know that right. There's still -- going on. I don't think there's say they're gone I don't know Kyle now about the ring it just doesn't feel all right Chris. Feels dirty."
" He has like prints. And an -- yet. Big fan what are my favorite songs is 1999 but it's kind of a disappointment those you know familiar first line in the song was. I was dreaming when I wrote this forgive me if it goes astray. And then. Prince pretty much stay as a Linear thought the anti virus the sun. It tells complete story there's no strength plus. It's got a normal my dreams are -- Very very weird. And if I wrote that song I think it would it would go like this. Was stream inland now wrote this folk give me think goes astray. I was frightened giant lobsters in an area above my house. Both my hands are chocolate sharks. And -- some guy knew from high school handed me a cake and then last. But his mom looked like Patti LaBelle. Then it gets up kind of fuzzy and I think the whole thing ended with dance. -- when I wake my band is wet. Is this let guys come on grow up. Wenatchee actually it's like a weird. Since but he disgusting combo -- and I can't. I don't know how to break the cycle."
" can consider what do you finish. Shouted into the."
" I'm a Batman myself actually -- that battle it -- acceptable for a leg. Like a winner in my day -- night in a math lesson candles mainly isn't sweet music in non and they can master being in the -- It's all sexy. That a guy and yesterday's advance. You realize that's -- here done."
" So I moved."
" and it is our."
" I would not packet that like that you know like it is. Kid next door to me was off with -- that is it really care about here. -- like 88 is he has a Lago -- who the -- has basically it. -- it -- a golf course it would. I think you rebels who -- place -- parked out front on the environment of low income housing. It's a big red brick buildings. If you want to be all right we never had enough notices -- brings an end through the project. -- people waking me up at night complain about -- living instead. -- you turn off our water in my -- read it again. -- let it if you hear my husband he's been on in my district that's not well okay it's gonna be the Ritz Carlton Medina in secret with either that you'll like it take if back that would be thirteen present this -- in the -- is that what you want it's quite quite cut down because I got freaked out if you went. But I think it's ethical toys."
" Read in the national geographic. The there's it turns out new research says that -- Have a hundred times stronger sense of smell the bloodhounds. Which is stronger than previously. Which begs the question one of the cops going to start implementing -- Instead of dogs to fight crime. No one has ever smuggling contraband through customs again. Mr. Peterson -- spent the last three weeks and hipster. I'll tell you about the giant grizzly bear -- picnic basket but. He doesn't buy it from. Unless he catches the width of Pont. -- Most effective use that. There would be to fight terrorism because of -- his biggest advantage is asking right now. We bring players in the way we turned his cave hide out into a major -- nightmare. Results that we take -- unit of highly trained here fighting bears. Military. Code name. -- They only have export them to Afghanistan about using specially designed their hearing aircraft which will call -- name airplanes. There we -- them strategically. Using special. There parachute. Which will -- Close grizzly Schneider's. You can see why you went there."
" Expect him money and it's happy I'm so glad Barack Obama president man that is so cool."
" Our last -- We've heard a couple of Lucas all right yeah. And Joe Biden don't people don't like -- of the nannies that man I don't know what he does exactly. Buddies that -- and I hope Iraq lets them."
" Black people. You don't some money like prince of black people some money -- noticed that it --"
" Make the two dollar bill to cut down a building like that."
" Megan -- papers and -- so we've got. He's done but. It when he VW Michael Jordan on affront to dedicate time. --"
" That they laws and make it tougher to drive in the cities to make laws make it harder to drive there's a law now in Chicago you cannot drive while talking on your cell phone. Do people realize how hard it is to drive the moment text messaging. And I am very conscious of -- Why -- you know shortcuts remains. I go all the way. -- spelled smiley face. That's a real law you can drive while talking on any other real -- I thought doesn't mean they just said one day so fewer people did it. But they can actually pull you over just for that happened to me. At a stop sign on the cell phone at a stop sign to me that's like home base. I look over -- C a cop car there are immediately do this."
" Did not name -- right now and longer and."
" I looked over in the guy's not moving inside the main and I get going the isn't my job -- good job. Go ahead and do -- right back at me like none on now you've got. Man that was a death roll. I have never been pulled over so slowly in my life. That -- came up to the cars like -- you know I saw you talking on the cell phone I was like guy now. I was calling 91 line. And and I saw you. I just want to thank you for coming out so -- away. I tried to talk him out of the ticket I go fussing. He shut me up pretty quick out like a lot for cell phone -- just gonna give me a ticket for a cell phone is like where is your seatbelt. -- like I'd just and then off the second and god is like finally see your insurance. All right this is what happened."
" You can't tell you the truth."
travislopes
Started discussion: May 17, 2009 @ 9:16pm GMT
Episode 2 - Heavy Petting, Strip Cheese, Honey Wars [Discussion]
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on strippers, cats, bathing, race, gay marriage, Prince, Legos, texting, and drug-sniffing bears. So hang on to your weed.
Watch and download here.
boldfire
6 months ago
I like this show, has a nice style. Most of the comedians so far have been pretty hit or miss though, mostly miss. But it's worth it for the few that do it well.
dr-nix
6 months ago
I like standup so i like ROFL, i would love ROFL specials where you feature just one comedian (an entire performance/show) now and again.
miss bella
6 months ago
Meh, thought this episode was pretty weak and was nothing compared to the first one.
I got bored really fast, but will keep sticking with it to see what else they'll come up with.
I got bored really fast, but will keep sticking with it to see what else they'll come up with.
logant
6 months ago
I thought cheese tease incredibly lame.
Heavy petting, dream funk, lego ghetto and on some extent txt n drv were the best.
Heavy petting, dream funk, lego ghetto and on some extent txt n drv were the best.
MrPopular
6 months ago
great episode. ROFL does just what it sets out to do. If you don't like someone, at least it's only a small part.
boldfire
6 months ago
I've decided to subscribe to this show. It has a cool vibe, funny acts and relaxed community around it = win.
I'll subscribe after next weeks episode (just so that I don't download episode 2 twice). I've used the flash player for the first two episodes, so my request may have been preemptively sorted; but would it be possible to have chapter markers on Quicktime (TRS style) for each act.
I found myself showing my family a particular act from both weeks, but I don't want to sit through the episode to find it.
I'll subscribe after next weeks episode (just so that I don't download episode 2 twice). I've used the flash player for the first two episodes, so my request may have been preemptively sorted; but would it be possible to have chapter markers on Quicktime (TRS style) for each act.
I found myself showing my family a particular act from both weeks, but I don't want to sit through the episode to find it.
Minton
6 months ago
as a comedy buff, I love this show, brightens my day every time i see a ROFL tweet!!!












However, like last time, I didn't like all the comedians. I wish I could skip past the ones I don't like. IDK, I'll keep watching.