Sperm, Vibrators, and the Gynecologist
Sunday, October 4th, 2009 running time 15:15
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on love, babies, sperm, and passion parties.
Segments
Seven nights a week, RooftopComedy.com records live stand-up comedy all around the world and brings you the best of it. These are our favorite jokes about love, babies, sperm, passion parties, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff. I'm sure you have some hilarious jokes about that stuff too, but trust me, this is better. For more jokes that are better than yours, head over to RooftopComedy.com.
Comedians: Ryan Singer, Chris Hardwick, Miss Shannan, Stewart Huff, Roy Wood Jr, Reid Faylor, Tim Harmston, Tommy Johnagin, Dave Thomason, Shane Mauss
Highlights
high school: 2:06racist joke: 0:02
pregnancy test: 4:31
roommates: 14:15
Automatically Generated Transcript
May not be 100% accurate" He doesn't and this is like -- when someone tells me a racist joke I'd like to play it straight. Like they're giving me fax. And just -- explode because hillbillies don't you know -- people -- smart enough to know when you're kidding like. That this is big joke you told me sit -- do you want about how they -- down the statue of liberty. And replaced it within Jemima and chicken wing. And I go. Why would they do that."
" How big a bottle -- you have to -- things is like no excuse. I am his brain exploded."
" It's it's you should have a feeling you should have kids -- I don't have any kids or cry iPods as I call them. But I feel like it like everything is certainly can about it you know likened some 937 to answer your question and I feel like you wanna have kids you don't wanna wait you're going to long. Because kids who -- the product to vols are a little off -- weird area. A little weird. The -- to the Mayo the better the salmon's that's a very simple. Formula. That we shouldn't be here to. -- people actually I think I think colts -- rollout of the hardcore -- come from the staff and like the -- to get so excited. They can't breathe gazette I don't -- in school that was so nerdy. He literally he swallowed in weird places in sentences feel like -- do you put. Can go to the Burger King like you know you're about to start talk game. Modicum -- swallow preparation Randy. That's all sperm that's of that is that -- So -- you can spot has given high school the young -- kids. Run from their -- or both -- kids it's low lives like they can't."
" Revenues suckered into going to a lot of these passion parties because honestly I'm much too lazy to make new friends and -- So now I know a lot of things about the adult novelty items and I'm very clear on what I like it what I don't. I know I don't like the ones that are tuned novelty in nature leg shaped like corn -- horrible -- phone or something like that."
" Sisterhood thing."
" But you don't want the ones that are two really they weren't let's let me crept up lot of balance at the top -- yeah."
" Since the coolest thing."
" I learned so -- About two weeks ago sit on the count my girlfriend right brought an Animal Planet but that's what you liked a lot so. You know I'm just sit there thinking about it here. You know ventilated. And Michelle Obama got my attention are active as a bird it's like I think it's Brazilian. Don't don't quote me on that but it is vibrant blue -- the male of the species are. Use it ritual mating ritual the bluebird walls. Oh unrelated. So he goes out and build an effort to pose -- known this for two. Right and that he was around town. I think so blue object and that's what caught my attention jetBlue object you know hey -- me so you're not you've seen that. Yet anyway you can hear -- math and he raises the blue object and he delicate about who stepped back. Take a look at who walked over and move wanted to be. Let's step back and look command from this thing. Move -- home. And they're all blue object you know and at one point history you know it was like Little Rock -- little -- and now that we screwed up. Nature that healthy Diet -- tops and there's -- positive pregnancy test for a like trashy right in front of the same -- you know. -- he theories about it you know and he laid them out it's exactly the way it ultimately just stands there waiting. You know and the female apply here. You know and land and then this guy just does it. Hooked up. I'm on the -- like -- you know doing doing to."
" You're good sports no bad. -- Every man. Who knows that anyway. Got all your ship laid out --"
" Doing the long."
" Well -- you're about their."
" Come on yeah."
" The winner walk about the football player like yeah (%expletive)."
" I'm great product of trying to sell trying to get web site to go with it it's a home fertility kid that you do yourself. It's called U2. Turns out started taken. Get reliable secure web hosting without the long term contract. Go daddy's hosting plans are bigger and better than ever with 99% up time free 24 sevenths support and no annual commitment. Be sure to check out revision3.com. Slash godaddy for all the ruffled godaddy deals and codes. It -- other products it's. Homicides in the kid it's called final cut pro. It's not doing so well."
" More Mexicans and America -- people somewhat in the knowledge that they didn't. And she can be mr. Woolfolk who believe me if you win. He's going Mexican deleted email can do we get right what the -- today is -- That's true. We look isn't that the purpose of correct me if I'm wrong would you Kmart for equal rights. Didn't think you jealous when another raced our strategy for. I have a dream speech that was not Puerto Rican disclaimer at the bottom of the he needs somebody -- about -- dvd extras that good. I have a dream with no Q of those they got a good curveball I have. --"
" Okay -- on them from us. We ever see that may be perspective of -- a boom. Yeah yeah I find it discouraging. Think we don't see the way that the baby actually sees it Sony cover baby's eyes they don't know that everything's still exists. Susan impression of of that."
" To be a baby to be on top whatsoever that I wanna put in my mouth don't touch what."
" Truly honeymoon now. Yeah. If you -- can."
" Yeah. Well it's a clever ruse imagine that."
" How pleasing that is -- me allow me to laugh like a baby."
" I know I'm scared to do."
" I'm alone now."
" I don't know -- We're getting married because women. Women enjoy breaking up with me so much and they always have. Of fancy cliche like Tim I love you but I'm not to Eden. Love with you in fact I hate you yeah. I don't know I -- Kids either gets itself it's so expensive to have kids you know what game but -- you know ahead of your own child who's unity unity when you grow real evil. Analysts say you know it's gonna be that's super hot Swedish -- that I iron using your money I saved by not having children."
" When she."
" Can't -- the same way that -- year old child will look like I know that's why it's so expensive."
" Do you like my shirt. Normal -- words from. And I've been going movie by movie on Netflix trying to figure out what movie it's from. Netflix has over 100000 titles and shipping centers across the country saying you get most titles within one business day. Go to netflix.com slash brothel for -- no risk two week free trial membership."
" I wasn't breaking new."
" This happened to me. When I was thirteen years old. I would to a gynecologist for a sports physical work."
" Don't do those there case. I'm wondering how Sony's gonna end. -- lead yes. I had dropped another doctor's office. And there was a building with many offices and I walked into the wrong door. And you know that -- existed but really I mean. That type I did I've never seen one I didn't you can be -- doctor it's so. Kind of shocking when I walk in and I go to the front counter and I don't Tommy John -- for my appointments. The woman is either too stupid. Or hilarious. Included because she does dear -- this form and you build it out. Had -- ski -- review questions. The couple not a -- tools and I needed to the end. I waited in the waiting room for a half an hour. Thirteen. Sitting there router pregnant women. It's just like always going to be just another Tuesday for -- That's when it comes out she was mr. John you you can come back now but she brought me all the way to the back like I made its. Behind enemy lines. I want out of the editors are -- they -- let me come back. Since you've been like we don't work on those. I feel sorry I'll take it outside and but I make it to the back and she -- me it's gonna scale. Yes he's -- few questions that finally just -- here today mr. Jonathan and I don't you for sports physical. I mean she goes did you know this is an OB GYN. And I said yes. And they didn't wanna say no and look stupid. That would have been embarrassing and I've forgotten that I even did that into the other day I just realized. Kind of out of nowhere somewhere in got a collins' office there's a bottle and says Tommy John yeah. My weights and a question mark next argument straining. I was thirteen I was like yeah. Great shirt but I do it in my own home from the why you gotta be on this. My friends that I know."
" About this -- up on ensuring."
" Say thanks thanks very good. --"
" I was not a pretty -- or any -- came across act. Axe body spray and deodorant axe. And one -- since its -- Phoenix. Phoenix. Amazing. They've captured the center of the magical. Lol yeah. Kind of you know -- but apparently Phoenix's smell like to use banks."
" I -- roommates. It has still annoyed when I sing in the shower I don't know what's my voice. My -- of songs that I'm thinking that he doesn't like like he doesn't seem to care for my song titled the I am seeing and that's how are. Over the public my classic washing my balls -- my roommates toothbrush. He's not a big music found. I mean how can you not like my greatest hit. -- about your girlfriend well I'd do it with your face club. -- like my free bird."
" He doesn't and this is like -- when someone tells me a racist joke I'd like to play it straight. Like they're giving me fax. And just -- explode because hillbillies don't you know -- people -- smart enough to know when you're kidding like. That this is big joke you told me sit -- do you want about how they -- down the statue of liberty. And replaced it within Jemima and chicken wing. And I go. Why would they do that."
" How big a bottle -- you have to -- things is like no excuse. I am his brain exploded."
" It's it's you should have a feeling you should have kids -- I don't have any kids or cry iPods as I call them. But I feel like it like everything is certainly can about it you know likened some 937 to answer your question and I feel like you wanna have kids you don't wanna wait you're going to long. Because kids who -- the product to vols are a little off -- weird area. A little weird. The -- to the Mayo the better the salmon's that's a very simple. Formula. That we shouldn't be here to. -- people actually I think I think colts -- rollout of the hardcore -- come from the staff and like the -- to get so excited. They can't breathe gazette I don't -- in school that was so nerdy. He literally he swallowed in weird places in sentences feel like -- do you put. Can go to the Burger King like you know you're about to start talk game. Modicum -- swallow preparation Randy. That's all sperm that's of that is that -- So -- you can spot has given high school the young -- kids. Run from their -- or both -- kids it's low lives like they can't."
" Revenues suckered into going to a lot of these passion parties because honestly I'm much too lazy to make new friends and -- So now I know a lot of things about the adult novelty items and I'm very clear on what I like it what I don't. I know I don't like the ones that are tuned novelty in nature leg shaped like corn -- horrible -- phone or something like that."
" Sisterhood thing."
" But you don't want the ones that are two really they weren't let's let me crept up lot of balance at the top -- yeah."
" Since the coolest thing."
" I learned so -- About two weeks ago sit on the count my girlfriend right brought an Animal Planet but that's what you liked a lot so. You know I'm just sit there thinking about it here. You know ventilated. And Michelle Obama got my attention are active as a bird it's like I think it's Brazilian. Don't don't quote me on that but it is vibrant blue -- the male of the species are. Use it ritual mating ritual the bluebird walls. Oh unrelated. So he goes out and build an effort to pose -- known this for two. Right and that he was around town. I think so blue object and that's what caught my attention jetBlue object you know hey -- me so you're not you've seen that. Yet anyway you can hear -- math and he raises the blue object and he delicate about who stepped back. Take a look at who walked over and move wanted to be. Let's step back and look command from this thing. Move -- home. And they're all blue object you know and at one point history you know it was like Little Rock -- little -- and now that we screwed up. Nature that healthy Diet -- tops and there's -- positive pregnancy test for a like trashy right in front of the same -- you know. -- he theories about it you know and he laid them out it's exactly the way it ultimately just stands there waiting. You know and the female apply here. You know and land and then this guy just does it. Hooked up. I'm on the -- like -- you know doing doing to."
" You're good sports no bad. -- Every man. Who knows that anyway. Got all your ship laid out --"
" Doing the long."
" Well -- you're about their."
" Come on yeah."
" The winner walk about the football player like yeah (%expletive)."
" I'm great product of trying to sell trying to get web site to go with it it's a home fertility kid that you do yourself. It's called U2. Turns out started taken. Get reliable secure web hosting without the long term contract. Go daddy's hosting plans are bigger and better than ever with 99% up time free 24 sevenths support and no annual commitment. Be sure to check out revision3.com. Slash godaddy for all the ruffled godaddy deals and codes. It -- other products it's. Homicides in the kid it's called final cut pro. It's not doing so well."
" More Mexicans and America -- people somewhat in the knowledge that they didn't. And she can be mr. Woolfolk who believe me if you win. He's going Mexican deleted email can do we get right what the -- today is -- That's true. We look isn't that the purpose of correct me if I'm wrong would you Kmart for equal rights. Didn't think you jealous when another raced our strategy for. I have a dream speech that was not Puerto Rican disclaimer at the bottom of the he needs somebody -- about -- dvd extras that good. I have a dream with no Q of those they got a good curveball I have. --"
" Okay -- on them from us. We ever see that may be perspective of -- a boom. Yeah yeah I find it discouraging. Think we don't see the way that the baby actually sees it Sony cover baby's eyes they don't know that everything's still exists. Susan impression of of that."
" To be a baby to be on top whatsoever that I wanna put in my mouth don't touch what."
" Truly honeymoon now. Yeah. If you -- can."
" Yeah. Well it's a clever ruse imagine that."
" How pleasing that is -- me allow me to laugh like a baby."
" I know I'm scared to do."
" I'm alone now."
" I don't know -- We're getting married because women. Women enjoy breaking up with me so much and they always have. Of fancy cliche like Tim I love you but I'm not to Eden. Love with you in fact I hate you yeah. I don't know I -- Kids either gets itself it's so expensive to have kids you know what game but -- you know ahead of your own child who's unity unity when you grow real evil. Analysts say you know it's gonna be that's super hot Swedish -- that I iron using your money I saved by not having children."
" When she."
" Can't -- the same way that -- year old child will look like I know that's why it's so expensive."
" Do you like my shirt. Normal -- words from. And I've been going movie by movie on Netflix trying to figure out what movie it's from. Netflix has over 100000 titles and shipping centers across the country saying you get most titles within one business day. Go to netflix.com slash brothel for -- no risk two week free trial membership."
" I wasn't breaking new."
" This happened to me. When I was thirteen years old. I would to a gynecologist for a sports physical work."
" Don't do those there case. I'm wondering how Sony's gonna end. -- lead yes. I had dropped another doctor's office. And there was a building with many offices and I walked into the wrong door. And you know that -- existed but really I mean. That type I did I've never seen one I didn't you can be -- doctor it's so. Kind of shocking when I walk in and I go to the front counter and I don't Tommy John -- for my appointments. The woman is either too stupid. Or hilarious. Included because she does dear -- this form and you build it out. Had -- ski -- review questions. The couple not a -- tools and I needed to the end. I waited in the waiting room for a half an hour. Thirteen. Sitting there router pregnant women. It's just like always going to be just another Tuesday for -- That's when it comes out she was mr. John you you can come back now but she brought me all the way to the back like I made its. Behind enemy lines. I want out of the editors are -- they -- let me come back. Since you've been like we don't work on those. I feel sorry I'll take it outside and but I make it to the back and she -- me it's gonna scale. Yes he's -- few questions that finally just -- here today mr. Jonathan and I don't you for sports physical. I mean she goes did you know this is an OB GYN. And I said yes. And they didn't wanna say no and look stupid. That would have been embarrassing and I've forgotten that I even did that into the other day I just realized. Kind of out of nowhere somewhere in got a collins' office there's a bottle and says Tommy John yeah. My weights and a question mark next argument straining. I was thirteen I was like yeah. Great shirt but I do it in my own home from the why you gotta be on this. My friends that I know."
" About this -- up on ensuring."
" Say thanks thanks very good. --"
" I was not a pretty -- or any -- came across act. Axe body spray and deodorant axe. And one -- since its -- Phoenix. Phoenix. Amazing. They've captured the center of the magical. Lol yeah. Kind of you know -- but apparently Phoenix's smell like to use banks."
" I -- roommates. It has still annoyed when I sing in the shower I don't know what's my voice. My -- of songs that I'm thinking that he doesn't like like he doesn't seem to care for my song titled the I am seeing and that's how are. Over the public my classic washing my balls -- my roommates toothbrush. He's not a big music found. I mean how can you not like my greatest hit. -- about your girlfriend well I'd do it with your face club. -- like my free bird."
jackierulesall
Started discussion: October 5, 2009 @ 12:59pm GMT
Episode 22 - Sperm, Vibrators & The Gynecologist [Discussion]
These are our favorite jokes about love, babies, sperm, passion parties, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff.
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Blue bird
So ... what is the name of the blue bird?