Segments

Does the carpet match the drapes? I ask 'cause you're bald.

This is the last time I'm going to answer you: yes you have amnesia.

Don't ask me which part is the tuba. You don't wanna know.

Here, smoke this. It's called "At Risk Body Mass Index"

I'm not very good at making conversation...or sense.

Even the internet is out to get me now.

Is crocheting considered manly yet?

Everything is bigger in Texas. Take my blood alcohol level for example.