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Owls, Tramp Stamps and Sexy Secrets

Sunday, May 10th, 2009 – running time 14:16
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on dating, tattoos, owls, sex, the British, Facebook, Starbucks, Cosmo, and creepy, creepy dudes. So very creepy.

Seven nights a week, RooftopComedy.com records live stand-up comedy all around the world and brings you the best of it. These are our favorite jokes about Facebook, strippers, Starbucks, Tattoos, scary animals, the British, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff. I'm sure you have some hilarious jokes about that stuff too, but trust me, this is better. For more jokes that are better than yours, head over to RooftopComedy.com.

COMEDIANS IN THIS EPISODE:

  • Matt Braunger
  • Mary Mack
  • Cy Amundson
  • Chris Porter
  • Eddie Gossling
  • Gary Gulman
  • Kyle Grooms
  • Dave Waite
  • Mike Vecchione
  • Maggie Faris

Highlights
hard drive ( 8:05, 8:05 ) Great Britain ( 11:48, 11:49, 11:48, 11:49 ) trash can't ( 7:49, 7:49 ) Payable ( 1:13, 1:13 ) hard drive ( 8:05, 8:05 ) Great Britain ( 11:48, 11:49, 11:48, 11:49 ) trash can't ( 7:49, 7:49 ) Payable ( 1:13, 1:13 )

Automatically Generated Transcript(may not be 100% accurate) ( more )

" I actually found beyond. The three and took -- wrong. Do you see anything you're -- job. Not a chance. My daughter to play and you okay. Kindle -- hidden okay. Okay now. Call me design and he's like hey -- yeah. Oh yeah."

" means that he's not so. They are -- Payable on the did you read things. -- heating unit Alice. -- Okay. -- Let us how to. You're out. -- In all this interview governor you."

" But I'm a Mac one. And -- Yeah. Computer -- back."

" Yeah just really good imagination beyond. I -- yeah yeah. Cook plurality and I am a leading nation but then I seems yeah. Annan is this happens people need to know what you're. During -- Athens and."

" I I was at the grocery store today in line when you get my if my food. And the only magazine that and the new stand was Cosmo. So I started reading an article I read with -- three super secret sexy ways to sexually please -- Number one flat and handled aroused all his camp it. Number to talk to him telling what you like about it just -- Number three from other stupid crack. I don't think -- very good researchers the guy they talk to on that on an -- I think there's ever been a guy ever like dad -- Katie wanted to bone last night. --"

" Like maybe may be. There was some -- boys and -- sent in there. Just once we could talk for a half hour first and now. I don't laid it down. Do you there's not obviously a woman wrote that night because I am a man kinda. And I. And it is not that difficult to sexually please me. If I wrote that article would be way different linked to three super secret sex teeth and -- student sexually please your man. Number wounded. Have up by China. Number two. Don't have anything blocking your vagina. Number three."

" People who hawked their horns in traffic or people who run out of Bob sheets and I didn't life."

" And it -- so they're just like I don't shooting car. She -- each all. Shady lives."

" Believe me. Hey look at me."

" Look at --"

" Client covered in an. Acts body spray."

" I am listening to nickel back."

" Shea has taken -- turn for the."

" That's why I love automated restrooms I feel like a wizard and automated restroom. Next time you had the opportunity to use an automated register to connect to like your wizard in there. It's awesome. It is instead -- in the toilet flushes by itself. That's straight up with it there. And I get into comic took."

" Move my hands under the faucet and the -- watch he asked."

" grown up the Taliban days."

" The paper -- the end of the joke. Sometimes that hand blown around like --"

" Dragon I didn't need."

" It is now. -- What holds -- hell have I don't think."

" That's nice any other wizards in the bathroom we never want to talk this through."

" Here's something -- sense couple's troubled man and not married couples put. To -- your emails guys here in relationship to leave your even now she -- They look through -- yeah. You can't say that's inadmissible you. Supplying no. It's the war. -- leery house deleted emails going to the deleted folder -- that they looked it is okay. Go into the trash can't empty the trash can. Yeah I. Delete cookies. Clear your history. -- in the music. Your hard drive and he gets a little liquid. Kill yourself that's right."

" From getting in trouble. To the Starbucks in Harlem."

" I hope Harlem citizens stumbles there Harlem went from black to be should should. But rather than ordered coffee and you. Need a -- look at this obviously you know. Let me get it -- yeah. And -- whipped cream on it took. I -- my lit the last time. Let me give you one of this is to make them -- freedom. -- Let me get this right you want a -- and those are still concerned not biscuits. And that Paramount monkey out of what size would you like -- it's should just just let me get to big. Time. Sorry we don't have. -- Just home ground they invented the but if you talk about it. Saw -- told aren't they eventually we'll saw -- He said he -- a big we don't have big sizes that emphasizes a tall grass and then and then tell me. Oh okay I hate you much do -- he you -- don't believe me actually this stuff. Which one got the biggest cut. That would be our candidate. What do you -- the fall dumped."

" Was chartered PLC bought should talk about that. They like you Fred taught you French yeah."

" That's Italians. Yeah -- mobile phone. Suggested there. You think you know so big deal green paper -- did you what -- do did you compete to tell me what to do ethnic group but I am a little while you. Yeah always today you could use abuse according coffee being -- them. Can it be smart -- And yet she's so message you'd think -- subjecting him smart let me ask you this. -- hiring in the small foot jumper. About the other brow trying to meet the ladies on the route I took it couldn't let that be the ladies I'm glad they're pretty big news back."

" You try to get him Iran -- going to happen this guy looks a lot Internet. More way to Iraq right yeah. Its last ten days left marte and -- made about. Let's -- bloom. A look at so much Internet -- I should join a support group but I get very -- it is my cooking glass. Look now that you aren't plugged in --"

" You people from may. You -- have a problem with few people from England I got into with some of -- from him when he was so -- on the way from body he said Great Britain like really Great Britain. That's weird has not from fantastic America."

" That works that's all you're just afraid aren't fantastic. My grandparents are from that he was steadily. Like talking like -- really big now are continue with the pissing contest. I got a pocket full of bad it is ready to rock your slimy ads. What are you gonna do you call year's super nanny. Com is your secret hitting going to beat you within a millimeter of my life pop current pop the metric system. Remember that sit America we're all going to have to learn the metric system know that well we're not. We're going to sit on -- in the quarter pounders and -- football and not soccer American -- football. My -- business."

" If -- dollar rent their housing and plug when I again it is transcends age Hagan so on the I only just hit a line and haven't you like it extended and scrap all the my shoulders it's."

" I didn't -- senate. Still isn't what you need is yeah -- little -- yeah they're ill or your Mac -- on EST you right where is my cat."

" You know I don't there."

" Beautiful island exerting its hat into money anal cavity. You're just going to. Don't know I can almost see what."

" I actually found beyond. The three and took -- wrong. Do you see anything you're -- job. Not a chance. My daughter to play and you okay. Kindle -- hidden okay. Okay now. Call me design and he's like hey -- yeah. Oh yeah."

" means that he's not so. They are -- Payable on the did you read things. -- heating unit Alice. -- Okay. -- Let us how to. You're out. -- In all this interview governor you."

" But I'm a Mac one. And -- Yeah. Computer -- back."

" Yeah just really good imagination beyond. I -- yeah yeah. Cook plurality and I am a leading nation but then I seems yeah. Annan is this happens people need to know what you're. During -- Athens and."

" I I was at the grocery store today in line when you get my if my food. And the only magazine that and the new stand was Cosmo. So I started reading an article I read with -- three super secret sexy ways to sexually please -- Number one flat and handled aroused all his camp it. Number to talk to him telling what you like about it just -- Number three from other stupid crack. I don't think -- very good researchers the guy they talk to on that on an -- I think there's ever been a guy ever like dad -- Katie wanted to bone last night. --"

" Like maybe may be. There was some -- boys and -- sent in there. Just once we could talk for a half hour first and now. I don't laid it down. Do you there's not obviously a woman wrote that night because I am a man kinda. And I. And it is not that difficult to sexually please me. If I wrote that article would be way different linked to three super secret sex teeth and -- student sexually please your man. Number wounded. Have up by China. Number two. Don't have anything blocking your vagina. Number three."

" People who hawked their horns in traffic or people who run out of Bob sheets and I didn't life."

" And it -- so they're just like I don't shooting car. She -- each all. Shady lives."

" Believe me. Hey look at me."

" Look at --"

" Client covered in an. Acts body spray."

" I am listening to nickel back."

" Shea has taken -- turn for the."

" That's why I love automated restrooms I feel like a wizard and automated restroom. Next time you had the opportunity to use an automated register to connect to like your wizard in there. It's awesome. It is instead -- in the toilet flushes by itself. That's straight up with it there. And I get into comic took."

" Move my hands under the faucet and the -- watch he asked."

" grown up the Taliban days."

" The paper -- the end of the joke. Sometimes that hand blown around like --"

" Dragon I didn't need."

" It is now. -- What holds -- hell have I don't think."

" That's nice any other wizards in the bathroom we never want to talk this through."

" Here's something -- sense couple's troubled man and not married couples put. To -- your emails guys here in relationship to leave your even now she -- They look through -- yeah. You can't say that's inadmissible you. Supplying no. It's the war. -- leery house deleted emails going to the deleted folder -- that they looked it is okay. Go into the trash can't empty the trash can. Yeah I. Delete cookies. Clear your history. -- in the music. Your hard drive and he gets a little liquid. Kill yourself that's right."

" From getting in trouble. To the Starbucks in Harlem."

" I hope Harlem citizens stumbles there Harlem went from black to be should should. But rather than ordered coffee and you. Need a -- look at this obviously you know. Let me get it -- yeah. And -- whipped cream on it took. I -- my lit the last time. Let me give you one of this is to make them -- freedom. -- Let me get this right you want a -- and those are still concerned not biscuits. And that Paramount monkey out of what size would you like -- it's should just just let me get to big. Time. Sorry we don't have. -- Just home ground they invented the but if you talk about it. Saw -- told aren't they eventually we'll saw -- He said he -- a big we don't have big sizes that emphasizes a tall grass and then and then tell me. Oh okay I hate you much do -- he you -- don't believe me actually this stuff. Which one got the biggest cut. That would be our candidate. What do you -- the fall dumped."

" Was chartered PLC bought should talk about that. They like you Fred taught you French yeah."

" That's Italians. Yeah -- mobile phone. Suggested there. You think you know so big deal green paper -- did you what -- do did you compete to tell me what to do ethnic group but I am a little while you. Yeah always today you could use abuse according coffee being -- them. Can it be smart -- And yet she's so message you'd think -- subjecting him smart let me ask you this. -- hiring in the small foot jumper. About the other brow trying to meet the ladies on the route I took it couldn't let that be the ladies I'm glad they're pretty big news back."

" You try to get him Iran -- going to happen this guy looks a lot Internet. More way to Iraq right yeah. Its last ten days left marte and -- made about. Let's -- bloom. A look at so much Internet -- I should join a support group but I get very -- it is my cooking glass. Look now that you aren't plugged in --"

" You people from may. You -- have a problem with few people from England I got into with some of -- from him when he was so -- on the way from body he said Great Britain like really Great Britain. That's weird has not from fantastic America."

" That works that's all you're just afraid aren't fantastic. My grandparents are from that he was steadily. Like talking like -- really big now are continue with the pissing contest. I got a pocket full of bad it is ready to rock your slimy ads. What are you gonna do you call year's super nanny. Com is your secret hitting going to beat you within a millimeter of my life pop current pop the metric system. Remember that sit America we're all going to have to learn the metric system know that well we're not. We're going to sit on -- in the quarter pounders and -- football and not soccer American -- football. My -- business."

" If -- dollar rent their housing and plug when I again it is transcends age Hagan so on the I only just hit a line and haven't you like it extended and scrap all the my shoulders it's."

" I didn't -- senate. Still isn't what you need is yeah -- little -- yeah they're ill or your Mac -- on EST you right where is my cat."

" You know I don't there."

" Beautiful island exerting its hat into money anal cavity. You're just going to. Don't know I can almost see what."

travislopes

Started discussion: May 10, 2009 @ 9:05pm GMT

Episode 1 - Owls, Tramp Stamps and Sexy Secrets [Discussion]

The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on dating, tattoos, owls, sex, the British, Facebook, Starbucks, Cosmo, and creepy, creepy dudes. So very creepy.

Watch and download here.

nextgenxbox
6 months ago
Thumbs up. Length is good. I like how it's split up. Get in, get out with each comic. And I like the "pop up video" style menu.

I shall be watching this show.

And remember, everyone, let's provide feedback on the SHOW. Because everyone's comedic tastes are different, some may think today's show sucked.

So, provide feedback on the actual SHOW and not the comedians.
chuckles
6 months ago
I think it could be a little longer. Something along the lines of 30 minutes. But that is just me. :)

-chuckles-
eminemdrdre00
6 months ago
Feedback in 23! (Gotta give it 7 mins to DL!)
xibalba
6 months ago
Great show, definately a keeper. 30 mins would be good.
travislopes
6 months ago
In reply to chuckles:
I think it could be a little longer. Something along the lines of 30 minutes. But that is just me. :)

-chuckles-


I completely agree. 30 minute episodes would be a lot better.

This show is definitely a hit or miss. Although, this episode was good, the next could be bad due to tastes in comedy.
dirtyhat
6 months ago
I'm into comedy so I'll be into this... the only thing that kinda bugged me was the difference in audio (quality/level), but it's understandable coming from different venues.

#1 have a vagina
#2 nothing blocking vagina
#3 ssshhhhhhhh....
PeppersGhost
6 months ago
It was alright, pretty funny but couldn't see myself watching this regularly.
buzzbros2002
6 months ago
I was worried about Rev3 when JV's world started, mainly worried about the integrity. While this may not be much technology related, it's nerdy enough for my approval!

I think a good idea for this would be to have some of the people at the revision 3 offices do some of the stand up on a special episode or something. Just please, for the love of god, don't have Jim Louderback on stage without Martin Sargent in the crowd somewhere! Also wouldn't be bad to have some Google employees talk about their company's plan for world domination.
dirtyhat
6 months ago
I used this as a little break between studying so 15 mins was about right... about 1 min left I already was going back to the books... so a 30 min would have just been background noise for me.

BTW i think the last woman didn't get the tigger joke that guy told her...
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