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Boobs, Oprah, and Boners

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009 – running time 15:56
The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on women, boners, rednecks, the Octamom, and Snuggies.

Segments

Seven nights a week, RooftopComedy.com records live stand-up comedy all around the world and brings you the best of it. These are our favorite jokes about women, boners, rednecks, the Octamom, Snuggies, and a bunch of other hilarious, disgusting, true stuff. I'm sure you have some hilarious jokes about that stuff too, but trust me, this is better. For more jokes that are better than yours, head over to RooftopComedy.com.

Comedians
Paul Lakamp, Marina Franklin, Josh Sneed, Tommy Johnagin, Ted Alexandro, Dave Waite, Robert Hawkins, Amber Preston, Auggie Smith, Joe Zimmerman

Paul Lakamp

Gym Juggs

00:00

Play

Marina Franklin

Hot Sass

01:32

Play

Josh Sneed

Arachnobabies

03:21

Play

Tommy Johnagin

Weird Toots

05:25

Play

Ted Alexandro

O Rly?

07:00

Play

Dave Waite

Hick Tock

08:20

Play

Robert Hawkins

Wool Eyes

09:48

Play

Amber Preston

Soft Drink

10:46

Play

Auggie Smith

Same Shame

12:10

Play

Joe Zimmerman

Blowmance

12:55

Play

Highlights
lebron james ( 13:21 ) nazi germany ( 7:42 ) tv show ( 3:50 ) bt ( 2:14 )

Automatically Generated Transcript(may not be 100% accurate) ( more )

" And on the first -- and is traded show me all these exercises to do and the trainer with a female. What are the exercise is so that you are called -- what those are -- your back and a bench and take it down belly candy you hugging motion. Now she's looking you know armies but I mean you know which is not get this for her because her breasts are now three inches from my face yeah. Is it okay need to concentrate. -- knowledge of the fabric do T. In my case. But I haven't heard from having cookies all the."

" This episode."

" And between in that respect deficit visualize the -- growing. -- Then you can probably see it."

" Yeah sounds. Hey guys are good Kazaa I'll I'll have a lot of I'm not energetic comic Al yeah you know. I'm so glad hot and it's like. I'm not I don't have that light as it as a black comedian always wanted to be more sand sea on stains. And -- this isn't doing all right here. But I don't have that you know that that and today it."

" And yeah. Yeah. They can. Yeah. Yeah yeah."

" You know like on BT with a big let it get up there I love that yeah. --"

" And there she years."

" And I -- too much profit managing. I isn't good though when I first started. Doing comedy. That in -- how to be myself on stage that does get up there just trying to fit in now -- say the wrong thing. I would give daddy like. --"

" I think."

" That's not really a compliment. How does an -- joke one night and true story this guy was like. Tries some vinegar."

" Now tightness in right."

" We have a horrible economy world war and I thought he -- talk about. Michael Phelps smokes we want. Hillary's we quit talking about it this -- some dumb bitch in California ahead eight kids to go -- first that is six. Right. Why I'm making celebrities are these people I don't understand that at all she's in her own reality show you how many comedians here would love to have a TV show we've been on the road for ten years. And she's like well."

" You need to be on television and that's it."

" Doctor bill built the house for that woman. That's not a joke he paid for a house for a woman with time completely against. Delaware wooden board isn't there was a giant --"

" Thank -- have been hilarious good movie -- blood -- huge. Could happen again bitch okay. She's like oh my god can Ricky get off this three days ago. --"

" His current job but. -- don't hundred."

" the shenanigans. Too many movies yeah."

" Movie so hey Leo what you think always. Yeah they -- it is very. Over forty shipping hornet. So all the all the -- happened he just want."

" can sue and doesn't resume peace they're not Clinton planned separate Barney."

" Ever knew you didn't no risk two week yeah. Taking out and Debby yeah yeah likes that comes flat."

" Rob you take and that is endemic getting getting this -- and your browser and it shows I don't know what the Internet is how all mumble is now."

" Okay."

" It's played the saxophone nowadays we're playing. Very loosely. She's blows into it until awful things got to the end of it. It's like what I hate sounds like. Really bad. But vinegar so don't worry she's gonna get better obviously she's getting a better I don't know if you heard that's their only option at this point. Is to get better really wish you get worse than these are blown into it kicked me emissions and carbon monoxide came into the into. And she's dead medium of the coding here -- that's worse. I didn't think he'd do it he just didn't happen tired. Just got to play it was recently had a brief -- you place that was receivables into it until she runs out of air. Did they watch her play it's kind of amazing she turned -- almost for I started watering in her hair got messed up I don't even know how that would happen. I told her to drop by the -- got a little mental looking ill and on -- probe into the this sequel they -- Latin root them. Do you recognize the song. I'll -- to be plight of the candidates -- I didn't even recognize the instrument. I think -- wants to play crap like your magician at this point. I may have recognized the song were you playing -- win the saints rape and murder my family. And if your rendition they did something terribly wrong. They should be punished."

" Some angry. Bad Oprah."

" Wintry."

" Yet his entire negotiate is why."

" And that's it. No there's more to it I'm tired because she keeps lying to us first it was the James fry or memoir a million little pieces. Turns out -- More recently I don't know if you heard about the Holocaust love story. Boy and a girl like five years old. In -- concentration camp Nazi Germany the girls frozen apple over the fence every day to keep alive. They separate for like fifty years. Meet up in New York City on a blind date. He tells the story. She's like oh my god. I was that girl. Turns up the whole thing is (%expletive). The Holocaust never have -- And I have had it was no room. Enough is enough."

" I used to work at Delta Airlines and people would call in and I can always tell. They were at sundown because that's -- it hillbilly and here's -- ago. That we apply that would leave Cincinnati a in the morning and arrive in Nashville at 754. And every time they've been oh. Are you jealously. This latest go back did. That's what I've done it. Delta Airlines admitted time travel specifically for hillbillies at it's only six minutes at a time. So pack your double action had to get on the."

" Have a great product of trying to sell trying to get web -- to go with -- it's a home fertility kid that you do yourself. It's called U2. Turns out started taken. Get reliable secure web hosting without the long term contract. Go daddy's hosting plans are bigger and better than ever with 99% up time free 24 sevenths support and no annual commitment. Be sure to check out revision3.com. Slash godaddy for all the ruffled godaddy deals in coats. It -- other products it's. Home vasectomies -- it's called final cut pro. It's not doing so well."

" If you like you're after the morning. There's no recession it's -- you blanket where are you. Not that I know well -- got a bloody blanket. I know. You like duress with one dollar and look at the idea that you do five and then one. Now think about. -- don't let people like it's our -- that the airline plane if they don't give you anymore they're showing him together and they're selling them back to us and we're idiots. -- We'll -- on the back."

" It's. B ha ha mommy. I live my hands -- wounds we're gonna ask. And ones five and bringing loads loads are."

" And it -- all elements Altman Traficant of rouge if you're out with a lady and others at all the slightest teens he's tiniest. Chance. At any. Extra curricular and Buddha bar activity ten years. Cool keys. Please monitor your alcoholic beverage can take that. Turns out the exact amount of alcohol it takes to take you to come home with me. Is the exact amount of alcohol -- from mr. happy to call in sick."

" I think captain was here the yeah we let me up peg -- economy."

" That's I was very possible -- yeah takes great."

" create your own destiny and."

" Do you look."

" Appropriate inappropriate."

" I was raised by a single mother. And anybody else out there that was raised by the single mother you know the weird experience so when you're a kid. And you wake up late at night to go to the bathroom and -- hallway outside your mom's bedroom you encounter that guy you've never seen before. I gotta keep your head down and trying to to make eye contact. They get older you guys know a hundred times weirder and more operas and matches yeah. Nothing to say it. Not in your daddy -- that is Cinemark."

" Okay."

" Wrote little romantic home thrilled to -- And it's about me. -- fearless lover. Thank you. Per one. Basketball metaphor is and I am confident in the game of love like LeBron James. Running down the court on a fast break slam dunk in your face with my good listening skills. I've lost all of your weak shot that comes with random acts of kindness. I think they'll bring that we -- in my house be arch. Part one section B. I content. And make good -- Republican Powell. Howling in me knowing. I never blink once in just like mail. Until my third pitch. Tears through them face. I kiss you as I am done jewel on. The master of seduction."

" You say yes I don't think it's pronounced like that done."

" I'd say oh I'm sorry is it. The master of -- tuxedo and part one section C. The final act of pain. I -- like a little spare room. And you're like a large glass window. Can't see -- hit a face on your called transparent window. Volunteers and IDR. Mailman sees me he's like well Burgess got jacked up. Cat dragged me Obama winning morally bleeding on your front door man. He say -- gee Joe are you okay. And liking though might be --"

" The end thank you."

" Yeah."

" And on the first -- and is traded show me all these exercises to do and the trainer with a female. What are the exercise is so that you are called -- what those are -- your back and a bench and take it down belly candy you hugging motion. Now she's looking you know armies but I mean you know which is not get this for her because her breasts are now three inches from my face yeah. Is it okay need to concentrate. -- knowledge of the fabric do T. In my case. But I haven't heard from having cookies all the."

" This episode."

" And between in that respect deficit visualize the -- growing. -- Then you can probably see it."

" Yeah sounds. Hey guys are good Kazaa I'll I'll have a lot of I'm not energetic comic Al yeah you know. I'm so glad hot and it's like. I'm not I don't have that light as it as a black comedian always wanted to be more sand sea on stains. And -- this isn't doing all right here. But I don't have that you know that that and today it."

" And yeah. Yeah. They can. Yeah. Yeah yeah."

" You know like on BT with a big let it get up there I love that yeah. --"

" And there she years."

" And I -- too much profit managing. I isn't good though when I first started. Doing comedy. That in -- how to be myself on stage that does get up there just trying to fit in now -- say the wrong thing. I would give daddy like. --"

" I think."

" That's not really a compliment. How does an -- joke one night and true story this guy was like. Tries some vinegar."

" Now tightness in right."

" We have a horrible economy world war and I thought he -- talk about. Michael Phelps smokes we want. Hillary's we quit talking about it this -- some dumb bitch in California ahead eight kids to go -- first that is six. Right. Why I'm making celebrities are these people I don't understand that at all she's in her own reality show you how many comedians here would love to have a TV show we've been on the road for ten years. And she's like well."

" You need to be on television and that's it."

" Doctor bill built the house for that woman. That's not a joke he paid for a house for a woman with time completely against. Delaware wooden board isn't there was a giant --"

" Thank -- have been hilarious good movie -- blood -- huge. Could happen again bitch okay. She's like oh my god can Ricky get off this three days ago. --"

" His current job but. -- don't hundred."

" the shenanigans. Too many movies yeah."

" Movie so hey Leo what you think always. Yeah they -- it is very. Over forty shipping hornet. So all the all the -- happened he just want."

" can sue and doesn't resume peace they're not Clinton planned separate Barney."

" Ever knew you didn't no risk two week yeah. Taking out and Debby yeah yeah likes that comes flat."

" Rob you take and that is endemic getting getting this -- and your browser and it shows I don't know what the Internet is how all mumble is now."

" Okay."

" It's played the saxophone nowadays we're playing. Very loosely. She's blows into it until awful things got to the end of it. It's like what I hate sounds like. Really bad. But vinegar so don't worry she's gonna get better obviously she's getting a better I don't know if you heard that's their only option at this point. Is to get better really wish you get worse than these are blown into it kicked me emissions and carbon monoxide came into the into. And she's dead medium of the coding here -- that's worse. I didn't think he'd do it he just didn't happen tired. Just got to play it was recently had a brief -- you place that was receivables into it until she runs out of air. Did they watch her play it's kind of amazing she turned -- almost for I started watering in her hair got messed up I don't even know how that would happen. I told her to drop by the -- got a little mental looking ill and on -- probe into the this sequel they -- Latin root them. Do you recognize the song. I'll -- to be plight of the candidates -- I didn't even recognize the instrument. I think -- wants to play crap like your magician at this point. I may have recognized the song were you playing -- win the saints rape and murder my family. And if your rendition they did something terribly wrong. They should be punished."

" Some angry. Bad Oprah."

" Wintry."

" Yet his entire negotiate is why."

" And that's it. No there's more to it I'm tired because she keeps lying to us first it was the James fry or memoir a million little pieces. Turns out -- More recently I don't know if you heard about the Holocaust love story. Boy and a girl like five years old. In -- concentration camp Nazi Germany the girls frozen apple over the fence every day to keep alive. They separate for like fifty years. Meet up in New York City on a blind date. He tells the story. She's like oh my god. I was that girl. Turns up the whole thing is (%expletive). The Holocaust never have -- And I have had it was no room. Enough is enough."

" I used to work at Delta Airlines and people would call in and I can always tell. They were at sundown because that's -- it hillbilly and here's -- ago. That we apply that would leave Cincinnati a in the morning and arrive in Nashville at 754. And every time they've been oh. Are you jealously. This latest go back did. That's what I've done it. Delta Airlines admitted time travel specifically for hillbillies at it's only six minutes at a time. So pack your double action had to get on the."

" Have a great product of trying to sell trying to get web -- to go with -- it's a home fertility kid that you do yourself. It's called U2. Turns out started taken. Get reliable secure web hosting without the long term contract. Go daddy's hosting plans are bigger and better than ever with 99% up time free 24 sevenths support and no annual commitment. Be sure to check out revision3.com. Slash godaddy for all the ruffled godaddy deals in coats. It -- other products it's. Home vasectomies -- it's called final cut pro. It's not doing so well."

" If you like you're after the morning. There's no recession it's -- you blanket where are you. Not that I know well -- got a bloody blanket. I know. You like duress with one dollar and look at the idea that you do five and then one. Now think about. -- don't let people like it's our -- that the airline plane if they don't give you anymore they're showing him together and they're selling them back to us and we're idiots. -- We'll -- on the back."

" It's. B ha ha mommy. I live my hands -- wounds we're gonna ask. And ones five and bringing loads loads are."

" And it -- all elements Altman Traficant of rouge if you're out with a lady and others at all the slightest teens he's tiniest. Chance. At any. Extra curricular and Buddha bar activity ten years. Cool keys. Please monitor your alcoholic beverage can take that. Turns out the exact amount of alcohol it takes to take you to come home with me. Is the exact amount of alcohol -- from mr. happy to call in sick."

" I think captain was here the yeah we let me up peg -- economy."

" That's I was very possible -- yeah takes great."

" create your own destiny and."

" Do you look."

" Appropriate inappropriate."

" I was raised by a single mother. And anybody else out there that was raised by the single mother you know the weird experience so when you're a kid. And you wake up late at night to go to the bathroom and -- hallway outside your mom's bedroom you encounter that guy you've never seen before. I gotta keep your head down and trying to to make eye contact. They get older you guys know a hundred times weirder and more operas and matches yeah. Nothing to say it. Not in your daddy -- that is Cinemark."

" Okay."

" Wrote little romantic home thrilled to -- And it's about me. -- fearless lover. Thank you. Per one. Basketball metaphor is and I am confident in the game of love like LeBron James. Running down the court on a fast break slam dunk in your face with my good listening skills. I've lost all of your weak shot that comes with random acts of kindness. I think they'll bring that we -- in my house be arch. Part one section B. I content. And make good -- Republican Powell. Howling in me knowing. I never blink once in just like mail. Until my third pitch. Tears through them face. I kiss you as I am done jewel on. The master of seduction."

" You say yes I don't think it's pronounced like that done."

" I'd say oh I'm sorry is it. The master of -- tuxedo and part one section C. The final act of pain. I -- like a little spare room. And you're like a large glass window. Can't see -- hit a face on your called transparent window. Volunteers and IDR. Mailman sees me he's like well Burgess got jacked up. Cat dragged me Obama winning morally bleeding on your front door man. He say -- gee Joe are you okay. And liking though might be --"

" The end thank you."

" Yeah."

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oldarney

Started discussion: August 3, 2009 @ 1:55am GMT

Episode 13: Boobs, Oprah, and Boners [Discussion]

Awesome video, with some new comercials. The funniest stand-up comics from across the country take on women, boners, rednecks, the Octamom, and Snuggies.

Watch or download this episode now!

This is one of the best episodes yet, if not the best. Home circumcision kit = Final cut pro. that cracked me up originally, i guess its because i work with it.

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